


Remember All

by 9r7g5h



Series: 1000 Days of Xena [51]
Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-11-18 21:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 63,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11299209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9r7g5h/pseuds/9r7g5h
Summary: Given another chance, left with her memories of their first time through, Gabrielle knows there's only one option for her- let Xena live. Whatever she had to do, whatever she had to change to make sure that would happen, Gabrielle was willing to do it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN 1: So, a while ago, I had made a tumblr post about how I prefer to put 'When Fates Collide' after FIN, just because the episodic nature of the show allows it and because I love that episode the most. I also put forward the idea of how cool it would have been if, at the end of 'When Fates Collide,' instead of reuniting Xena and Gabrielle, the beginning of 'Sins of the Past' had started playing. Because the idea that the two of them are so in love they would be willing to go through all of the heartache and pain once more, just to have those precious few years together? I adore it. Now, the lovely acrossnowhere made a comment on my post about Gabrielle possibly remembering everything that happened, and my mind exploded. It exploded, resulting in a giant ass fic that's already almost 30K and still not done yet, so yeah. This is going to be a ride, my friends, and I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> AN 2: Just a reminder, I place 'When Fates Collide' after FIN, so there's some slight inconsistency with the actual airing of the show. But this is fanfic and I don't care. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

It was sick, Gabrielle could admit, but standing there, watching the flames? She couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing that the world had tried so hard to keep them apart, and it would burn for its sins. 

She sunk to her knees as she watched the loom burn, the fire spreading up through the tangled threads to the wood itself. It was beautiful, watching this disgusting mess, this pale imitation of what could have been, destroy itself. She didn’t care that it would destroy everything along with it- the universe had taken Xena from her in both worlds, so why should she? Why should she care, when just a few miles away, the other half of her soul was dead; when in the other world, her soulmate was nothing more than ash? It didn’t matter to her, either way. Her life was already over- she was just waiting for it to end. 

Closing her eyes, Gabrielle tilted her head back as the flames consumed the last of the wood, a small smile on her lips even as the Fates behind her screamed, pleaded with her to see reason, begged for a chance to make this right. Closing her eyes as the fire spread to the carpet she kneeled on, Gabrielle felt the flames began to lick at her skin, the pain almost nothing in comparison to the pain in her heart.  

Closing her eyes, Gabrielle _screamed_. 

* * *

“Gabrielle? Gabrielle, come on! It’s your turn to get the eggs.”  

Only to open them as Lila called her name, poking her in the side to get her to wake up. 

It was a dream, she eventually settled on. A dying dream as she burned, as the world crumbled around her. For some reason her mind had chosen to bring her back home, back to when she was young, before she had ever met Xena- one last good bye, perhaps, to the people she had lost? Or perhaps a reminder of what had been lost, the innocence and calm that had long since disappeared from her life. She couldn’t be sure- all Gabrielle knew was that, when she left her bed, her mother was at the fire place, checking on their bread, while her father brought in the last bucket of water their home would need before he left for the field. People who smiled at her and greeted her a good morning, even if her father poked fun at her late rising.

People who accepted her hug and held her as she began to cry, trying to sooth away whatever night terror had brought her to tears. 

It was strange, this dream. She passed the hours in almost a daze, helping her mother and sister with their chores, calling her father in for lunch, laughing and joking with them in a way she hadn't done in years. At least, years in the original world, the one this most resembled. She still had her memories of the other world, the world Caesar had brought upon them, and there she had seen her family just a week before she had left for Rome. 

Lila had been pregnant again, more than happily married to the man she loved, the man who tended her vineyard and turned the grapes into wine. Their parents had never left the farm, even after Gabrielle had offered to buy them a house closer to her own, but they made the effort to visit between the harvests. They had all been preparing one last family dinner before her boat left, since her tour with her play would keep her away for who knew how long. It had been nice, catching up with them all, promising she would send word of how the play was received, promising the children presents all the way from Rome. It had been nice, even if it hadn't been real.

The last time in the real would had been after Hope, after Gabrielle had died and come back to life, something even she couldn't understand. And then it had been an argument, a series of explanations as they tried to get her parents to understand what had happened, tried to get them to realize the lies Hope had placed in their heads, tried to give them the truth. 

Xena had eventually lied, when it had become clear that demon children that grew up to look exactly like their mothers were too much for them. She claimed an evil god had created a shape shifter, something that could mimic another being perfectly. Said shape shifter had first seen Gabrielle after it had been born, and had chosen her to model itself after. Said that she and Gabrielle had gotten separated from each other, and when Xena came to Potediea to find her, had found the creature instead, pretending to be her. That the creature had then lied, tried to turn Gabrielle's family against her, and would have succeeded if not for the real Gabrielle reaching Potediea herself, just in time. 

It had been a bitter parting, having to leave her parents with lies about their lives, but what else could she have done?

So this dream was nice. It was normal, safe, a couple of months before she met Xena, if Gabrielle had to place it somewhere in her past. A dream where she could remember the family she had lost, and have one more day with them before her mind was destroyed with the rest of the world. 

Until that night. Until after dinner, as they all sat around the fireplace, keeping themselves busy until it was time for bed. Her mother spinning, Lila playing with the cat, her father working on some small carving- if this was to be her last night here, for Gabrielle was sure the dream would end the moment she went to sleep, she would spent it with some fragment of normalcy. So she had a scroll and a quill and some ink, idly writing out whatever came to mind, at peace with the world around her and the last remnants of her dream.

"I don't know why you bother," Heradotus sighed, shaking his head as he glanced up at her parchment- not that he could read it, no; it was Hecuba who could read, and who had insisted on teaching both girls, even if their father saw no use it in. He knew just enough to read a road sign if he had to travel, and even then, he took the same path he always had, making it unnecessary. "You need to get your head out of the cloud, girl. Those stories will never do anything for you." 

"Heradotus, leave her alone," Hecuba said, her eyes never leaving her work, her hands never stopping, but a warning tone in her voice. "She's happy- let her write." 

"There's more important things she could be doing," he protested, as if Gabrielle wasn't there, sitting tense and listening to every word. "Like weaving or sewing or half a dozen other things that are actually worth wild doing. Your scarf you're going to make with that yarn will keep one of us warm, or will sell for a couple extra dinars for the winter. Words aren't worth nothing." 

Part of Gabrielle was still, frozen, trying desperately to ignore the words falling from her father's mouth. It was an argument he and her mother had had time and time again, an argument that would end with both of them angry and neither of them speaking to the other. He would apologize for it the next day, bringing her a new quill or vial of ink, and would ask for her to tell a story for them to listen to, nodding in approval as she spoke. And during the winter that was all he would ask, story after story as they sat cooped up in the house, unable to go further than the barn due to the snow piled almost as high as she was tall. He would say how well she spoke, how good her stories were, and this was an argument that would lie dormant for at least a couple of months. 

But reading and writing weren't traits expected of a wife, and whenever he got started on thinking about the future, about how Perdicas, even though he wanted to marry her, had his entire family supporting him taking some other, less head strong girl as a wife, Heradotus' disapproval would rear its nasty head once more. 

So part of her told her to ignore it, reminded her that this would pass. But the part that remembered this was a dream- that remembered Gabrielle was much older than she seemed, someone who had spent the last almost thirty years (most of them asleep, yes, but still she counted them) as friend, companion, and lover to the most dangerous woman in the world; the part that reminded her she was an Amazon Queen and how dare a man speak to her that way; the part that reminded her she was friends with the gods themselves- told her to prove him wrong. 

"Where are you going?" 

The question was surprised as she stood- she had never interfered with her parent's arguments before, instead just keeping her head down as she let them work through it. Now they both just stared at her as she picked her way out of their circle, stepping over Lila and their cat, stopping only long enough to grab her bag before she was out the door. 

Out the door and running, right towards town, her mother's voice fading into the night as she left to prove him wrong. 

The tavern was still full she reached it- not a surprise, really. Most people would have just finished eating dinner, and most often came to wet their throats and have a good laugh after a long, hard day's work. It was still early enough that no one was too drunk, that she didn't have to fear from that lot, even if she was sure she'd be able to beat them (her body might have returned to being soft, but her mind was still that of a warrior's), and almost every chair still full when she opened the door and walked inside. 

"Go home, girl," the tavern owner growled when he glanced up to see who had entered his establishment. He knew her, she could see, his eyes lighting up with recognition, even if he didn't know her name. "This is no place for someone like you at this hour. Go home, or come back with your father to keep you safe." Expecting her to obey, he returned to cleaning his counter, wiping a grimy rag over a patch of spilled stew before it could soak into the wood. 

"I can protect myself." His hand paused at the conviction in her words, and he looked up at her again, this time giving her more than a moment of his attention. Pointing towards a large bowl Gabrielle could see behind him, she nodded towards the front of the room, where a small stage lay empty. It was rare for performers to arrive in little Potediea, but still one was always there, just in case. "I'm a bard, and I bet you I can fill that bowl before the end of the night." 

It was clear the man wanted to laugh, that he thought her delusional, but still he reached behind him and grabbed the bowl, emptying the grapes it had held into another and wiping it clean. He held it out in one hand, his other offered as well. "If you fail, you come work for me this winter. For free. Deal?" 

The way he spoke made it clear he thought he was going to win, and would get another pair of hands to help out without having to spend a single extra dinar. Smiling widely, Gabrielle took the bowl and shook his hand, and went to stand before the room. 

And found herself frozen as she tried to find a story to tell. 

All of the stories she had were of Xena- of the good she had done, of the evil she had once partaken in, of the way she had made the world turn and bow before her. For years now, Xena had been her muse, her inspiration, the source of her stories- even in the other world, in the fake world Ceasar had created, Xena had still been her everything, even if Gabrielle hadn't known it. So what stories did she have now? She had the old legends, the old myths everyone here would have grown up knowing, but nothing good enough to actually fill the giant bowl now sitting before her. 

For a moment she panicked, because how could she tell a story that didn't exist? A story from the future, a future that was still to be seen? 

But only for a moment. Because this was a dream, she reminded herself, and who cared if a group of peasants from Potediea knew about the future in a dream? What did it matter to them, or to the gods, if soon this world would come to an end? But just to be safe... 

Looking out at the crowd, many of whom had taken to ignoring her, muttering about their hopes getting up and being disappointed at the lack of entertainment, Gabrielle met the tavern owner's smug gaze and spoke. 

"I sing of Nea," Gabrielle called to the crowd, stomping her foot three time to gain their attention, "the fiercest warrior in the land, and how she saved a soul from a fate worse than death- marriage to a god." 

They were enthralled, captivated as Gabrielle described the kidnapping by the priests, the advice 'Nea' had given to her young companion, the mental battles the warrior had had to face in order to save her friend. Not a single word was spoke as Gabrielle told her tale, not a single person moved as they watched as Gabrielle's hands acted out the performance before them. Not a single breathe was drawn as she explained the slowly moving panel behind the young woman and the man before her with a sword, forcing her to choose either between killing him or her own death. 

For a long while, as Gabrielle stood there, staring out into the silence, nothing happened. No one spoke, no one moved- it seemed as if the tavern had been frozen in time. 

Until one little voice, a traveling merchant's child, sandwiched between its parents, asked for another.   

With that little voice, the room erupted into applause, dozens of handfuls of dinars falling into her bowl, everyone begging for another, for something else to entertain them as they whittled away the night. Gabrielle promised, after she had had something to drink, and before she could order a handful of people started calling for the owner to bring her some water, some wine, some ale, whatever she wanted to drink. Just for him to be quick, so the next story could begin.

She took a cider, expecting the owner to be belligerent - most men were, when they lost a bet they had been sure they would win. But instead he just stared down at the almost filled bowl and quietly offered her his stage any night she wanted. 

Considering it was common that performers left at least a portion of what they made to the owner of the venue where they performed, tonight would mean a hefty sum in both of their purses, something both of them could benefit from. 

She told two more stories that night- her own play from that other world, shifted a bit for only one performer instead of a full cast, adding in an extra fight scene to appease the critics, and the story with Diana (artfully called Niada); the first drawing tears to their eyes, heartfelt sobs ripped from what seemed to be even the toughest of throats, and the second sending them howling with laughter, quite a few of the drunker members of the audience finding themselves on the floor as she spoke. 

By the time the night had passed, the bowl would have had to be thrice as big to hold all of the dinars dumped at her feet, piles of them scattering around her as thankful patrons left their tips for her tales before stumbling off to home. Some of the travelers tried to proposition her- there was always room in a caravan for such an accomplished storyteller. But Gabrielle just shook her head and thanked them for their interest, making it clear that, after such a long night, she had to go home. 

The owner only took a third of what she earned- less than the usual commission people demanded of her, Gabrielle noticed, but the overall sum was more than she usually made, especially since she and Xena had mainly stuck to the back roads, smaller villages. And she knew if she continued to perform here, the sum would never be quite as large again. She had gotten lucky, and a couple of merchant caravans had arrived the day before, giving her a large audience with deep pockets to spin her stories too. Still, even with his 'discount,' the owner was more than pleased, helping Gabrielle to scoop the rest of the dinars into her bag, enough to make it weigh heavily on her shoulder. 

"You're Heradotus' kid, right," the man asked, walking with her towards the front door. Behind them, serving girls were helping the last of the drunks upright and up to bed, while a few others set about to cleaning up the room. "You're not walking home, not this late and with that much coin. Come on." 

He didn't give her an option, really, and while Gabrielle knew she could take him and any who tried to bother her, she instead followed after him, and allowed herself to be hoisted onto the back of a large black horse after the tavern owner had finished saddling him. She was tired, and she trusted the man, at least to a point. 

"Which one are you again?" 

"Gabrielle." 

"Well, Gabrielle, if you keep performing at my tavern, we're going to become the best of friends." 

He rode the horse fast, passing drunks who hailed them, ending up at the farm far quicker than Gabrielle would have been able to make on foot. He even escorted her to the door, knocking and making sure she was in the thankful arms of her parents- though he gave her a particular look when Heradotus and Hecuba pulled her in, both of them almost crying from worry as they scolded her for disappearing for most of the night. It was right there before her parents that he offered for her to perform at the tavern again, saying clearly how good her stories were and how she had brought in nearly a week's worth of profit for him from that one night alone, before nodding his head and leaving for his own home and bed. 

They almost started interrogating her, Hecuba and Heradotus demanding to know where she had gone, why she had run off like that, what had possessed her to do such a thing and worry them so, only to stop as Gabrielle dropped her bag onto the kitchen table, the dinars clanking merrily within. 

She said her good nights, holding them both in a long hug before finally heading to bed, leaving her parents to stare into the sack at the pile of coins she had brought home. Giving Lila- already asleep- a kiss on her cheek, Gabrielle kicked off her shoes before sliding into bed, ready for this dream to finally end.

Only it didn't. She woke up the next morning, still in bed, as Hecuba shook her awake and asked her to come talk with her and her father. 

It wasn't a long discussion, no. Gabrielle admitted that she had gone to the tavern, told stories there to show that her stories did have some value, and that had been the extent of her plan. She hadn't been planning on doing anything with the dinars (she hadn't expected to wake up again, for surely the world should have disintegrated by now); she had just wanted to show Heradotus that he was wrong. 

She had, and while there wasn't enough money to pay for it now, if Gabrielle kept performing at the tavern, by next year there would be enough to send her to Athens for training. 

Gabrielle, just confused by the fact she was still there, that the dream was continuing despite the fact it should have ended, despite the fact that her mind should have crumbled to dust as the universe was destroyed along with the loom, just agreed as eagerly as she could make herself sound. Because while it was a long while away, the idea of going to Athens was appealing, even if she was sure the dream would end long before she got there. 

So she agreed, and while it wasn't every night, since she still had to help out around the farm, Gabrielle went to the tavern and told her tales, returning home with a pouch full of dinars to eventually get her to Athens. 

It all passed in a daze, day after day sliding into the next, as Gabrielle tried to figure out what was going on. Because the longer the dream continued, the less she believed it truly was a dream. Because things were happening. Things she remembered, from when she lived through them the first time. 

A neighbor's cow, previously healthy if old, sickened and died within just a few days. The first time it had taken them months to figure out why, but this time Gabrielle already knew. Knew that there was a little pond just beyond the farmer's land, where a fox had fallen in and drowned, polluting the water. The cow had slipped through a hole in the farmer's wall, drunk from the still pond, and had died from it. 

A child got lost in the woods. The first time had taken them two days to find him, cold and hungry and almost delirious from thirst. This time she knew, and it only took her a few hours to find the cave he had crawled into after he had broken his leg climbing a tree. The parents had cried over her, asking the gods to bless her for bringing him home, when before they had done it over one of the other men in the village. 

A woman gave birth, and this time Gabrielle knew it would be a girl, and she knew the woman would name her Gelda, and she knew all about that child. About the life she would live and the way she would grow up, about everything to come. 

The more these happened, the more Gabrielle knew, the less she believed it was a dream. Because things were different, yes, things that she herself changed that were different from what she remembered. But that which she had no control over? That which she just barely remembered, and didn't know how to change? That stayed the same. 

She couldn't believe that it was a dream, not anymore, not as the days and weeks and months passed. Not as she woke up and dressed herself, preparing for the day ahead. Not as she heard the screams, the excited yells coming from the village. Not as her father yelled at them to run, as she and the other women nearby ran towards the forest with men on their heels, trying to catch them.

Not as she stepped forward, just as she remembered, to offer herself to the men, and not as _she_ stepped forward as well, demanding they fight her. Not as Xena, standing there in just her shift, just as Gabrielle remembered, fought the army and saved them all. 

It couldn't be a dream, Gabrielle had realized and accepted that by now. If it wasn't a dream, then it had to be real, and if it was real, she had another chance. 

Another chance with Xena, another chance to live a life with her, another chance to make things right. 

Part of her wanted to tell her the truth, right then and there. To tell her that they were soulmates, to tell her that they were friends, lovers, that they meant everything in the world to each other. That when all else failed, they still had each other. Part of Gabrielle wanted to do nothing more than to pull her into a kiss, and make it clear what their future would hold. 

But she restrained herself. She couldn't do that, even if she wanted to. Xena wasn't ready for some overwhelming confession of love from a stranger, even if that stranger could list every single secret Xena had kept from the world. Even if that stranger knew her better than she knew herself. 

So, instead, Gabrielle followed what she remembered, and asked. 

"Please, you have to take me with you." 

She listed what traits she had- reading, writing, map reading, everything she could think of. She almost listed knowledge of what was to come, but stopped herself before she could; she knew the future, yes, knew what was to come, but things were going to change, if she had it her way. The world would be different, and she didn't know when the differences would come. So she held her tongue and instead begged Xena through every other way she had to please, take her with her. 

And just like before, Xena said no. Her mother had made a comment about her going to Athens, Perdicas had tried to pull her away, despite their engagement being put off since she was going to school, and Xena told her no. Told her she had a life here, that it was dangerous, and that she wasn't taking her along. 

It was a good thing Gabrielle already knew the way, avoiding the cyclops and hitching a ride with the first cart that came along. Only this time she was prepared- her bags packed with all the dinars she had made that would have been for Athens, easily carried foods that would actually last replacing the soft bread and fruits she had packed the last time, flint and steel and a small knife hidden away so she could survive alone if she had to. This time she knew, knew exactly what she was getting into, and Gabrielle went prepared.

It went exactly as she remembered it going- she caught up to Xena, stopped the people of Amphopolis from making the biggest mistake of their life, and Xena stopped Draco. She saved the town from his army, and when she left them, Gabrielle followed.

Followed her to her brother's grave, and made it known that Xena wasn't alone (she had wanted to say she'd never be alone, that as long as she lived, Xena would always have a friend, but perhaps that was too much, even for her). Followed her as she left the town, upset over her treatment by the people she had once called family. Followed her into the camp, pretending to need Xena's fire. She had the flint, had the know-how, but Xena just smiled and offered her the other side of the fire, and while Gabrielle itched to protest (in the first world, it had taken over a year for them to share the same side of the fire, but rarely had they separated after they had started), she had just settled into the furs without protest. 

It was almost exactly as she remembered, exactly as it should be, and for now, for Gabrielle, that was enough. Things would change, she was sure of it- there were so many regrets she had, so many things that she needed to do to make sure their future was a little bit better, but for now, this was enough. 

It was enough that Gabrielle remembered it all, and could change it as they went. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok, so, for the early years, there's not really much I would change? Like, there're some things of course, individual things here and there that could have gone differently, but as for plot? For the first two season, that's pretty simple, mainly because little happens that actually has far reaching effects. Season 3 are where most of the changes are going to pick up, so for now? Enjoy what little changes and keep your hats ready for future changes that shall come. Because that's going to be insane.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

She'd forgotten how Zeus damned annoying it was to be left behind all the time. 

Gabrielle remembered, of course- she remembered everything about the first time she had lived through this life. But there was a difference between remembering the event and living through it. Remembering the annoyance and worry and slight twinge of fear for her new found friend and living through it all, all while resisting the urge to strangle the warrior the next time she saw her. 

Gabrielle _understood_ , of course. As far as Xena knew, she was little more than a child, a young woman who had joined up with a fearsome ex-warlord for the adventure of it. It was Xena's job to protect her, to keep her safe, to make sure she lived to see another day. Xena didn't know what Gabrielle did; she didn't know what they had been through together, what they would go through in this life, didn’t know how strong Gabrielle truly was. And while Gabrielle understood, it hurt. 

She'd been tempted, ever since that first night, to tell Xena about the future. To just lay it all out, to put everything on the line and let Xena make the decision. Let her make the call about whether or not to trust her, to skip forward to where their relationship had left off, to not worry about the hundreds of things that would go wrong because now they would go right. Oh, had she been tempted. 

But Gabrielle held back. Xena wasn't ready, and to push forward, to try and force what would come naturally if she just waited? It would ruin everything. So Gabrielle held onto the role Xena had put her in, allowing the dice to fall where she already knew they would. 

But it was beyond annoying, especially when, for the third time that week, Xena left her in a tavern and left to make sure it was safe. 

Especially since Gabrielle knew what was coming. She knew about the arrow wound Xena would receive, knew about the warlord's son she herself was going to have to flirt with later in order to get him to change sides, she knew it all. And to just sit there and wait was killing her. 

So, like Gabrielle had taken to doing the last few times Xena had left her alone, she trained. 

It wasn't anything obvious, no. As much as Gabrielle wanted a sword or her sais back in her hands, those were too out of place, too noticeable. Xena would see them, would ask too many questions, would make things too awkward and force out the explanation from her. All things she was trying to avoid. So she trained with a staff; those were easy enough to come by, given a few minutes in the woods and some large enough trees. Every time she was alone, she had managed to find a decent replacement for her old staff relatively quickly, allowing her to get in some time training before Xena returned. 

It felt nice, having a weapon in her hands again, after so long. After so many months of being soft, of the most dangerous thing in her hands being her eating knife, she could feel herself getting strong again. It would take years to rehone the skills she had learned, to regain the abilities she had lost, but Gabrielle already knew she could do them, that she would have them again, and knowing, as Xena had once told her, was already half the battle. 

So she trained, and when the warlord's son arrived, she went back into the tavern to flirt with him, and when a few days later, Xena found out about him, she silently accepted the scolding Xena gave her about men (all while biting her tongue. Because she knew _exactly_ what Xena's taste in men were, and she had no room to speak). Gabrielle allowed what happened to happen, and whenever Xena left her behind, she just kept training. 

It was easier than she thought to change things. She had thought it would be hard, trying to figure out how to shift and shape the world around them to fit her needs, her knowledge of the future only telling her one of the paths she could take. But it was surprisingly easy. 

When she was kidnapped by the priests of Morpheus, she already knew what she had to do to stall for time. She kept the battles going longer, dragged out those couple of extra seconds and minutes and hours Xena needed, and Xena saved the day, easily as could be. 

It was easy to prove that Xena hadn't killed any of the men near the village, because no men were ever killed. When Xena mentioned the town they would be passing by, Gabrielle just ever so casually mentioned going a different route, a shortcut that would get them through the mountain range in just a few hours, instead of the two days going the normal route would take. When questioned, Gabrielle had just referenced her studies of maps, and Xena had accepted it, leading them in the opposite direction, high into the hills on a path that did, technically, get them out of the range faster than if they had gotten caught up in Ares' plan. And from the hill, Gabrielle watched as the travelers got home safely, tiny little specks that saw no interference as they returned to their town. 

She protected the people from the titans by just never offering to read the scrolls, leaving them all to believe the magic just wasn't there. She protested Xena trying to die to save Prometheus, and managed to keep Iolaus from getting hurt. The former had Xena hesitating just enough to get them all to figure out some other answer that didn't involve Xena getting kidnapped by a giant flying lizard and falling from a thousand feet in the air, and the latter just helped. Helped Hercules and Xena fight off the creatures that had hatched from the eggs, helped them all be there to free Prometheus, helped to save the world.

When she saw Perdicas in Troy, it was easy to realize what she felt, this time. She loved him, yes, loved him like the brother she had never had, the brother and best friend he had been to her before their parents had decided they were to marry. She saw the man he had become, and even knowing what it would do to him, she was proud that he had tried to change his fate, had struck out on his own to realize what the world could be. But the kiss she gave him was on the cheek, a promise to catch up again soon and send letters if she could and if he ever went back to Potidea, and that was that. 

Living life in hindsight was a blessing and a curse, it seemed. The chance to fix everything, to understand why things had gone the way they had, but even with the changes, powerless to stop it all, overall. 

Because some things were the same- she still threw herself over Terreis, protecting her when the arrows fell but unable to stop the first of them, making her a princess. Though she was able to change Ephiny's opinion of her, Ephiny’s face as she used her own staff to knock her on her ass a priceless sight, especially since the Amazons' opinion of her had been so low to begin with- a seemingly defenseless villager Xena had been refusing to train having defeated a warrior who had been training since she was four. She still left for Athens, some curious part of her wondering, after so many years of practice, how much better she would be (the officiator was sobbing by the time she finished, barely able to speak, and the headmaster begged on his knees for her to stay when she left to meet up with Xena) and a desire to see her old friends once more. People she had thought about fondly in her travels, even if she never seen them again. 

She still got Xena and Diana confused those first few days they stayed in the palace after the assassination attempt had been uncovered, unused to seeing a double wandering around after so long of there just being Xena. It still hurt, listening to Xena and Marcus that night, the two of them believing her asleep- hurt to hear her soulmate with another, even if Marcus was probably the one man in Xena's life actually deserving of her. One of the few Gabrielle could fully approve of, if Xena's inclination had gone towards him staying.  And even though she knew it was tolmic poison on that dart and that Xena would be fine, that she would awaken and save the day, the sight of her best friend, her soul mate, lying still on that table? 

Gabrielle still broke, still found herself screaming in the woods as she beat a tree with her staff, because Xena seemed dead, and the last time Xena had _been_ dead, Gabrielle had burned her. Burned her and lost her and in the process lost everything. 

She still allowed herself to get captured by Callisto's men, though more for Joxer than anything else. He was her friend, the other brother she had never had, and just like she expected, when Callisto asked him to cut her throat, he balked. Xena saved her, just like she always had, and Gabrielle found herself safe and sound once again, secretly excited for their next meeting with Joxer. At least before he fell in love with her, he had been fun to hang around and goof off with, and as for the crush? Well, she had a plan for that this time. 

And Gabrielle still found herself in the middle of that war. She couldn't even think about getting Xena to change course- Ephiny was there, needed their help, and Gabrielle had almost insisted on them following that path. And Gabrielle hadn't cared that it was suspicious if she was able to lead them directly to where Ephiny had been hiding; she still did, running before Xena despite the warrior's frantic, terrified yells for her to stop and come back, because her sister was in trouble. Gabrielle still found herself leaving the safety of the temple, to save that boy, something she actually succeeded in doing this time- she took an arrow through her thigh as well as a sword to her chest, but still she saved him. Saved him with just a broken nose and a gash above his eye, saved him and took him _home_. 

She still found herself dying, dead, in the Elysian fields, greeted by her family. Family that knew- the gods knew what had happened, apparently, had seen it all in the Fate's newly fixed loom all those months ago when the repeat had begun, and were just waiting. Just waiting to see what she would do, how she would change the future, whether or not her knowledge of what was to come would be enough. 

Found herself cradled in Xena's arms as she began to breathe once again, Hades allowing her to return with a gentle smile and a quiet wish of "Good luck." Found Xena crying over her, tears she longed to reach up and kiss away but unable, just too weak to move. Found herself slipping into sleep as Xena hovered protectively over her, the war finally over, making sure no more harm would come.

Her wounds were worse this time. Not just the slash to her chest, but the muscles in her thigh had torn as well, especially after carrying the boy back to the temple. She would have a limp for a good long while, though none of them, Xena or the priests, had believed it would be permanent. Just something that would heal, that would fade over time as she recovered. An annoyance, and something Xena deemed bad enough to delay them at the temple for another week while she healed, but still, Gabrielle was sure she came out none the worse for the wear. And she saved him, had saved that little boy. 

Just like she planned on saving Solan. 

It _hurt_ , seeing him. She had known there would be pain- even the slightest thought of him, of what had happened, had been enough to start the ache in her heart. But to _see_ him, to listen to him speak, even as he all but cursed Xena? It hurt more than she _ever_ could have realized that it would. 

He was one of the things she was going to fix. She was going to change his future, would make sure that he would grow up into a wonderful young man, that he would get the destiny her daughter had stolen from him. Watching as he ran off, as Xena talked to Kaleipus, Gabrielle swore right then and there that she would fix it all. 

She had to let herself be bitten by the bacchae- there was no other way, not to stop Bacchus, at least. No other way to get Xena to change, though this time it was different. She had more control, almost, as if her previous life as one of the creatures kept her mind from being overwhelmed. Together, she and Xena killed the god, saved the girls- and for a moment Gabrielle began to panic. This was the first god of how many Xena would kill in her lifetime? How many more would die by her hand, and how many more would try to kill them? 

If she had her way, none. Of that, Gabrielle was sure. 

It was easy to say no to Perdicas this time, now that she knew. Because he needed her, by the _gods_ , did he need her. But she didn't love him, not the way he wanted her to, and she needed Xena more. She needed her, needed her like the world needed the sun, and so she said no. Said no to his initial proposal, said no to the second time he asked- she couldn't love him, not the way he needed her to, so she said no. 

She was still going to take him home, though, still going to make sure he got there safely. A couple of days of them talking, she hoped, would help. And there were plenty of women in Potediea, quite a few who longed for him, and Gabrielle was sure he would find happiness there. So she and Xena made plans on where to meet, if Gabrielle returned back towards the area before Xena finished catching Callisto and could meet up with them, and they left. Left with a long hug and a promised good bye, so very different from the kiss and promise to come visit that had initiated their departure in the first world. 

"You love her, don't you? That's why you won't marry me." 

All Gabrielle could do was nod and watch as Perdicas, surprisingly, smiled. She had been expecting a scowl, at least, the most common reaction, in both worlds, from people who took the step towards assuming she and Xena were lovers. But Perdicas just smiled, a small, sad smile. 

"Does she make you happy?" 

"More than anything in the world." 

They continued on like that as they walked, side by side, discussing Gabrielle's adventures, talking through his experienced with war. It was hard, sometimes; sometimes his voice would shake and falter, his skin paling as he remembered what he had done, the world around him spinning as he froze mid-step and got caught up in the memories of what had happened. Episodes that passed, eventually, leaving him trying to laugh them off as he drank from the offered waterskin, but painful events that tugged at her heart. 

She wanted to love him, wanted to be the woman he wanted her to be, but she couldn't. And knowing what she knew this life, Gabrielle couldn't pretend. 

But she could protect him, and make sure he lived to find the woman who could. 

She had thought they would be safe- leaving a day earlier than they had before, walking through much of the darkness until the road became too dangerous to continue; at least an entire twelve hours ahead of Callisto, before she ever realized that Xena had left their little group, leaving them exposed. She had thought it would be safe, that it would all be ok, that Xena would be able to take care of her and they would be done. 

Callisto rounded the corner behind them in a fury of steel and sand, Xena and Argo right on her heels, the chakram arching through the air towards her hand as it slashed down, a killing blow aimed right for his neck. 

It fell on her back instead, a diagonal slash that seared itself from her shoulder to her hip before the chakram could reach Callisto’s wrist, one of the few times the weapon had been too slow. A wound that sent her sprawling as twin voices screamed her name, as Callisto rode off as Xena came to a halt besides her, falling from Argo as she scrambled to get to her side. 

It wasn't deep, thank the gods, just a flesh wound that had missed her spine. It would scar, Xena had determined, after it had cleaned and stitched and covered in a poultice that would drive away infections, but it would heal. And with time the scar would soften and fade, and just like everything else, it would be left in the past.

The worst of the lasting damage was that she would need a new shirt. 

Xena asked her to go home that night, after Perdicas had fallen into an uneasy sleep. Asked her to leave her for good, to go home and live a safe life. She had almost lost her twice, had seen her bloodied and stitched up and thought she was dead twice in the span of just a few short weeks. So Xena asked her to go home. She didn't care what she did there- write, get married and raise children, become a hoarder of cat related paraphernalia; Xena just wanted her safe, and home would be so. 

It hurt, levering herself up into a sitting position; doable, her wounds treated enough that Gabrielle would be able to do a slow walk, or even ride Argo as she healed if they kept to a gentle pace, but still painful. But Gabrielle still did, despite Xena's protest that she should stay laying on her stomach, so that Gabrielle could be face to face with Xena when she spoke. 

Xena had told her once that she knew she loved her after she almost lost her in the temple. That she had kept her feelings to herself for the longest time out of fear- fear that Gabrielle wouldn't feel the same, fear that she would never be deserving of her, fear in general for Gabrielle's life, if she let her love for her be know. So even though this was earlier than before, earlier than it had been in the last world, where Gabrielle hadn't realized her feelings for Xena until after she had lost her on that mountain, Gabrielle felt no fear of her own. No hesitation. Not when it was finally time. 

Gabrielle leaned forward and kissed Xena, a soft, gentle kiss that had the other woman staring at her in wonder, in shock, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape even as Gabrielle smiled and laughed. Smiled and laughed and said, in a soft little voice- "I can't go home. I love you."

Xena was quick to recover, hands reaching out to help lower Gabrielle back down onto the furs, rearranging the light cloth they had draped over her back to protect it from the slightly chilled night air. She smoothed back Gabrielle's bangs, leaning down to place a quick kiss onto her forehead before pulling back, putting some space between them. 

Gabrielle wanted to protest when she heard Xena mutter something about the pain herbs and sleep talking, but Xena had a point- she felt like she was floating, the pain in her back gone, sleep just waiting for her on the horizon. So she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift, planning to talk with Xena tomorrow. 

Tomorrow didn't come, not in the way she expected. She woke up to Xena gone, Perdicas asking- no, begging- one more time that she come home with him, not even to get married but just to be safe, and the exact knowledge of where Xena would be.

It burned, moving, the stitches in her back tugging as she forced herself up and on, holding tightly onto her staff as she hobbled along, ignoring Perdicas' pleas. She had to get to Xena, had to make sure she was alright; even though the plan had always been for Xena to go alone, for Gabrielle to get Perdicas somewhere safe, she hadn't actually thought it would come down to this. To Xena going off after her alone, trying to end Callisto without backup, without her besides her. Even if in the last life Gabrielle had been tied to a stake, about to die for her attempt on Callisto herself, Xena still hadn't had to face her creation alone. 

He tried to stop her, and for his troubles Perdicas ended up lying on the side of the road after all, only this time with an egg shaped lump on his skull, courtesy of her staff, instead of a gaping wound from Callisto's sword. It only took a single blow to fell him, and Gabrielle kept on, ignoring the burning in her back, the blood she could feel leaking down and wetting the top of her skirt, making the loose, makeshift shirt Xena had fashioned for her to wear stick to her skin. 

They found her soon enough, Callisto's men, and they took her to her. Took her to where Callisto and Xena were waiting, Xena tied into that chair, Joxer having taken her place in an attempt to get revenge against Callisto and subsequently getting caught. Callisto just laughed, surprised that Gabrielle had survived, and tied her to the stake as well. 

Just like last time, Xena broke free, though Xena never went far from where Joxer had hustled her after the two of them had been freed. She couldn't fight, not like this, not with her back burning and her head spinning. Not that she cared- she had had worse, in the other world, and she had survived. So she tried, striking out with her staff at any who came near, either knocking them out or knocking them into Xena's sword, ending them as they tried to end her.

All while Callisto watched. Watched and laughed as her men died, observed Xena's protective movements, made an attempt for Gabrielle herself, her sword once again poised to fall and-

And froze, her face twisted in shock as she looked down at the blade that poked from between her ribs, her own sword clattering to the ground as Callisto turned. Turned and faced the rage in Xena's eyes, the last shred of goodness, of possible forgiveness, gone. Because Callisto had already tried to hurt Gabrielle twice, had succeeded once, and Xena was determined to never let it happen again. 

They still burned a body that night, Xena determined to see to the end of the creature she had had a hand in making. But this time Perdicas stood beside them, nursing his head wound, his expression unreadable. When they offered to take him home, really take him home this time, he refused. He was thankful, of course, gracious for the offer, but still he turned them down. He wanted to take his time, to see if the world could have a peaceful light, before he went back to his childhood home. 

Xena insisted they stay in the village a while longer, just enough to make sure her back was ok- an unnecessary precaution, after those first few days. Her back had turned into a mass of scabs that pulled and broke whenever she moved too quickly, but just like with her previous injury, if she walked slowly, if she kept her footing stable as they walked, she could move without too much discomfort. 

Xena didn't bring up the kiss, and Gabrielle didn't press it, letting her friend believe her confession had been the result of the herbs they had used to ease her initial pain. Instead Gabrielle focused on helping Xena through her nightmares- Callisto's own taunts from the afterlife, the renewed fear Xena seemed to have about losing her, tormented thoughts that kept Xena awake long after she should have let sleep take her. So Gabrielle focused on those; little touches and soft words to remind her that she was alive and well, healing fast, pointing out that what she had done was to protect her. 

There was no guilt there, not this time; Xena had done what she had done out of love, to protect her friend, not because she had just chosen to let Callisto die. It took a couple of weeks, Xena growing almost haggard before they began to falter, but soon enough they left. The nightmares faded, she began to sleep again, and, for now, because Gabrielle was sure Callisto would find a way back into the world, but for now, they were ok.

For now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. I moved into my own apartment, and between getting the old one packed and the new one set up, it’s been busy. But I’m all good to go (almost, just need to do a final cleaning) in my new place! :D So I’ll have plenty of time to write and stuff. Sorry this chapter is a bit short- again, I’ve been busy, plus this was just a good stopping point, I felt. I hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

They saved Ares’ sword; it was harder this time, Xena unable to pretend to pass as Callisto. But she still fought her way onto the ship, convincing the other warlords she was just as ready to take over as the goddess of war as any of them. It was almost impossible for Gabrielle to keep her secret- in the other world she had finally learned how to control her anger, how to push away her fear and focus in on a battle, skills this world's Gabrielle wouldn't have. So she pretended, pretended to get irrationally angry over every little slight, doing her best to keep up the ruse. 

Not that it mattered, because Ares knew. Of course he knew; all the gods on Olympus did to some extent, even if none of the mortals realized they were reliving the lives they had already lived once.

"Zeus forced us to swear, on penalty of death, that we wouldn't interfere," Ares muttered that first night, his words half slurred from drink but his eyes clear. "The Fates decreed that you had to have your chance. Don't waste it, blondie, or else she's dead." 

He didn't know, exactly, what the other life had been like, a little fact Ares let slip later into the night. None of them did. They just had a vague sense of deja vu, as if they had already made the choices that were to come. And some things remained from that other life, just buried in their subconscious- Ares made an offhanded comment about her sais, and how he couldn't wait for her to start killing again, though confusion clouded his features as he wondered at the words he hadn’t meant to speak. Little things that stuck, here and there, but no big picture to put them into. 

Gabrielle was almost glad. Because she had her chance, and with even the gods unable to interfere for fear of making the world that much worse than the last had been? Nothing could stop her. 

They saved Ares' sword after managing to trick Sisyphus into letting them compete, and he made no mention of what he had revealed, though his parting gaze lingered on her for a moment longer than it had the last time. 

He'd be trouble, there was no question about that. But for now, Gabrielle smiled up at Xena, remembering the way this had all ended last time- with brown eyes returning her grin instead of blue, a promise to love her no matter what she looked like, and a sinking in her stomach as Gabrielle fought for it not to be a lie until the winds shifted and things were once again ok. 

But this time there was no lie, no promise to be made, and instead they just walked along the beach in silence, watching as Joxer tried to do some foolish Joxer thing that just made them laugh. 

It was calm, for a while. Even with saving Solstice and stopping a war through a beauty pageant (something Gabrielle actually took a moment to enjoy, even if the kiss was enough to start a spark of jealousy in her stomach), things were calm. There were fights, sure, bandits that tried to catch them off guard, tried to collect the bounty on Xena's head, but that was just life. That was amazingly normal for them, a common occurrence that barely rated mention. 

They met Hercules and Iolaus, spent a night catching up and trading stories, and that's when they found out- Hera had brought Callisto back, Hercules had trapped her, and she was immortal, forever stuck in her darkness. Hercules tells them the story Callisto told him: Xena's army, the fire, watching her mother and sister scream as they fell to the heat and the smoke, their bodies too charred for any kind of recognition. He says it all without accusation, for what's past is past, but still it brings a darkness to Xena's gaze. 

It's a darkness that lightens when the topic shifts, changing to how Iolaus had to convince Aphrodite to let people fall in love again, and for a little bit she believes it's all ok. 

Until they arrive at Cirra. 

She hadn't been paying attention. She had gotten lost in the comfort of it all, had forgotten to count the days, weeks, months that had passed since she had restarted this life. Not that it mattered, since things were already off- her wounds had taken them off the schedule she remembered, leaving her semi-floundering whenever they reached a different story from the ones she remembered telling. Stories she already had written down, that she just shifted and edited when a new detail arose from her changes, scratching out sections and putting the new truth before copying it all to a new, clean scroll. 

But she tried to keep track, tried to sort through her memories and the life she had already lived to figure out where things could change, where she could shift the pattern of events that would give the world its new lease. 

And this? This was a big one. 

She still let herself get captured- there were innocent people there, women and children and old men, and Gabrielle can live with a lot of things, but their deaths aren’t one of them. So she gets captured, and when Xena shows up to save her, she fights alongside her, driving off warrior after warrior as the villagers flee. And when that giant of a man steps forward, going after the child to distract Xena as his brother in arms climbs the tree, Gabrielle's ready. 

Ready to tackle the child, rolling away from the warrior, sending him stumbling as his swing met no resistance. Ready to scramble to safety before he can recover, giving Xena the moment she needed to embed her sword into his side, a painful wound in and of itself. Ready to scream as the rope was cut, sending Xena sprawling to the ground as the giant tree trunk sailed over her, just missing her head, instead finishing the battle with the warrior as he struggled to get upright, trying to find his footing so he could continue a fight he had so clearly lost. 

Xena lived. She walked from that battle all but unscratched, a single knick her payment for the battle she had ended. She lived, and all Gabrielle can do is sigh in relief from her living. Because with Xena still alive, there's no need for the ambrosia. There's no need for Autolycus, no need for funeral pyres or for Valesca, no need for Callisto. No need to free Callisto, to turn her into a goddess, to eventually witness her death, and while her heart aches for Eve, Gabrielle pushes those thoughts aside. Xena is her goal, not Eve, and while she would always love the girl, if Callisto had to stay trapped for Xena to live, then so be it. 

There might be another way- Ares had a soft spot for Callisto, he might be the "savior" she needed to play to get her godly powers, the powers that would eventually lead to her death and Eve's existence. But for now Gabrielle just whispered a small goodbye to their daughter and turned back to face the future.

Because she has to keep Xena alive this time, and if ensuring Eve never exists is the price she has to pay? It’s a sin she’ll gladly take upon her own soul to ensure she’s successful. 

They still go to the Amazons- Ephiny as regent is the best option in any world, especially when the other is Velesca. And even without Xena’s body to drag behind Argo, Gabrielle missed them, longed for their company. She hadn’t spent enough time with the Amazons in their first life, had lost so many friends and sisters to wars she had been absent for, and that had hurt. It had hurt that she had never been able to say goodbye, had never been able to be the queen they had deserved, had disappointed so many of them. While she doubted she could do much, the Amazon’s lives so utterly separate from the adventures she and Xena were soon to face, she was hopeful. Hopeful that she could do some things to change the fates of her friends in some small way to make them better.  

Xena disapproved, at first, of the idea of her becoming Queen. It makes her that much more of a target, puts her in that much more danger- her concern almost made Gabrielle laugh. Because in this world Xena's still alive, and she has no idea what Gabrielle had been through, not in that other world. Gabrielle instead soothes her worry, telling her her plan of passing off the crown to Ephiny, allowing the Amazon to rule in her stead. A few days of rest, of relaxing (this time in joy, not in sorrow) while she learned what being Queen entailed, and they would be back on the road. 

Xena agreed, though she kept her eyes trained on Velesca the entire time, as if she could feel her discontentment. When Gabrielle took the mask and put it on instead of handing it over, Velesca glances almost hesitantly over at Xena before making her challenge, this time with words instead of her knife. 

And when Xena steps forward, prepared for Gabrielle to name her champion and begin the fight, Gabrielle instead says she'll fight her herself, much to the warrior's surprise. 

"Are you insane, Gabrielle," Xena demanded in an angry hiss in her hut, watching as Gabrielle prepared herself for the fight. She'd chosen her staff, of course, the only weapon she technically knew how to use in this world, but was wrapping her hands and wrists much like Xena had once showed her. She was prepared for it to come to blows, and she knew where to strike- Velesca favored her left leg ever so slightly, a hint of a scar across her right thigh just where her skirt road up as she walked, and Gabrielle was sure a couple of punches to the area would bring her down. Bring Velesca down, let her get on top of her, and finish it all. 

She knows Xena knows all of this, and she knows that Xena doesn't know that she knows. Because these are skills another Xena taught another Gabrielle, things she wouldn't learn for another two, almost three years in their original lives, and so Gabrielle just lets Xena rant. 

"Velesca's a trained warrior, she's been in hundreds of battles, and she killed the last Queen. She won't hesitate to kill you too. Gabrielle, you _can't_ fight her." Xena's almost desperate as she rants, as she tries to find some combination of words that will get Gabrielle to back down and claim her as her champion. “You need to-“

"Xena," Gabrielle said, her voice low, a little bit dangerous- enough to cause Xena to pause, even if the voice didn't make her step back like it did most people, both in the last world and the few times she had used it in this. But the almost startled look Xena gives her is enough to make a little part of Gabrielle happy; she’s more capable then Xena thinks, and she's about to show her. "Xena, these are my people. I have to be the one to fight for them.” 

_Like I'm fighting for you_ , Gabrielle thinks, but the words never leave her lips. They can't, not yet- maybe someday she can explain to Xena the other world, the second chance she was given, but not yet. 

"Even if it means killing for them?" Xena's voice is a little less harsh but harder, almost worst as she stares at Gabrielle. Questioning, demanding, searching her face for the truth. 

Gabrielle thinks about Ephiny, killed by the Romans. Thinks about Amarice, killed by the nomads to the north that had harried the Amazons there. Thinks about Helicon, about the women she had led into war on that beach who she had had to leave behind, only coming back later so they could be burned. 

These were her people, and she had already killed for them, so many times over.

"I don't want to," Gabrielle said, the truth in her voice. If there was a way to not kill, to disarm and let live in such a way that they wouldn't pose a threat later on, then she would. She wanted to. "But if I must, I will." Again, the truth. 

They part on that truth, Gabrielle walking from her tent before Xena can speak, the other woman only following to take her place around the ring. They both knew Xena would never let her die, that her chakram would soar and take Velesca's head before she could deal the killing blow, but between them there was only silence. 

If anything was to change- if Xena was to stop seeing her as a child- then Gabrielle had to show her what she could do. At the very least a taste of it, a hint of the power within, to prove that she was more than Xena saw her. It would be a long while before they were equals, but the distance between them wasn’t quite so great as Xena thought. It was something Xena, stuck as she was in the protector roll, needed to realize- that while her help was always welcome, it wasn’t always necessary. Though it was good to have her close by, just in case. 

Just in case Gabrielle, misled by her memories, overconfident in her abilities, had misjudged the situation.

But she hadn’t, and Xena’s assistance hadn’t been needed. Just like she had thought, Gabrielle had been able to handle herself, had handled herself against much worse, against many more people much more dangerous and cruel than Velesca, and Gabrielle had her on the ground before she could even think. It'd been easy- Velesca had underestimated her, believed her, as many people did, to be nothing more than the Warrior Princess' bed warmer; a weak, pretty little creature Xena kept around because it amused her. Velesca hadn't seen the glint in Gabrielle's eyes, hadn't noticed just how solid and firm her stance was, and in three moves, Velesca had been brought down. 

The tip of Gabrielle's staff at her neck, just threatening to crush her windpipes if she gave her any reason to believe her a threat, Velesca begged for her mercy, and mercy Gabrielle gave. She slunk off, alone and hurt, to tend to her own wounds, and the Amazons had praised their new Queen. 

They stayed for a few days, just because. They were in no rush, no hurry, and it was nice, being somewhere safe. Even with all her grumbling about being tied down longer than necessary, Xena enjoyed the break as well- she was popular with the kids, and could always be found with at least five or six little girls following her at any given moment, a fact that had her smiling whenever someone pointed out her little shadows. Little shadows she clearly showed off for, taking every opportunity to flip or throw her chakram, resulting in an excited babble of little voices. And it wasn't for too long, just long enough for Gabrielle to get everything in order for Ephiny to rule, things they had just kind of skimmed over the first time that, this time, Gabrielle took much more seriously. 

It was just for a few days. But those few days had been enough. 

They shared a hut, of course- even after her nightmares from the first time she had almost died faded, Xena had continued to spread out their sleeping furs right next to each other, glancing over every few times to make sure it was ok, to see if Gabrielle would protest. She never did, and they more often than not woke up curled around each other, warm and comfortable in each other's arms. Her injury from Callisto had made those nightmares resurface, and now there was no pretense; Gabrielle fell asleep in Xena's arms and woke up in them on the rare occasion when Xena stayed in bed, holding her close and reminding herself that Gabrielle was safe and alive. So they shared a hut, shared a large bed, and left their bags lying around wherever they had dropped them. 

Bags that, one day, Xena had been going through to try and find one thing or another. Bags that had included Gabrielle's scrolls, all of the scrolls she had written over the months before Xena had even arrived, cataloging everything she could remember of their adventures and the scrolls she had rewritten while they had traveled together. Scrolls it had taken Xena five years to read that first life, scrolls Gabrielle had thought were safe. 

Scrolls Xena, during that lazy afternoon, her initial search forgotten, began to read. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And to make up for the shortness of last chapter, here's a super long one! :D I'm actually super nervous- I'm going to meet Renee at a con this weekend, and I'm going to wear my Gabrielle cosplay, and I'm just kind of freaking out about it. That leads to a lot of writing, so yeah. I hope you guys all enjoy the results of my terror!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

It was late by the time Gabrielle entered the hut, tired but excited- they had finished the last of the ceremonies that would give Ephiny her powers as regent, had finished going over everything Gabrielle would need to know, had readied everything for her departure. They would leave that next morning, and be back on the road before they knew it.

She had expected Xena to smile, to be excited at getting back out into the world. She had expected her to be slightly sad about leaving the children behind, even if it would give them back a modicum of privacy. She had expected Xena to be impatient, itching to get out there and fight a real fight, save some people, to continue redeeming herself.

She hadn't expected suspicion when Xena looked at her, nor had she expected her to hold up the scroll she had been reading from, or motion towards the scrolls lying next to her, all partially unfurled. A scroll that Xena held out towards her, words facing her, so Gabrielle could see the story the parchment held.

The story of how Xena had died and come back to life, the story Gabrielle had just finished preventing.

"How do you know about Caesar? And Mi'lila? Gabrielle, _what_ is this?"

She wasn't ready. She hadn't been expecting Xena to read her scrolls for years, hadn't expected to have to explain herself to her friend, hadn't even thought of what she would say if Xena did discover her scrolls. For a long moment Gabrielle just stood there, her eyes wide, frozen as Xena continued to stare, danger and suspicion in her gaze.

So she told her the truth. Or, at least, in part.

"You have the gift of sight?"

It was the truth. Gabrielle had had dreams that had come true before, like their fight with the Persians, or the one time she had dreamt about their cow giving birth to twins, or the handful of other times that she had had dreams that had come true. So when Gabrielle slid into a chair before Xena and said those five words- "I can see the future."- she was, in fact, telling the truth. Just not about this.

"Why hadn't you told me before," Xena demanded, motioning towards the scrolls- scrolls that held six years of adventures, all the ones Gabrielle could remember, all the ones she was slowly rewriting as she changed the course of history. "And what are all these scrolls? Visions? What have you been writing?"

"I didn't tell you, Xena," Gabrielle said, slipping in as Xena took a breath, before she could continue speaking, "because even I don't know what's real and what's not. I wrote hundreds of scrolls before we met, and while some of them have come true, so many haven't. I wrote a scroll where Perdicas and I were married and he died the next day. Clearly, not the truth."

For this world, perhaps, but the tension in Xena's shoulders began to lessen as she spoke, so Gabrielle continued.

"I have my dreams," Gabrielle said, "but things can change that cause them to be wrong. I only see what’s destined to be from the moment I see it, not the changes that come when something goes differently. I've been rewriting the scrolls as things change, to show our adventures, but even I'm not sure what's real and what's just a dream."

"Some of it's clearly true," Xena said with a sigh, motioning towards the scrolls she had sprawled out- only the scrolls about her death, her resurrection, and the fight with Valecsa and Callisto, luckily. Gabrielle couldn't help but shudder at the idea of how Xena would have reacted to her knowledge of Britannia, or Chin, or the many other dark secrets Xena had only revealed to her in time, secrets Xena deserved to keep for now. "These dreams, do they show you the past as well?"

"No," Gabrielle said with a shake of her head. "No, in my dream you told me everything that had happened, once you were alive again. If you hadn't confirmed it now," she said with a wiry grin, trying to lighten the mood, "I would just think it was a dream. But this..." She reached out and brushed her fingers over the words, over the section she knew Xena was stuck at- her own crucifixion. "This is all real?"

She knew it was, but wanted to give Xena the chance. The chance to confirm, to deny, whatever Xena felt comfortable with. And Xena nodded, sitting back in her chair, actually relaxing for the first time since Gabrielle had entered the hut.

"Unfortunately," Xena confirmed, her arms crossing in front of her as she spoke. "I was young and foolish back then, and I trusted people I shouldn't have. That betrayal led me on a rampage unlike anything the world had ever seen before." She let the words hang between them, almost asking Gabrielle to say something; she didn't. She let Xena decide how much she would reveal- it wasn't like she didn't already know it all, the proof was in the scrolls. But if Xena wanted to retell the story, then Gabrielle would let her.

She didn't, though, instead just once again motioned towards the pile of scrolls still in Gabrielle's bag- the many that were still to come, the events that might never happen but that had been recorded by her hand on parchment.

"Why didn't you tell me?" A repeated question, though this time softer. Gentler. Xena wasn't demanding, just curious. "Even if some of them are just dreams, we could change the ones that turn out to be true."

"Does it matter," Gabrielle finally asked as an answer, breaking the silence that had fallen once again between them. "I don't know what's real and what's a story, and to spend our lives worrying about things that might never come would do what? Make us sick with worry, thinking our every misstep could cause some horrible event to come to light? There's no point in that, Xena." Gabrielle shook her head, forcing as much of a smile as she could. "I just knew that my destiny led to you," she finished. "And come what may, whether those scrolls are right or wrong, we'll face what they make together."

Xena didn't say anything, couldn't find anything to say after Gabrielle's little proclamation. Instead she just stood, offered her hand to Gabrielle, and pulled her out of her chair and into a hug, a tight, almost bruising squeeze that Gabrielle returned just as hard as she could, holding onto Xena with everything she had. They just stayed like that for a while before Xena finally pulled back, just enough to place a kiss on Gabrielle's forehead.

"What I read..." Xena said, her head tilting towards the scrolls ever so slightly. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, even if it was just a dream."

"A dream it'll remain," Gabrielle replied. She leaned forward, resting her head on Xena's chest while Xena's arms tightened once more, keeping her close. "For that, I'm thankful."

They parted eventually; Xena had to check over Argo and her tack, make sure there weren't any last minute repairs that needed to be done before they left in the morning. Plus, her shadows were waiting in the shade of a tree a few huts down the road from their own- they would want to spend one last evening hanging out with her, and again, though she would never admit it, Xena found herself liking their company.

Gabrielle stayed in the hut, and carefully, oh so carefully, began to sort her scrolls. The ones she had rewritten, the adventures that had already happened, the ones that were safe for Xena to read she slid into one bag, making only a loose knot to hold it closed- almost inviting, if the warrior wanted something to read in the future, since she had expressed such an early interest in her scrolls in this life. The others, the ones that were to come, Gabrielle packed away, wrapping each one in a scrap of cloth and tying them shut; shutting out the future past that she hoped would never come to be. Some, the ones she was sure wouldn't see much change, she left towards the top. Deterrents, blocks, time wasters just in case Xena couldn’t resist the temptation of knowing the future.

The others she almost burned before deciding otherwise, stuffing them into the bottom of that sack, the tales of Britannia and Chin and Japa buried as she hoped to bury them in this life.

They left early that next morning to the sounds of sad children and Amazons awaiting their return. To promises of them always having a home in the tribe, and calls to be safe in their journey.

They traveled in silence. A silence Gabrielle wasn't used to- a silence filled with tension, strong enough to be felt, heavy and thick and layered with thoughts they couldn't breach. It lightened ever so slightly as they walked, a few degrees as the day passed around them, but by the time they stopped for dinner (neither of them had been hungry for lunch, and so neither had called for a rest, just kept on going) it still existed.

Gabrielle knew exactly why, knew what was going on in Xena's mind- she knew Xena better than Xena knew herself, and it's wasn’t hard to guess. It hurt, but wasn’t hard.

"Do you want me to leave?"

There's a moment of panic in Xena's gaze as she freezes with her mouth half full of food; Gabrielle hadn't been paying attention when she asked, and had caught her in the middle of a bite. Quickly, though, Xena recovered, shaking her head as she quickly mashed the mouthful of meat into something she could swallow. Gabrielle waited as she coughed for a moment, taking a long drink from their waterskin, before turning to face her fully.

"Gabrielle, why would you think that?" Xena sounded honestly surprised, almost hurt by Gabrielle's suggestion, and that lightened Gabrielle’s heart ever so slightly.

"I can feel the tension, Xena," Gabrielle pointed out, giving a weak little shrug. "You've barely spoken to me all day. All I can think is that you don't want me around anymore."

It hurt to say the words, hurt to acknowledge what she believed Xena wanted, but Gabrielle didn't blame her. Though, she couldn't help but smile when Xena once again shook her head.

"Gabrielle..." Xena sighed as she put her food off to the side and shifted closer, one arm held out in invitation; one that Gabrielle happily accepted. Wrapping her arm around Gabrielle's shoulders, Xena stared into the fire for a moment as she worked through her words, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. "I'm just...not used to traveling with my own personal oracle, I guess," she said jokingly, though she sighed again when Gabrielle didn't respond. "I've been wondering if it was better to know the future, so I can change something if the scroll is real, or if it'd be better for me to know not. Knowing can have its advantages, but like you said..."

"It can drive you mad," Gabrielle filled in softly, her voice quiet in the night. She didn't know what she wanted to say, wasn't sure about the words that hovered on her tongue. But she curled closer into Xena's side, pressed herself closer to her, and waited.

"Probably," Xena eventually agreed, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of Gabrielle's head. "Does it bug you, knowing?"

"Occasionally." A half-truth, once again a partial lie- Gabrielle couldn't help but feel like that was what their lives had become. Lies hidden behind the truth, truth masquerading as the entire story while so many important pieces were left out, hidden, forgotten until their time drew near.

This Xena hadn't lived through the events the first one had. If she knew what was to come, if she knew the heartbreak and betrayal they would live through if Gabrielle couldn't change it, would this Xena be strong enough? Would she be able to handle it all, if Gabrielle told her the truth?

She wasn't sure, and part of Gabrielle hated herself for the doubt sown within her against her soulmate, against the most important person in her life, but she couldn't. Not yet. One day she would tell her everything, that Gabrielle swore to herself.

But for now? For now she held her tongue, and held Xena even tighter as they climbed into bed, her arm around her waist and her head on her shoulder, listening to Xena's heartbeat.

The traveling lightened afterwards, the two of them chatting comfortably or falling into companionable silence, but always something purposely light. Xena had made some decision- what it was, Gabrielle wasn't sure, but it was something that had brought her friend peace, so she didn't try to pry.

She was just glad that they fell back into who they were, joking and playing their games, getting on each other's nerves and practicing their fights. Though, this time Xena actually had to try; when Xena first suggested that Gabrielle try and hit her with the staff, Gabrielle was able to do it the third time she tried, smacking Xena across the ass and causing her to yelp, Gabrielle failing to bite back her laughter as the warrior turned to stare in surprise. It became harder to catch her off guard from then on, but occasionally she did.

It’s simple, friendly, and it keeps her mind occupied as they get back on the track of their lives.  

It's nice to see Minya again, though Gabrielle can't help but spend her time rolling her eyes over her obsession with Hower. This time, after talking doesn't work, she takes a much more direct approach:

When, out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Minya and Hower coming towards them, about to interrupt Xena's planning with some random complaint, Gabrielle interrupts her instead, grabbing her breastplate and pulling her into a less than platonic kiss. A kiss Xena, much to her surprise, returns after a moment. It doesn't last long, just enough to make an impression, before Gabrielle pulls away and leaves Xena to her planning, walking past the couple on her way out.

She can't help the small "Like you said, Hower is yours. Xena is mine." to Minya as she passes, just loud enough for Hower to hear. It works, though, and from then on the man almost actively tries to avoid them. Though Minya takes his place, alternating between following after Xena and Gabrielle, asking what she clearly thought were sly questions that were just too obvious. It was cute, in a way (Gabrielle knew she hadn't just heard the word 'thespian'), but almost just as distracting.

It works out, of course. Xena gives Minya hints on how to act if she wanted the world to think her tough (thus sending her down the path to being a Xena wannabe), Xena kills the giant, and soon after they leave the little town of Laurel, accepting the thanks of the returning villagers and turning away their coin as they set off to create their camp.

Neither talk about the kiss, of course, but Gabrielle can feel Xena staring at her. Staring, considering, a hundred different emotions practically rolling off the normally stoic woman.

They eventually split ways: just like last time, Diana once again needed Xena's help, and Xena, with a soft spot for the Queen- for her 'sisters,' as they had taken to calling her and Meg- agrees to go. She leaves Gabrielle behind to catch up later and heads off on Argo, disappearing down the hill within just a few minutes.

The moment she's gone from eyesight, Gabrielle finds herself pulled into a hug, surrounded by pink and roses and her face pressed against a very familiar pair of breasts.

"Hey sweetpea. Long time, no see."

Aphrodite, perhaps almost as much as the Fates, remembers. She remembers the first life they had all lived, remembered their friendship, remembered how the Olympians had been destroyed by their own foolish fears. She remembered it all. More than almost any other god, she kept her memories.

"Sweetheart," Aphrodite laughed when Gabrielle finally asked how, after the goddess had poofed them into her home on Mount Olympus so they could catch up, "I've been studying psychology for the last four thousand years. A couple of repressed memories have nothing on me."

It was good, getting to see her again. Even in the last life, it had been a while, the goddess too busy with restoring the world after she and Xena had managed to get her her powers back. But now the world was calm, peace and love in balance with war and hate, and the goddess of love could afford a lazy afternoon, what with her son picking up the slack. So a lazy afternoon they had, just talking, _actually_ talking. Not about the latest catastrophe waiting on the horizon, not about whatever great world ending problem had arrived, but just talking.

Aphrodite introduced her to Bliss, the little boy almost immediately falling asleep the moment he climbed into Gabrielle's lap. They talked about Gabrielle's feelings for Xena, and how things were developing on that front. Aphrodite even showed her some of the changes she had already created in the world: the little boy she had saved during the war was doing well, thriving with his friends. Perdicas had finally gone home of his own accord, was courting a young woman, and seemed happier. He spent a little too much time in the tavern, yes, but he seemed lighter. Less weighed down then he had last been. Even Velesca seemed to be doing well. She didn't seem happy, no, but she seemed at least content. Having lost her followers, lost her power, she had moved on to a different tribe where she was thriving. Word had followed her, how she had demanded a fight and lost, so the queen there wasn't trusting her, no, but at least had accepted her.

It did her some good, seeing the physical evidence of the changes she had been able to make so far, and for that Gabrielle was thankful to Aphrodite. More than she could say or show, because that meant it was working. She was changing this world, a little bit at a time, and that gave her hope. Hope that this wasn’t just a futile exercise in insanity, and that she would, when it came time, actually be able to save Xena.

They continued on the afternoon like that, resting, doing each other's hair and trying on clothes, relaxing in tubs as large as small lakes but warm. Aphrodite seemed almost intent on pampering her, and while it made Gabrielle cringe sometimes (Aphrodite might be the goddess of love, yes, but she was no goddess of fashion), she accepted it warmly. It was nice, seeing her friend once again.

Aphrodite put her down right behind Joxer, close enough that Gabrielle could clearly make out the words of the song he kept insisting on singing. It was late; another half hour of walking would get them to the town, and by then it would be time to pay for a room at the inn and sleep. As fun as their afternoon had been, it was time for them to part.

Aphrodite left her with a kiss on her cheek, a lipstick stain that quickly faded from view, leaving Gabrielle a little bit warmer than normal. But she just smiled and hugged her friend again before Aphrodite disappeared in a shower of sparkles and the slightest hint of roses and violets, leaving Gabrielle alone to call out for Joxer.

They arrive to find the city in full celebration- the prince and the princess had eloped to get married, joining their two kingdoms, and peace was assured for generations to come.

It was easy to prove Meleagor innocent, now that she knew the right questions to ask. And while she still got kidnapped (she had lost track of time, of where they were, and while she’d broken quite a few bones without her staff, twelve against one just wasn’t fair) and taken to the castle to marry the dead king, it was easier for Gabrielle to reveal the king's death to the council when the general tried to pass her off as Queen material. Xena still showed up blind and dependent on Palaemon, but she was welcomed in by the court and her eyes tended to (though she immediately, upon seeing the outfit the council had insisted Gabrielle wear until the coronation of the new king was complete, burst out laughing), making them none the worse for wear.

It hurt, making sure Xena would be by the sea when Ulysses showed up. Part of Gabrielle had wanted to be selfish, to leave the man to fend for himself and to avoid Xena's temptation. But that wasn't the point of this. This entire journey was to change things, yes, to keep Xena alive, but not at the expense of other people’s suffering. Part of Gabrielle had wanted to, but that part was no better than Ares, wanting to control, to own, to possess Xena instead of love her. So Gabrielle made sure to suggest they head towards the sea, even though Xena had brought up the idea of going north, and she made sure they were there.

There when the pirates showed up. There when Ulysses needed their help. There to make sure Xena met and fell in love with him.

Except she didn't.

Sure, she laughed with him, joked with him, even returned his flirting once or twice, but she never kissed him. Never told him she loved him. Never let him believe there could ever be anything more. She treated him like a warrior, a friend, but nothing more. And though she spent some time with him, mourned the loss of his wife with him, the amount of that time was small, in comparison to what it had been. Instead, Xena stayed focused on their task, on their mission, and kept them all alive.

And when he approached her below deck, while Gabrielle pretended to sleep, when he asked her to marry him, to stay with him on Ithaca? Xena said no.

"I don't understand," Ulysses said, his head cocked to the side. "I thought you liked me."

"I do," Xena confirmed, the sound of her hand landing on his shoulder in a friendly pat loud enough for Gabrielle to hear over her pounding heart. "You're a great man, Ulysses."

"And you're a great woman," he continued before Xena could. "Together, we could do amazing things."

"Probably, yes." The sound of Xena's boots on the wood, a sound Gabrielle had gotten used to over the last few days. Most of her time had been spent in her hammock, fighting off the effects of the seasickness (even with the pressure point, secretly used whenever Xena wasn't nearby to see, her stomach still turned. Though, whether it was the ocean or the man who made it so, Gabrielle wasn't entirely sure). There she had spent her time listening as Xena paced back and forward to check the ropes, the sails, everything that needed to be checked. It was a comforting sound, in a way. "But we can't be together when my heart belongs to another."

A heavy pause, a stillness that almost seemed to freeze the ocean itself, before Ulysses let out a heavy sigh and asked, with almost a disappointed voice, "Gabrielle?"

Xena didn't respond, but then she didn't need to. They all heard the answer in her silence. Ulysses left to check their course, Xena set about examining the map that she kept pinned to the table in the center of the room, and Gabrielle, her heart settling back in her chest, went to sleep. This time without worrying about what the future would hold.

They snuck into the castle, Ulysses strung his bow (with Xena's help), and the rightful king of Ithaca was returned to his throne. This time without a bittersweet goodbye, as she and Xena loaded onto the ship that would take them home.

It...wasn't easy, stopping the war between the Hoard and the Athenians, nor was it easy to watch Xena sink into her darkness. But it was easier than it had been to sneak out earlier on, a couple of skins of water hanging from her belt as she searched for and tended to the men who were still alive. Easier in that she knew she wouldn't die, at least not yet. Knew that the men approaching would get their own wounded, would leave her alone, had determined that she wasn't a threat to them, or anyone, really (oh if only they knew). She knew how to end this war, and so it was easy to act on it.

Xena's rage, however, wasn't easy to see.

"You could have been _killed_ , Gabrielle," Xena seethed the moment they were back in the commander's room, her voice just barely kept in check as she released the hold she had gotten on Gabrielle's arm the moment they were back inside. But Gabrielle knew she wanted to scream, could see she was shaking with her repressed desire to lash out at the thing making her angry but was keeping herself in check because that thing was Gabrielle. "What in _Tartarus_ were you thinking?"

"They were dying, Xena," Gabrielle said, rubbing where Xena had grabbed her; not hard enough to bruise, but enough to hurt, Xena's worry and her anger making her reckless. "I had to do something to comfort them. And all dying men want water. Besides," she pointed out, "they didn't hurt me. They just came to get their own wounded."

"I saw," Xena said, though the words sounded bitter on her tongue. "Perhaps they're not quite the monsters I thought they were. But I need to be sure, perhaps capture one and try to interrogate them...." Her voice trailed off as her thoughts wandered for a moment, but quickly she returned. "Don't _ever_ do something like that again." Without warning Xena turned and grabbed her once again, pulling Gabrielle into an almost crushing hug, Xena's face pressed hard into her hair.

She was shaking, hard, and only shook harder when Gabrielle reached up and held her. They had only been there a day; Xena hadn't sunk yet, hadn't given into her darkness, not entirely. She was still the Xena Gabrielle knew, instead of the Xena Gabrielle feared to meet. And this Xena was the one who could be scared.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Xena whispered softly, placing a kiss on the top of Gabrielle's head. "They told me you were outside the walls, alone, and my heart stopped. _Please_ , Gabrielle, don't scare me like that again. I couldn't stand to lose you."

Gabrielle pulled back, ever so slightly, so she could look up at Xena, so she could reach up and wipe away the moisture she knew would be gathering in her eyes. So she could promise that she was alright, that things were going to be ok. To show that she was alive and had no plans of changing that anytime soon.

Instead Xena leaned down and kissed her, long and slow and gentle, her hand reaching up to cup Gabrielle's face. And instead Gabrielle kissed her back, her own tears the one to fall as they kissed.

How long, between both worlds, had it been since they had shared a kiss of love? Not a kiss to fool, not a kiss to comfort, not a kiss to drive away the nightmares that occasionally clung to them, but an actual kiss of _love_? The love that Gabrielle had burned the world for one more chance at finding?

Too long. Too long, and finally the kiss broke, Xena's thumb wiping away the tears that wet her cheek as she gently shushed her, trying to calm the storm she hadn't realize her actions would cause. Gabrielle just laughed and kissed her again, smiling through the blurred vision whenever they parted only to kiss her again when her vision was clear once more.

That was how Mercer found them, when he came to get orders for himself and the men, signaling the end of their time alone. But this time Xena didn't sink further into her darkness. Instead she ordered the men to attack, to take a prisoner, and to bring him to her.

It was easy to lay the trap, get one of them alone and bring him into camp. Easy for Xena, now that she had realized these were men, just men she was dealing with instead of the monsters she had feared for so long, to figure out about their code. Easy for her to demand a duel with their leader, and easy to win.

The hoard retreated, accepting their defeat at her hands, and the men rejoiced. Rejoiced and packed up to go home, none of them willing to stay in such a cursed place.

A place she and Xena left as well, determined to get as far from the blood and death as they could. Determined to find somewhere good to spend their time, where they could relax and figure out what it was between them. They didn't talk about it, not there, at least; it felt almost disrespectful to talk about love where so many had been lost.

But they almost didn't need to. Gentle touches that passed between them with ease became the norm as they traveled; falling asleep not just next to but actively curled around each other was more common than it was not; a casual kiss when they passed each other in the morning to say hello, a careful kiss at night to wish each other lovely dreams. It was simple, simple and clean and pure, and it wasn't something that needed to be put into words. Not just yet. Not when they found themselves fighting bandits every other day, or on cursed ships trying to teach the captain about love, or any of the other obstacles that kept them from talking.

Gabrielle was happy with it as it was. Things were ok, were good, and they would find a time to talk, eventually.

'Eventually' ended up being after a small child with wings, despite Gabrielle's warnings to Aphrodite to pass on to Cupid about baby Bliss being left alone with his bows and arrows, decided to mess with everyone's hearts.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I got to meet Renee O’Connor! ヽ(〃＾▽＾〃)ﾉ
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

By the gods, Gabrielle had always hated Draco before. He was an arrogant, cruel, evil man, and by the _gods_ had Gabrielle always hated him. But never before, even in their previous life, had she gotten as close to killing him as she had when Xena walked up and kissed him.  


It was awkward between them, Xena's guilt clear when, later, she tried to find excuses for what she had done. As she fumbled her way through plans thought of on the spot and half-lies to explain why she had kissed him, flirted with him, made it clear she wanted him; especially when just earlier the same day she had kissed Gabrielle, had flirted with her, had bit back three little words that would finally give meaning to it all. 

Gabrielle knew, of course; she knew it wasn't Xena's fault, but it was almost amusing watching her panic. So Gabrielle let her continue for a few minutes before pointing out that something seemed strange. Everyone around town seemed off, not just Xena, so perhaps it was something going on here? 

Xena accepted the explanation with a look of relief, though it was clear she was still troubled. Though, that troubled look disappeared as she left to go meet up with Draco, to try and tempt him over to their side so he could join the fight for good. Gabrielle could only roll her eyes and try to figure out where Bliss was, calling softly to him as she tried to catch the little flying gremlin and either hand him over to his father or his grandmother, whoever answered her calls first. 

Only to run straight into the arms of some of Draco's men, sent out to try and find the virgins while Draco kept Xena busy. Men who immediately tied her to a stake in the middle of town, only for Joxer to join her shortly after. She had tried to fight them off, but when there were thirty against one, and out of the corner of your eye you spotted one of the women you were there to protect, her Hestian garb only partly hidden by the peasant outfit she had put on? It was better to let yourself be taken than to put innocents in danger. 

Of course, this made looking for Bliss that much harder, but not too much so. Because as Gabrielle stood there and watched Draco storm into the temple, only to furiously run out a few minutes later, followed by Xena, Gabrielle knew Bliss had to be close. Because just like she remembered from her last life, she felt that tiny little pinprick of pain before she was flooded with warmth. A warmth that demanded she turned and look at whoever was closest. A warmth she denied by squeezing her eyes shut, her face scrunched up in concentration as she tried to fight it off. She knew who she was, knew she was in love with Xena, and she refused to let a toddler with a crossbow change her. 

She stood there, still, until she heard Xena's voice, concerned over her lack of movement. Until she felt Xena's touch on her cheek- Gabrielle opened her eyes and stared into Xena's, because if she was going to be put under a love spell, she might as well have it be for someone she already loved. 

Nothing happened. Sure, Gabrielle felt another surge of warmth pass through her, settling into her bones as she met Xena's gaze, but there really wasn't anything else. She still felt the same as she had the day before, as she had six month ago, as she had two years ago, when she had first laid eyes upon Xena for the second first time. There was no difference. 

Whether it was because she was just already in love with Xena or because she was strong enough to fight the effects of the arrow, Gabrielle wasn't sure. But either way, it worked. 

Instead of stumbling around in love with _Joxer_ , of all people, she could continue her search for Bliss and put an end to all of this.

She almost had him a couple of times, almost grabbed him by the heel of his foot or the tips of his wings, but for an infant he was fast, blinking away before she could catch him. Once she even though she had him, had managed to get an arm wrapped around his middle, but then his wings had smacked her in the face, leaving her with a mouthful of feathers as he fluttered away, shooting arrows as he went. She stayed close on his trail, though, careful to keep him in sight as much as she could. 

Until Draco rang that stupid bell, and those idiotic Hestian Virgins decided that answering its call was more important than their own lives. 

It was a quick fight- she was better now than she had been before, even outnumbered as she was. She ducked and swung and fought off the enemies side by side with Xena while Joxer waved the Hestians into the temple. Step by step she and Xena gave ground, trying to reach the safety of the temple themselves, where they could hold up and create a plan. 

Only for Draco to come from the side, his horse barreling right into them, the two of them barely able to jump out of the way as the animal bore down on them. His boot connected with her head, and Gabrielle felt herself land, dazed, the sand harsh on her skin. But only for a moment as Draco's men surrounded Xena, forced her back as Draco himself reached down and pulled Gabrielle onto the horse, taking off with her, taking her back to his tent. 

He proclaimed his love for her the moment she reawoke, expressing sorrow for having to injure her to get her safely away. But the moment he had seen her, fighting his men, decimating his army? He had known that she was the woman for him. And if she would do him the honor, Draco wanted her to marry him. 

Gabrielle tried to put him off, pointing out that she wasn't wife material (he wasn't husband material, they were a match), that she wouldn't do well pregnant (they could always kill a couple of people and take their children instead), even tried to attack him (she almost had him. It'd been a close fight, but even with all of her extra years of training from the other life, her current body was still weaker, smaller, unable to handle what her body in the previous life had been able to. Her mind knew but her physical form just couldn't do it yet. But she'd been close to defeating him, something that only seemed to make him want her more). She had tried to do this without putting anyone in danger, but, finally, as he had her arm twisted behind her, she had to make it clear. 

"I can't marry you because I'm in love with someone else!"

Draco froze at that, his grip loosening ever so slightly. Enough for her to wiggle free from his hold, to put some distance between them, to grab a chair and hold it between them as a makeshift weapon. His head cocked to the side, Draco just stared at her, his hand coming to rest on his sword. 

"Who," he finally asked. "Who do you love? I'll gut him like a fish and present him to you as our wedding feast. Who owns your heart, Gabrielle?"

She didn't have to answer, because at that moment Xena brought a vase down upon his head, sending him to the ground in a heap. 

"Gabrielle, are you alright," Xena asked as she stepped over Draco's body, whispering a quick sorry to him as she crossed the distance between them. Checking her over, making sure she wasn't hurt, Xena pulled her into a quick hug, relief clear within her. "He didn't hurt you, did he? I might love him for some strange reason, but if he hurt you I'll kill him right here and now." There was almost a question to her words, as if Xena was wondering if she _could_ kill the warlord, but Gabrielle just smiled and shook her head. 

"No, I'm fine. You've got perfect timing. Come on, we need to go." 

"Back to the temple," Xena said with a nod, taking Gabrielle's hand and leading her away. "I've got a plan." 

It was the same plan from before- send Joxer as a messenger to Draco's buyer claiming an Amazon Queen was part of the mix, get Draco to betray him, send the Hestians out to a nearby cave system to ensure they would all be safe. It was a perfect plan. 

Only this time, this time Gabrielle had an extra step to do first. She was tired of trying to play babysitter to a godling, and was going to end this now. 

They were lucky- if things went as they first had, they would have at least an hour before Draco came to, a little while longer before both Draco and the buyer arrived, and then, in the mad dash that followed, Cupid would supposedly arrive and fix everything. And Gabrielle wanted Bliss in arm when his father arrived, if just to keep the child from doing any more damage. 

She finally caught him, sitting in the center of a blueberry bush, his lips and fingers and random splotches on his toga purple from the berries he had been munching on. He seemed exhausted too- when he noticed she was there, instead of flying off once again to cause even more harm, he held out his arms to her in the universal childish sign that he wanted to be picked up and almost whimpered, though she couldn't be sure if it was real or not. Gods were strange and tricky, and Gabrielle wouldn't put it past even the small ones to know how to twist mortals to do their bidding. 

But he was so cute, and within just a moment she had him in her arms, cooing softly to him as he rested his head on her chest and yawned. His fingers quickly found the beads that decorated her Amazon top, the slight clinking they made with each movement enough to keep him entertained. 

She managed to get back just in time, just as Xena was yelling at Draco, trying to get him to turn away from his plan. No one seemed to notice the appearance of the small, winged boy she carried, they were all so focused on the scene outside. One of the women did, eventually, making some strange squeak as she turned and caught sight of the feathers adorning his back, but before she could say anything, Xena stepped aside. 

The doors opened and men swarmed the temple, grabbing the virgins and dragging them one by one outside. Outside, where Pinullus and Draco were waiting, watching pleased as the virgins were brought before them. Pleased, until Pinullus asked where the Amazon Queen was. 

Gabrielle didn't struggle when the men got to her; she had a child in her arms, a child all the men stared at in confusion and awe as they surrounded her. She doubted they could hurt Bliss, but she didn't want to press her luck, not if there was a chance he could be. So instead, listening as Draco argued with his buyer, Gabrielle stepped out into the light and presented herself to them. 

There was silence- thick, confused silence as everyone stared at her and Bliss, trying to figure out something to say that would bring to light everything everyone was thinking. It was finally Joxer who spoke, his head cocked to the side as he just stared at her in confusion. 

"Hey Gabby, where did the kid come from? And why does he have wings?" 

"This is my _son_ , Joxer," Gabrielle said, giving him a look that told him to accept whatever she said and shut up. Glancing around, Gabrielle almost laughed at the twin looks of disbelief and anger that crossed Xena and Draco's faces, mixing with the confusion to make a hilarious sight. "I am an Amazon Queen," Gabrielle confirmed for Pinullus, "and this is my son, Bliss, the son of _Cupid_ , God of Love, grandson of _Aphrodite_ , Goddess of Love herself." Gabrielle practically yelled the two god's names as she spoke, hoping her invocation of them would bring their owners to earth so they could fix everything. 

No such luck. But at least Xena seemed to realize what was going on, the look on her face passing to understanding as she spoke. She gave a slight nod, barely noticeable to one not looking for it, and relaxed, her confusion gone. 

"Gabrielle," Draco said, his eyes fixed upon the child in her hands, "you said you weren't mother material. That was clearly a lie. And I don't know why you couldn't just tell me you were in love with Cupid. I'll fight the god himself if that's what it takes to win you!" He pulled his sword and started looking around, glancing up in to the sky, as if expecting the god to appear before him. "Once he's dead, my love, I'll adopt Bliss and we'll be a perfect family." 

"So you _are_ going back on our deal, Draco," Pinullus asked, drawing his own sword. "Then so be it!" 

It was chaos after that- Draco and Pinullus' men fighting each other, she, Xena, and Joxer trying to get the Hestians back into the temple while also taking out people who tried to attack them, trying to fight one handed while also shielding Bliss from anything that might befall him. Realizing it was useless, and she was almost more of a hassle than a help, Gabrielle quickly retreated back into the temple-

And ran right into Cupid himself. 

"Thank Zeus, you found him," Cupid sighed in relief, reaching out and taking the sleepy, slightly sticky baby from her. "We heard you calling, but, well, I was a little bit tied up right then." 

Gabrielle couldn't help but snort. 'Tied up' was probably right, knowing Aphrodite and considering this was her kid. "Can you fix what he messed up," Gabrielle asked, half turning to look at the door as more people began to flood in. The Hestians, she knew, would have already left through the back door, but Xena, Draco, Joxer, Pinullus, and half a dozen others were slowly making their way in, and it would be so much easier if Xena could pummel them all without trying to avoid hurting Draco in the process. 

"Of course," Cupid said, almost looking insulted that she had to ask. "I _am_ the god of love." 

He waited for a few minutes as the fighting died down, Xena quickly taking out the random mooks before showing himself before the rest. Wide eyes and gaped mouths met him as he stepped before Xena and gently booped her on the forehead, sparkles flying from where he had touched her. Shaking her head, Xena stepped back, blinking rapidly as she stared around at the group, only to turn and finally smile as she saw Gabrielle. 

"You dirty _cur,_ " Draco yelled as Cupid tried to get close, slashing at the god of love with his sword. "You _dare_ to touch the woman I love? Well, prepare to lose a hand!" Draco slashed at him again as Cupid jumped back, turning to look at Xena as he did so. 

"Is this guy for real," Cupid asked, taking a few more steps back as he did, his free hand raising protectively overly the sleepy Bliss. "Can I just zap him? Turn him into ash?" He sidestepped another swing. "Something?" 

"Draco," Gabrielle said, stepping forward so she was between him and Cupid, watching his blade quickly fall to his side. "I don't love Cupid, so you can stop attacking him now." 

"Of course," Draco said, twirling his sword before putting it into his scabbard. "Gabrielle, I've decided that I need to become worthy of you. I need to do good, go out and help people." Stepping forward, Draco took her hands between his own, and Gabrielle, remembering where this was going, had to fight hard to not laugh as she cut him off. 

"Draco," Gabrielle said, shaking her head, "the only way you'll ever get me to love you is if you actually do good. No killing innocent old people, no killing their cattle and torching their crops, _only_ good." 

Draco tilted his head on confusion, his mouth opening and closing a couple of times before he finally managed to speak. "How did you know what I was going to say?" 

"It's a gift," Gabrielle said, waving off his question. "Now, if you want to start doing good, you can start by taking down a certain slaver and taking him to jail." 

Pinullus' face turned an interesting shade of green as Draco turned on him, drawing his sword as he lunged. Their weapons clashing, they quickly fled down the stairs of the temple, out into the forest that surrounded the village, both trying to get to their armies before the other to start their little war. 

"Should I...?" 

"No," Xena said, shaking her head at Cupid's question. "Love suites him. Let's just hope it stays that way." 

"Well then," Cupid said, stretching out his free arm and his wings, "if that's everyone, then-" 

"Wait." Everyone turned to stare at Gabrielle as she spoke up, waiting for her to continue. "I was hit too." 

"Who're you in love with, Gabby," Joxer asked, taking off his helmet and scratching his head. "You seem pretty normal." 

"No, she's right," Cupid said, stepping forward and touching her forehead- not a tap that would remove the arrow's effect, but instead just a gentle touch as he read what was going on within her. He whistled lowly, nodding his head. "She's got it bad. For you, warrior babe." 

Xena stiffened at that, and Gabrielle knew what she was doing. Knew she was going back through their last couple of days, of weeks, thinking back through their casual touches and gentle kisses and everything else they had done, wondering if it was real. Wondering if it was true, or just the effect of an arrow that had been shot all that time ago. 

Gabrielle wanted to say something, but she didn't. It wouldn't do any good to say it now, when the effect of the arrow was still on her. So instead she turned to Cupid and nodded, closing her eyes as he tapped her forehead. 

Nothing happened. The overwhelming warmth lifted, but once again not much else changed. Even Cupid seemed to realize it, for he tapped her forehead again a few more times before just touching her, reading what was there and nodding. 

"You were hit," Cupid confirmed- and Gabrielle would have to be deaf to miss the tiny little pained gasp that left Xena, even if no one else heard her. "But only like, three hours ago? Everything else is totally real. You're so in love." He sighed at that, his hand pulling back and resting against his heart. "Makes my eternal heart glad to see something this true, without Mom or I having to interfere." He glanced between Xena and Gabrielle, his smile soft and warm, before shaking his head and stepping back. 

"Gotta go now- Psyche's been freaking out over Bliss being gone, and if I keep her waiting, it'll be my hide she tans. Bye!" 

With that the god of love disappeared, taking his errant child with him, leaving the mortals below to think about the revelations he had dropped upon them.

It was easier this time, in a way. They joked about the mishap with Bliss as they left the city, Joxer bouncing happily between them as he chattered. And this time, when he looked at her, Gabrielle saw nothing. Before it had been clear that Joxer had fallen in love with her, even if it was something Gabrielle herself tried to deny that first time. Responding to the love he thought she felt, he had convinced himself he loved her, despite his feelings for Meg. Now, this time, there was nothing. A fondness, yes, a general friendship she loved, but nothing more. It was the same as meeting Lila's gaze- there was love, yes, but not that kind that would drive her insane. 

As if realizing that they needed to talk (Joxer himself had been thrown by Cupid's proclamation of their love, but had quickly gotten over it), he left them after a couple of hours, claiming a fork in the road would lead him to where Meg was. A bit of a lie- it would, eventually, after a couple weeks wandering through the woods, but Gabrielle and Xena just smiled and waved him off as he left. 

They didn't talk about it, not at first, as was their way- while traveling could be a time for deep conversations, both of them knew they both would be more comfortable talking around a camp fire. When the flickering of flames made faces a little bit hard to read at times, even if the warmth could drive away any chills that might arise from the topic. But, almost hesitantly, Xena reached out and took Gabrielle's hand, and that was enough. 

They made camp by a lake, and quickly fell into their normal routines; Gabrielle set up camp, got the fire hot enough to cook, set out their bedrolls and started some water boiling, all while Xena fished and cleaned what she caught. It was normal, safe, allowing them to steel themselves for the conversation to come. 

"About what Cupid said..." 

Gabrielle paused as Xena spoke, her bite of fish going dry within her mouth. She swallowed thickly before putting her food off to the side- her appetite was gone, at least for now, and Gabrielle doubted it would be back anytime soon. She had been waiting for this for quite some time, giving Xena the room she needed in order to think and realize what she wanted. But now it was time.  

Gabrielle knew her own feelings, and even knowing Xena's from their previous life, her heart was still in her throat as she waited for her to continue, to either confirm or deny what Gabrielle knew.  

"I do, you know," Xena finally continued after a few long moments. She turned so she was facing Gabrielle, her eyes soft and warm as she smiled. "I love you." 

Gabrielle had heard those words a thousand times over, said in all the ways possible, but her breathing still caught at the sound of them. It had been over two years, longer counting the last time Xena had said them in the last life (that time a soft tremble as she faded, her soul finally called to the other side, more painful than soothing in nature), and to hear them now? 

Gabrielle smiled as she leaned forward and kissed Xena, muttering her own "I love you too" when they parted to breathe before the next kiss began. 

The kisses turned into more, sweet pecks turning deeper, any moments of hesitation fading away as they breathed each other in. As they continued to kiss, their hands beginning to roam as they pressed closer, a need, a desire to touch and be touched driving them further. Further until Xena pulled back, her eyes dark as she panted and looked up at Gabrielle- up, because at some point Gabrielle had ended up straddling her lap, her hands in Xena's hair, Xena's on her hips, her thumbs pressing into her skin right above her skirt. 

Gabrielle almost whined as Xena pulled away, as she gently leaned back with a chuckle when Gabrielle tried to lean forward and kiss her again, making it clear she needed a moment. Tilting her head to the side, Gabrielle gently ran her fingers through Xena's hair, clearing out some of the tangles she had just created, repeating the smoothing movement as Xena thought. 

"Are you sure you want me to be your first?"

The question surprised her, and for a moment Gabrielle was confused; Perdicus had been her first, and it wasn't like this wasn't something they had done before. She had lost count of the number of times they had passed the night together, the number of times they had pleased and been pleased, the number of times they had taken each other to that sweet edge and fallen. She had lost count of the number of times Xena's fingers and lips had made her burn. And even after Xena had died, Gabrielle had lost count. Lost count of the number of women she had taken to her bed in the months after Xena died, trying to drown out the pain. Lost count of the mouths she had kissed and the hands that had roamed, the warm bodies that had kept away the nightmares until Caesar created that second world that led to the repeat of this one. So, for a moment, Gabrielle was confused.

Until she remembered. Until she remembered that she hadn't married Perdicus in this life; that, for this lifetime, she was technically untouched.

Gabrielle laughed-at Xena's question, and the absurdity of it all, at the memories of her past life clashing with her new- and kissed Xena again. Kissed her hard, making her want clear within that kiss before pulling back, placing another gentle one on her lips before speaking.

"My first and my only. I love you."

Xena smiled before kissing her once again, lifting Gabrielle with ease into her arms without forcing them to part, carrying her to their bedrolls.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I've been getting quite a bit of writing done, so that means another chapter of Remember All! :D I hope you guys enjoy! Things are finally starting to get really fun!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

It was easy. For a while, Gabrielle could almost forget what was to come- she could almost convince herself that this was all there was. Xena, herself, an occasional village that needed their help as they traveled. Just like it had been in their first lives, a simple existence with the woman she loved. No grand cosmic scheme she had to deny, no fates she had to rewrite- just the two of them and the stars as witnesses to their love.

For a while, Gabrielle could pretend. Pretend that she had done enough, had changed the course of their fates already, that everything to come would be different. But it wasn't. As much as Gabrielle wanted to believe she could change it all, she couldn't. She was just one woman, one single, mortal woman fighting for the woman she loved, and she had no control over the fates. She could only do as best as she could with what she had, and while she could change her own fate, change the fates of a few extra villagers here and there, perhaps even change Xena's fate, she couldn't change them all. Some things were just out of her control.

Xena still went mad. She still found herself persecuted by the Furies, and it _pained_ Gabrielle to watch her like that. To see her stare at her with unknowing eyes, to realize there was nothing she could do to stop this. Even when she stormed off and called Ares-who, surprisingly, showed up- even as she stood there and glared, Gabrielle realized fully there was little she could truly do. At least, for now.

"Hey, don't look at me," Ares said, raising his hands innocently. "It's actually not my fault. The old man's getting impatient. He thought you would convince Xena to settle down somewhere, grow crops on a farm, or even become your personal bodyguard while you became a famous writer. Something to take her out of the game."

They both snorted at that- the idea that anyone, even Gabrielle, could turn Xena from her mission of finding redemption was absurd. At least right now; Gabrielle still, sometimes, had dreams about it. About Xena’s suggestion that they go to Egypt for one last mission and then settle down. It was one of two dreams that left her teary eyed when she awoke in the morning, tears Xena kissed away when she noticed them on her face, making her think it was possible, that one day it could come true. But not for a long while, if at all, and both she and Ares knew it.

It took an Olympian effort to keep from stomping her foot (perhaps the wrong word, since the Olympians seemed to always be having one temper tantrum after another), but Gabrielle still sighed and pursed her lips, her arms crossing before her as she thought.

"And there's nothing you can do to stop him," Gabrielle asked, chewing on her bottom lip in frustration. There hadn't been much for her to change these last few years; no, their greatest trials were to come, trials Gabrielle was sure she could change as she came across them. But everything before had just been. Not good, not bad- it had all just existed within this world, and to try and change too much could have destroyed it all. "I am working on it."

"I know 'Dite's trying to work him," Ares said, rubbing at his beard. "To give you a couple more years before he just zaps Xena with lightning to keep her from killing all the gods."

"Which she only did because you guys tried to kill our daughter." Gabrielle couldn't help the side comment, receiving a blank and curious look from Ares- she forgot, sometimes, that not all of the gods remembered as well as Aphrodite. She waved him on, clearly impatient with the delay. "Can you at least help with this? I know what will work, if you agree to play along."

For a long moment Ares was silent, his head tilted ever so slightly- a tick he and Xena shared, Gabrielle couldn't help but notice. Even though she didn't believe it, it wasn't hard to see how someone could think Xena and Ares were blood. And it was possible they were, even if Ares himself hadn't done the deed- the idea that Cyrene's husband had just appeared, only to disappear and come back a week later, while not impossible, was suspicious. But this was neither the time nor the place to discuss that, and so when Ares just nodded, Gabrielle laid out the plan.

Ares look disgusted, but after a moment he shrugged. "My own parents are siblings, so why not? I'll pretend to possibly be daddy dearest, and we can get Xena off the hook. For now." He disappeared in a poof of smoke, leaving behind the scent of warm iron and copper, and Gabrielle had to fight back a shudder. It was a familiar smell from the wars she had fought, the battles she had won, a scent she had gotten used to during those last few years with Xena the first time. A smell she hoped, this life, she could mainly avoid.

The plan went off well, mainly because Gabrielle did nothing to make sure it would. Xena, ever so clever even with her mind half gone, had figured out the strangeness of her conception on her own, had prompted Ares to grant her an audience with the Furies, and had even beaten him, just like Gabrielle knew she would. Angered at being used, the Furies had lifted their curse, freeing her, before disappearing to find and scream at Zeus.

Ares left with them- this time without some jab at Xena's affections for her, but instead with just a nod, a small form of recognition Gabrielle returned. They were comrades in keeping Xena alive while Gabrielle worked to change the future, and while they would never be friends, they would always be able to agree about Xena. When Xena had questioned why he had gone along with what she had said, only denying Xena's claims in an almost playful manner, Ares just shrugged.

"I know you're not mine," Ares said, his hand resting on his sword. "I've got hundreds of kids, and believe me- I know mine when I see them. But I do hold some bit of affection for you; watching the Furies destroy you would just be a waste. And I hate being wasteful."

He left after that, disappearing with the same sickening after smell as before, leaving her, Xena, and Cyrene to leave the temple in confusion as they considered the strangeness of the day.

"Do you think your father could be an Olympian," Gabrielle asked later that evening, after Cyrene had gone to sleep for the night; they had gone back to the tavern, Cyrene insisting on them not leaving without a good night's rest and some food first. "Maybe not Ares," Gabrielle clarified, "but one of them?"

Part of her wanted to withdraw the question even as she said it. Neither of them had broached the topic their first life, the idea too strange to comprehend, but this time? This time Gabrielle was a bit too curious, and it did line up. Xena’s skills, her ability to overcome death itself, keeping up and even beating Ares- it all begged the question that, this time, she had to ask.

Xena just shrugged, never taking her gaze from the flames dancing in the fire pit. When she gave no answer, Gabrielle just gave her a kiss on the cheek and went to bed, knowing she'd get nothing more from her warrior that night.

She didn't get an answer for three days. She'd learned to avoid the topic, both she and Cyrene had; Xena grew scarily quiet each time it was brought up, and determined to put this all behind them, they instead turned their attentions towards where she and Xena were going to next. For another day they stayed with Cyrene, a proper visit, before leaving.

It was the day after they had left that Xena finally just gave a little shrug while riding Argo. Her comment out of the blue, breaking a peaceful silence without context, though Gabrielle understood.

"I don't know. But does it matter?"

All Gabrielle could do was reach up and pat Xena's thigh, shaking her head.

"Not at all."

That seemed to release some of the tension Xena had been holding within her, though her smile was still strained when she glanced down at Gabrielle. A strain that, slowly, disappeared, though Gabrielle knew she still thought, was still curious, still wanted to know about the parentage that had been called into question.

For that Gabrielle actually had no answer, despite all she knew of everything to come, and so had to leave her to her thoughts.

Gabrielle kept close watch of the days, almost paranoid of the date that she honestly didn't know. Few peasants were learned enough to keep track of the exact days they lived, only aware of the changing of the seasons when they were too obvious to deny. Only the scholars and the priests seemed to care, in truth, of marking the exact day of the year that had passed. The former out of scholarly interest, and the latter just to make sure their offerings didn't go lacking.

But they were her lifeline, and even Xena had to make mention of her constant visits to schools and temples whenever they were near a city large enough to host them.

"Thinking of leaving me to join one of them," Xena teased lightly one night, her fingers trailing up and down her arm as they laid waiting for sleep.

"Never," was Gabrielle's immediate answer, and even though it had been said in jest, Xena couldn't help the almost relieved smile as she leaned forward and kissed Gabrielle, her answer exactly what the other woman had wanted to hear.

There was a reason for her attendance, though Gabrielle couldn't bring herself to say it. Even though the warning would do perfectly to fix what she knew was coming, Gabrielle couldn't. She couldn't even pull out the scroll that held the story and hand it over to Xena to read, because to do so would make things real. 

At the moment she could pretend to deny the existence of Hope, of Solan's fate, of everything in the future to come that would take these tender, loving moments and destroy them. Right now she could pretend it didn't, wouldn't, happen, so long as she knew the date.

So with almost an obsessive compulsion, she visited every single temple and school she could find when they arrived within a town, checking and double checking and triple checking the day of the year they were living in. She kept track on the road, slowly counting down to the fate awaiting them.

And when the day came that they were supposed to meet Krafstar, Gabrielle made sure they never would.

It wasn't hard to pretend to be ill- all she had to do was remember their past lives, the first time they had lived through these events, and her stomach rolled. Rolled as she actively thought about the blood on her hands, of Hope growing within her, of Solan's body turning to ash on a pyre because of her. Painfully clenched as she thought of Xena's hatred towards her, of the way Hope had twisted so many minds into serving her, of the heat of the lava as they both fell. Twisted within her as she watched Hope and the Destroyer- her monster of a grandson who had wanted nothing more than a hug from his mother- fall.

Xena found her kneeling in the bushes, their breakfast puddled before her, her body shaking as she fought to breathe through the sobbing cough that had caught her. Deciding that it was some sort of bug (a diagnosis Gabrielle agreed with when she could finally speak, because to deny it would mean she would have to tell Xena what really sent her stomach turning within her), Xena carefully helped her to her feet and led her to the stream. Once she was clean, her sick washed from her hair and her splattered clothing cleaned and drying on a rock in the sun, Gabrielle returned to their bedroll, still shaking as the weight of the memories pressed in upon her.

It was only after Xena slid in next to her, a comforting presence as she softly sang and used a wet clothe to wipe the sweat from Gabrielle's forehead that she slipped off to sleep. A restless one, full of the half formed nightmares that threatened to destroy everything she worked for, but still sleep none the less.

They stayed in that clearing for two more days, even after Gabrielle protested that she was fine. She had just eaten the wrong thing, whatever had made her sick had passed, and Gabrielle was more than ready to go.

A true statement, because with their delay, she was free. Krafstar and the Romans who held him would have long since passed them, dragging that vile man towards whatever fate the Romans had for him- whatever it was they had in mind, it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough to make up for the pain he had caused her, had caused them, for the evil he had helped enter the world. But it was enough that he wouldn't be able to cause them any harm, not this time. Not in this life.

In this life, Gabrielle was free. Free of the sins that had tried so hard to destroy her in their last life, a weight lifted that Xena couldn't help but comment on.

Gabrielle just laughed, laughed and smiled up at Xena as they continued on their way.

That laughter soon died, though, as Gabrielle thought. Thought through the events that had determined their lives the last time, now for sure just a memory. Without Xena arriving in Brittania, Caesar's men would continue to hold the temple, making it impossible for Dahok's worshipers to complete their ceremony. But without her, Bodecia was sure to fall. Maybe not right away, maybe not for quite a while, but eventually, she would fail.

By keeping Xena here, Gabrielle was sealing her fate.

And there was another Gabrielle had to keep in mind, now that she was changing the tilt of the world. Another life she held in her hands, another life that could be spared if she revealed to Xena her knowledge of the world to come. It would mean a long journey, a great deal of time to come that would change things more than she ever could have imagined doing so.

So Gabrielle told just as much as she needed, and left it up to Xena. Left it to Xena with a simple question, one that froze the warrior halfway through her chore of building the fire, making sure the flames would stay hot long enough through the night for them to use the coals the next morning for their breakfasts. She said those four words, her head tilted to the side, and waited for Xena to answer.

"Bodecia or Lao Ma?"

For a long while Xena just knelt there, the twigs slowly falling from her suddenly limp hand as Xena processed what Gabrielle had just said. And even when it became clear from Xena's face that she had heard and understood, still she remained still, her eyes never leaving the flames before them.

So Gabrielle asked again.

"Lao Ma or Bodecia?"

"I want to ask how you know those names," Xena finally said with a sigh, shaking her head as she continued to throw sticks onto the fire- not in the practiced manner she normally did, but this time haphazardly, her mind clearly far away from her task. "But let me guess," she continued. "Your dreams?" When Gabrielle nodded, Xena quickly finished the task before coming to sit next to her, leaning against Gabrielle's side.

She relaxed ever so slightly when Gabrielle leaned into her, her arm wrapping around Gabrielle's shoulder while her own embraced Xena's waist, holding her close.

"Did they tell you what those two mean to me?"

"Dream you explained," Gabrielle said with a small nod. "About Bodecia's army, about Borias...about the Green Dragon." Xena shuddered at that, her face twisting for just a moment at the reminder of her less pleasant memories. But when she said nothing more, Gabrielle continued, explaining her question before asking it once again.

"They're both in danger, Xena, and you can only save one. Caesar threatens to destroy Bodecia's forces, and the Green Dragon threatens to grow too large against Lao Ma. Who will you choose?"

Xena gave no verbal answer, instead just pulling Gabrielle into a kiss good night before laying down to sleep, her arm held out in an open invitation for Gabrielle to join her. She did, sleep coming upon them quickly.

And the next morning, Xena turned them towards the rising sun and set them off towards Chin.

She talked as they traveled, telling the story of Lao Ma and what she had done for her. Even though Gabrielle knew the tale, almost well enough to tell it herself-something Xena knew, when Gabrielle accidentally asked about someone Xena had yet to mention, resulting in Xena just giving her a wiry grin before continuing- it seemed to soothe her. Seemed to calm whatever guilt Xena felt for choosing Lao Ma over Bodecia, this explaining of what they both meant.

Bodecia had been a friend Xena had betrayed, that she had a lot to make up for. And they would- Xena had made it clear that, after Chin, they were heading to Britannia, to do whatever they could to help her. But Lao Ma had saved her, had placed Xena so far into her debt that Xena doubted she would ever be able to repay it in full. But she had to try, and so had easily chosen one woman over the other.

It was easy this time. When Xena suggested that Gabrielle leave, that she head to the Amazons while Xena continued on alone, Gabrielle had refused. She knew this time how things had to go, knew the path they had to walk, and so chose to walk it besides Xena, this time, instead of standing in her way.

This time already ahead of the game, they arrived at Lao Ma's city just as her messenger was set to leave, his pockets heavy with coin and the message he had for Xena. Recognizing him, his face burned into her mind from the last time they had lived their lives, Gabrielle pointed him out, and Xena caught him before he could leave.

Caught him and dragged him into their room at the inn, giving them the best news he could.

Lao Ma still lived, at least for now, and for now there was time to save her. But not much.

They bid their time, careful to learn everything they could in the short amount of time they had to do so. It wasn't hard- they so easily stood out in the crowd, Gabrielle especially, and the quick persona of a traveler just curious about the local standings made people easy. Easy to talk to- a mix of the local's broken Greek and Xena's broken Chinese allowing an interesting but steady line of communication, everyone on both sides willing to speak and be understood. Easy to get information out of- locals, no matter where they lived, were always excited to show off what they knew to those who knew not. From rumors to well known facts, the citizens who spoke to Xena were eager to share, almost bragging about their knowledge. Easy to get supplies from- unwilling to offend, no one questioned their strange purchases, in case they were for some foreign ritual no one present knew about.

The people within the city were helpful, some even accommodating, and thus they laid their plans.

It was easy to find out about Lao Ma- she was beloved amongst her people, and many were upset about her supposed claim of treason. It was simple to find out where she was to be executed- in the same place as all the political executions took place, in a part of the palace that a semi-drunk servant was more than willing to tell them all about. It was effortless to get a date, that piece of information almost plastered to every doorway to ward off those who would ever think to try and stand up against the Emperor again.

Sneaking into the castle through the servant's entrance, the two of them wrapped in dark cloaks and their faces shaded to hide better with the shadows, it was easy to find the room the servant had described and conceal themselves the night before, ready to wait for the execution to begin.

What was hard was standing still as the doors opened and politicians filled the room. It was hard to stand there as Ming T'ien passed, almost close enough for them to kill if they rushed him, more than close enough for Xena to take out with her chakram. And it was hard when Lao Ma, her head held high and everything about her ready to meet her end, entered the room.

They waited, ever so still, as Ming T'ien explained her crimes and proclaimed her guilty. They waited, ever so still, as Lao Ma was laid upon the executioner's block, her feet and wrists bound to keep her still. They waited as Ming T'ien himself stepped forward and took the weapon that would end his own mother, an almost smile on his face as he raised it above his head.

They struck before he could let it fall, the chakram splitting through the thick wooden pole so the ax head fell behind him, the unexpected shift in weight sending him to the floor. They struck as guards and politicians tripped over each other, none of them about to find where the attack had come from and none willing to wait for another to strike. They struck as Ming T'ien tried to rise, only to find himself with Xena's sword at his throat as Gabrielle released Lao Ma from her chains.

Everyone paused as Xena turned to look at Lao Ma, silently asking permission to do what needed to be done. To end the suffering of her kingdom, to free the people from the monstrosity that had come from her. To make the Green Dragon small once more.

Unable to say yes, unable to say no- because he was a monster, that was clear now. He was of her flesh, of her blood, but not of her soul, any goodness she might have been able to impart to him long since gone in the years after his birth. But he was her son, her beast of a son, and she couldn’t say yes. So Lao Ma just turned and walked away, only pausing when she heard the slick _squish_ of weapon meeting flesh, and the dull _thud_ of Ming T'ien's body hitting the floor. She didn't speak, only motioned for those who wished to to follow her, and she left to go back home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ahh, yes. We're really getting into the meat of things now. Season 3 is def where the most changes can happen, so it's fun to finally be getting into that. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Lao Ma barely said a word to them during the three day journey it took for them to reach her home. Not that Xena seemed to mind- she understood the silence, and so was comfortable existing within it. And if Xena didn't mind, neither did Gabrielle, though she had a thousand questions burning within her. This was all new, all so different from the last time she had lived through her visit to Chin, and Gabrielle wanted to know everything she could. 

But instead she took the time to study Lao Ma, to really meet the woman who had saved Xena, all those years ago. 

She was beautiful. Xena had said she was, had said that Lao Ma was beautiful both physically and mentally, with a strength of spirit few others could match. But Xena had never been good with details in her stories; no, that was something she left for Gabrielle to worry about. So with no frame of reference, Lao Ma had always just been this blur in Gabrielle's mind, only the vaguest of an impression of features available for her to draw upon. 

She was beautiful, and Gabrielle could see why Xena had been so drawn to her. Gabrielle often teased Xena about her weakness for pretty faces, but Lao Ma was also so much more. There was a power about her, a peace, just everything about her was a perfect draw for the woman Xena had once been. 

Even now, Gabrielle could see Xena's love for Lao Ma; Xena could school her face, but her eyes still gave everything away. And yet Gabrielle felt no jealousy, nothing like that had consumed her the last time they had lived these lives. There was no hate, no anger, nothing like that for the woman they had just saved from death. 

Instead she was grateful, because without her, Xena never would have made it to today. 

So Gabrielle spent those three days studying Lao Ma, just as she was sure Lao Ma was studying her, and when they finally reached Lao Ma's home, when they were safely within Lao Ma's gates, she finally spoke. 

"Xena," Lao Ma said with a small smile, turning to take the warrior's hands. She leaned forward and placed a quick, friendly kiss against Xena's cheek, giving her hands a squeeze before stepping back and letting go. "It's good to see you again, my warrior princess. Please, introduce me to your wife." 

Xena flushed at that, her eyes wide as she stared between Gabrielle and Lao Ma, trying to find the words to say that would fix the misunderstanding. All while Gabrielle bit back a laugh and stepped forward, her own hand out to shake Lao Ma's, introducing herself. 

Lao Ma, clearly struggling to hide her own amusement at Xena's response, took Gabrielle's hand and bowed, a movement Gabrielle quickly mirrored. "It is good to meet you, Gabrielle. I would like to speak to you, when we have some time. For now, come. The road has been long and made us all weary. Baths are in order, as is some food and rest before we talk of complicated matters at hand."

They went their separate ways, Gabrielle and Xena led to private rooms that matched and went beyond many of the castles Gabrielle had seen, so splendidly were they decorated. Servants brought them clothes, taking their well-worn outfits to be cleaned while they themselves enjoyed the baths, refreshingly warm water easing the tension in their muscles and relaxing them from their travels. 

Though Xena quickly sent away the servants, needing a moment to be alone with just Gabrielle. 

"Have you had any other dreams?" 

Gabrielle sighed as she turned away from Xena, leaning her head back to wash out the suds from her hair. She almost started at the touch, but quickly sank into the feeling of Xena's fingers running through her locks, carefully parting any tangles she came across, rinsing each strand so it was clean once more. That done, Xena wrapped her arms around Gabrielle's waist and pulled her close so her back was pressed against Xena’s front, resting her chin on Gabrielle's shoulder while she thought. 

Part of Gabrielle wanted to come clean- the biggest challenges that had faced them their last lives were gone. There was no way Hope could ever exist, no way Ming T'ien could haunt them with his death common knowledge between them; Callisto, as far as Gabrielle knew, was still stuck within the hole Hercules had left her in, with no chance of wreaking havoc upon them. What would change if Xena knew the truth? 

Still she held her tongue and just shook her head. "No, not for a while. But things are very different from how they once were." 

Xena accepted it at that, placing a quick kiss to Gabrielle's shoulder before moving away, rinsing herself clean so they could leave for the banquet sure to come. Already clothes had been laid out for them, soft dresses that were almost too fine to be worn folded on a bench nearby. Helping Gabrielle from the tub, Xena handed her a towel before drying herself, taking a few moments to pull her hair back into a simple braid to keep it from her face before doing Gabrielle's hair as well.

Dressed and ready, it wasn't long before a servant returned, her eyes partly on the ground to preserve their modesty as she asked if they were ready, raising them to meet their own when it became clear they were decent, small gestures requesting they follow after her to meet with Lao Ma. 

The garden was splendid, sprawling with flowers and trees and stone benches for them to sit on when their desire to just gaze in wonder at the world around them outweighed their desire to explore. It was through here that the servant led them, walking through the plant maze as easily as she had the straight corridors of the house just moments before. Through the twists and turns until Gabrielle was thoroughly lost, ending when they finally reached the edge of a small pond, gold and white and black fish flitting through its depths. 

Lao Ma was sitting at its edge, her eyes fixed upon the fish before her. Leaning forward, she gently rested the tips of her fingers against the surface of the water, a small smile on her lips as the fish tried to nibble at food that didn't exist. She didn't acknowledge them, not until Gabrielle and Xena had settled themselves onto the stone next to her, comfortable in the late afternoon's sun. 

It was only then that she withdrew her hand and spoke. 

"Tell me, Xena- when did your path finally turn? And when did you come to join her, Gabrielle?"

They spent a long time talking, reliving their memories, both shared and separate- Xena's encounters with Iolaus and Hercules, their meeting when Draco had tried to enslave Gabrielle's people, the many adventures they had gone on that Lao Ma hadn't asked for but seemed to want anyway. They played off of each other, Gabrielle bearing the brunt of the stories with Xena filling in some detail here or there, occasionally falling into little squabbles about something small neither could entirely remember but both believed to be different yet right. It was comfortable, Lao Ma enjoying their stories with an interruption here or there, a question or two neither had thought to answer in the original narrative, but for the most part she was silent, taking in their story with a smile on her face as they talked. 

It was close to dusk when she finally raised her hand, a simple signal for them to pause. And Xena did, despite being halfway through her sentence explaining the time loop she had been caught in; her voice trailed off and she waited to see what Lao Ma would say, almost eager to please her former mentor. 

"Would you go check on the house, Xena," Lao Ma asked quietly, glancing in the direction of where it should be. "Dinner should be ready soon, if my track of time is correct. Will you check?" 

Xena was on her feet within a moment, already heading off towards where Lao Ma had looked to find the house and check on their progress. It didn't seem to matter that Xena had seemed just as lost as Gabrielle had when the servant had led them out to see Lao Ma- she set off nonetheless, leaving Gabrielle with a smiling Lao Ma as she turned back to look at her. 

"Your mission to change this world's been going well, I see." 

Gabrielle was stunned- how did she know? How could she have guessed? The only other people besides herself who even knew the world was on its second life were the gods, and they only knew because the Fates themselves had told the others. Xena had told Gabrielle about Lao Ma's great powers, but never had Gabrielle thought they could extend so far. 

"Xena has told you how I can read people and the world around me, correct," Lao Ma asked, her voice gentle as she spoke- it was clear she had seen Gabrielle's unease with the revelation that Lao Ma knew, and so was trying to soothe over the ruffled feathers she had caused. "I can sense the overlap within you; you're so much older than you appear, know so much more than you show, have lived through this life once before. It creates an overlapping pattern in yourself, a dual consciousness that you're living with. And you've already made so many changes, they no longer match up. Not entirely, though your love for Xena is clear, no matter which life you're in." 

Gabrielle smiled at that, nodding her head in response. Lao Ma truly was a great woman, just like Xena had said, perhaps even more than Xena had realized. 

"I couldn't live without her," Gabrielle admitted, her hands raising themselves in an almost apologetic manner, though there was no apology within Gabrielle's voice. "When the world reset, after I burned the Fate's loom... I had to change the world, so she could stay alive." 

"You've done well so far," Lao Ma agreed, her gaze flicking from Gabrielle's eyes to her chest- to her heart, Gabrielle realized, for Lao Ma's gaze, while sharp and clear, was clearly seeing something Gabrielle couldn't even begin to understand. Something beyond her scope of sight. "I can sense the great pain you two had inflicted upon each other in the last life, pain you've diverted in this one. This will have great consequences on the world."

"Hope will never exist, and Solan will live." Gabrielle had to take a deep breath as she said those words, the lightness that single simple sentence brought almost painful. She had been living with that guilt for so long, to finally be free of it? It almost hurt, feeling so light. 

"Positive changes, yes," Lao Ma agreed, nodding her head, reaching out to take Gabrielle's hand, "but many negative ones as well. The battle is not yet won, and won't be until Xena survives Japa." 

Gabrielle shuddered at that name, everything within her rebelling against the place where she had lost Xena. Had lost her for good, her body leaving in an urn, her soul barely able to stay present within the world- Japa was nothing more than a place of pain, and to hear it now, after a victory? It was almost a slap in the face, and Gabrielle couldn't help but glare at Lao Ma and pull away from her touch. 

"I can see my words have upset you," Lao Ma said, her voice once again softening into a gentle tone. As if Gabrielle was some frightened animal, needing gentle encouragement to keep from biting the hand that would save it. "That is not my intention. Instead I say them to warn you- there are many things within Xena's past that she will have to make up for, things I have heard from rumors surrounding her this last decade. Callisto, the northern Amazons, the Vikings she wronged, and Japa. These are the sins that weight heaviest on Xena, the demons she will need to face directly if she ever wishes to be free of them. Everything else..." Lao Ma gave a little shrug. "Everything else, Xena will have to find forgiveness through her work with others, saving those she can to make up for the ones she took in the past. But those that weigh the heaviest must be dealt with. Meaning once more, you'll find yourself upon Japa." 

"This time I know what to expect," Gabrielle pointed out, shaking her head as she ran through everything Lao Ma had just said. "I can still change things, even if we do have to go there. I can make sure she lives." 

"I do not doubt that you will, little one," Lao Ma said, once again reaching out to take Gabrielle's hand. This time she didn't pull away. "I have faith that you will be able to fix this world, so the outcome is better for you both. But your journey is still long, with much you need to do. Do not give up hope- it will do you well in the years to come. And do not forget about your own regrets- I can sense they are many, and to allow them to weigh upon you will only jeopardize your goal." 

Gabrielle, a thousand words jumbling together on her tongue as she tried to work out what she wanted to say, opened her mouth- and fell silent as Xena rounded the corner, surprise on her face as she saw them. 

"Lao Ma," Xena almost growled, walking over so she was by them once again, "this is no garden you have here. It's a labyrinth." 

"Only to those unaware of its secrets," Lao Ma said, smoothly rising to her feet. She waited as Xena helped Gabrielle to her own before motioning for them to follow, her feet sure of the path as she kept her head turned to look at them as she talked. "Come, and I will teach them to you as we head towards dinner." 

"What did you talk about," Xena asked curiously, her hand taking Gabrielle's as they walked after Lao Ma. "Anything interesting?" 

"Just you," Gabrielle replied, gently bumping Xena with her hip, "so something utterly fascinating." 

Xena just laughed as they continued after Lao Ma, keeping close behind so they wouldn't get lost in her maze of a garden. 

The room they ate in was small, cozy, servants milling around to serve them the delicious meals the cooks had created- too much food for just the three of them, a celebration feast to have their Queen back, all of it new and exciting for them to eat. They talked about little things: more stories from Xena and Gabrielle's travels, information about the food they were eating, the affairs of the state in Chin now that Ming T'ien, the last heir to the T'ien dynasty, was gone. 

"The Lao family will graciously step forward to take control," Lao Ma said with a simple shrug. "My husband will be furious at me having been taken, and I doubt the lords, without their Emperor to give them weight, will try to oppose him. Within a year, two tops, Chin shall be whole." 

There was a promise to her words, an edge that made Gabrielle sure, without a single doubt, that Lao Ma would complete that goal. It was almost terrifying, in a way, but it fit. _Nothing is as soft as water. Yet who can withstand the raging flood?_ , indeed. It fit Lao Ma, fit her perfectly, and Gabrielle was just glad that they were on the safe side of the river. 

Soon, one by one, the servants began to vanish. Some to take care of other chores, released by Lao Ma to do so. Others to take the rest of the food back to the kitchen and hand it out to the staff, everyone eating well tonight. Others still just to their rest- it had been a long few weeks, ever since Ming T'ien had demanded her presence and taken her hostage, what with Lao Tzu still so sick and unable to lead them. Stress had been high, but now that she had returned, things were simple and peaceful once more. But still her people had been stressed, and so she sent them to sleep. 

It was only once they were alone that she spoke, finally asking the question that had been weighing on her mind. 

"How did you know to come?" 

For a brief moment, Gabrielle and Lao Ma's eyes met- Lao Ma knew how they had known, knew Gabrielle had been the one to turn Xena towards Chin, but she wanted to know what Xena knew. What Xena's perception of the world was, what her understanding of Gabrielle's knowledge included. It was asked not to betray, but out of simple curiosity. 

"Life is interesting when you're in love with an oracle," Xena replied, smiling as she glanced at Gabrielle. For Gabrielle's part, she just flushed at Xena's open admittance of her feelings, words she normally kept close to her heart for when they were alone. "She told me you were in danger, so we came." 

"Something I will be forever grateful for," Lao Ma said, nodding her thanks towards Gabrielle. "Where will you head towards next?" There was no pretense that they were going to stay more than the night, a few at most- there never had been, not truly. As if it was clear they also had somewhere else to be, someplace else they had to go, Lao Ma didn't waste their time by trying to convince them to stay. 

"To Brittania." 

Even as Xena spoke, Gabrielle had to repress a shudder- a shudder Xena felt, casting her a concerned glance. When Gabrielle just shrugged, forcing a smile to put Xena off her guard, Xena just pursed her lips ever so slightly before turning back towards Lao Ma. It only took a moment to explain- Caesar's involvement, the betrayal she had to make up for Bodecia, the task that laid before them. Lao Ma nodded with each word Xena said, her eyes closing after a minute as she just listened. 

"I can have a ship prepared that will get you there quickly," Lao Ma offered when Xena fell silent. "The least I can do for you saving me, and helping to set Chin on a worthy path." 

It took two more days for the ship to be prepared, a small, narrow thing with giant sails, looking more like a knife than a boat. It would have to stay close to the shore, but the captain assured them they would get to the country soon enough. 

They said their goodbyes. It was almost hard to leave- there was something about Lao Ma that offered safety, stability, a chance to actually rest without having to look over their shoulders every few minutes. And she could use their help, help they could actually offer in creating a new, mighty Chin. They could do some real good here, far from the gods that were always watching. 

But their debts were still high, still too high for them to be able to rest, and so they said their goodbyes, promised to visit when it was all over (phrasing that had Xena raising her eyebrow, just looking between Gabrielle and Lao Ma for an answer that was not to come), and boarded the ship with a couple dozen warriors that had agreed to join them when they had heard of the Roman's advance. 

All headed to Brittania.

Gabrielle was almost glad the seas were rough, tossing the boat side to side with every passing wave. She was almost glad, because whenever Xena cast her that worried look, Gabrielle could shrug and nod at the waves, using them as her excuse for emptying her stomach instead of revealing the real reason why. Why every day they got closer to Brittania just seemed to make her sicker, disrupting her sleep, leaving her with no appetite to eat, sending her shaking when otherwise she should have been fine. 

It was the island, that gods be damned island, and Gabrielle wanted nothing to do with it. She wanted to watch it burn, wanted to stand and laugh as fire consumed its surface, destroying everything upon it. She wanted to walk up to Dahok’s temple and tear it apart stone by stone with her own two hands, until nothing was left but rubble. 

Xena, as if finally realizing it wasn’t, in fact, sea sickness that had laid Gabrielle low, gently drew her close as the boat sailed towards port, careful not to put pressure on her stomach. It’d been a day since Gabrielle had last painted the side of the boat (because it’d been almost four since she’d tried to eat anything thicker than a thin broth), but neither of them wanted to risk it. Even as Xena began to probe for information. 

“A vision?” Her voice was soft, her lips pressed against Gabrielle’s forehead- as if she was muttering comforting nothings instead of semi-demanding questions. “Is that what made you sick- something about the future?” 

“One that we’ve already changed,” Gabrielle answered honestly, leaning into Xena’s touch. Because they had- by detouring to Chin, saving Lao Ma, leaving Boadicea to deal with Caesar herself- they had already set down a new path. One that still had many hardships ahead of them, yes, that was without a doubt. But the sheer agony they had lived that first time? 

This time, no. Gabrielle was determined to make it so. This time, she wouldn’t be so easily misled, so easily lied to, so easily played to become a victim. This time, she knew. 

But that knowledge, the knowledge that things would be different, still didn’t make it any easier to face what had already happened and what was to come.  


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: *Singing* ~We’re gonna change the world, you’ll be amazed, so full of praise, when we’ve rearranged your world!~ Let’s continue on this wild ride- I’ve got some amazing ideas for future chapters, and to get there we must continue on with the show! Also, to the people who ask: Bad ass Gabs will appear soon, I promise. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Stepping off the boat was the hardest thing she ever had to do, second only to accepting Xena’s wish and not pouring her ashes into the water. She stood for how long she didn’t know, just staring at the gangplank; watching as the crew and the men who had come with them disembarked, unloaded the supplies they had brought with them, got prepared to set out and go. She just stood there and watched, unable to force herself to move, to set foot back on the land that had once hurt her so.  


It wasn’t until Xena held out her hand, a soft smile- confused, because there was no way Xena could understand what had happened, what was keeping her frozen on the only spot safe for her at the moment, but still encouraging despite her lack of understanding- that Gabrielle found she could move. Found that she could take that single step forward, could take Xena’s hand, and could step onto the gangplank, onto the soil below. 

It was beautiful. As much as the island had pained her, as much as she despised its existence, Gabrielle couldn’t deny its beauty. Perhaps the one thing it had going for it, in truth. But it helped, that little bit, just enough. It helped to keep her mind strong, to keep it from wandering down those dangerous paths, helped to keep her grounded in the present. So she stared into the forests, at the rolling hills, and let herself be swept away by the sight of it all. 

Better that then the memories, the remembrance of fire and Hope that still killed her a little bit inside every time she thought of them. 

It took them a while to find her- the countryside was crawling with Romans, legions celebrating what was to them a sure win. Boadicea had led her army well, but without Xena’s instinctual knowledge of what Caesar was like? She had been destroyed slowly, her army whittled down battle after battle, her forces growing weaker without any support coming in. Not that she had made it easy for the Roman bastards to win, no; she had no support, while it had taken them half a year to get her to this point, and more legions than Caesar probably had justification for. For every Brittianic life lost, at least a dozen Romans had lost their own, until the final battle when Boadicea’s forces had been shattered. 

Supposedly, at least. Because her body had never been found, nor had those of her closest generals, and so many still believed them out there. And even if there was no proof, well… if a Roman supply train suddenly found every single axel on their wagons breaking while on smooth roads, or if entire garrisons found themselves falling incredibly ill from befouled water supplies, or if all the bows of entire archery brigade started to snap in half, rendering them useless? More often than not, it was Boadicea’s name whispered, credit given to her whether she was dead or alive. Because either way, whether it was in the flesh or as a spirit trapped by the intrusion of invaders upon her homeland, she was still fighting. 

It was, of course, in the flesh, as Gabrielle and Xena eventually found out. In the flesh, with quite a large handful of men still in her service, all with very sharp swords pointed right towards their necks. 

For a long moment no one said anything- Xena had ordered the warriors that had accompanied them from Chin to stand down, preventing a fight since Boadicea’s men had stayed their hands as well. It was a long, tense moment of silence, both sides staring, judging, trying to size each other up to determine whether or not the momentary truce would hold. All ready to kill if need be, neither side willing to be the one to make the first move that could end in their deaths if it all went wrong. 

She laughed. Pushing back the hood of her cloak, Boadicea laughed as she took in the sight before her, staring at Xena and the small army she had brought to her shores. Not a kind laugh, nor one that even seemed amused- but one half mad, given by someone forced beyond the brink of exhaustion finally seeing a light when it was almost too late. 

“About damn time you showed up,” Boadicea said when her laughter had subsided, wiping at her eyes. “I thought news of Caesar would have brought you here a long time ago.” 

“I’m here now,” Xena said, stepping forward with one hand out. Her voce and demeanor were calm, casual- instantly betraying how nervous, how worried she was. Even as she approached Boadicea, Gabrielle could see the miniscule movements of her checking everyone else out, making sure she knew exactly where the enemies and her friends were at all time, adjusting her position ever so slightly so she was in line with Gabrielle. Perfectly placed in case things went wrong with her attempt to bridge the gap between her and her once friend. “Still up for a fight?” 

Boadicea considered her for a long moment, mistrust clear within her gaze. A common sight when it came to people who knew Xena from her past, people Xena had turned against, had wronged, had forced into a life or death situation where the only winner was Xena. And the longer she stared, considering her options, the more tense things became- soldiers shifting, muttering between themselves under their breaths, all of them waiting for a battle that would break this strange stalemate. 

Even Gabrielle felt herself stiffening, her hands wrapping tighter around the staff, staring down the people standing across from her- taking stock. One leaned too far to the right for it to just be tired feet, so an injury. Another was clearly left handed but fighting with her right, so as to not hurt her companions; someone easily disarmed. Another’s helm strap was beginning to fray at the edge: a quick jerk of her staff against the edge of his helm would break it, leaving him defenseless to an attack, allowing her to smash the side of his skull with her weapon. Another-

Boadicea spat off to the side, her distaste for the situation clear. But still she stepped forward and took Xena’s hand, grunting as she stepped away for them to all follow. 

They were in the caves. Vast caverns Gabrielle never would have believed could have existed in the perpetually damp climate- they should have been filled with mud and muck after the latest storm. But somehow they had held, and Boadicea's men had spent their time expanding. While she couldn't be sure, as they entered the darkness, one of the men who had come with them from Chin uttered the question they all were wondering. 

"How far do these exist?" 

"Across the entire island," one of Boadicea's men answered, his voice kept low- they were exposing a hidden entrance, and most of the men were on guard, staring out into the distance as best as they could with trees blocking their lines of sight, searching for Caesar's men. "And more." 

Part of her knew it had to be an exaggeration- she knew well enough how much of the country was marsh, land that would collapse the moment it had the room to do so. But as the torches lit up the cavern, Gabrielle could believe it. 

It was a city, or as close to one as they could get. Tents filled every corner, set up in every bit of free space they could find. Poles held up the ceiling, dug into the dirt to give some sort of sense of safety. Torches had been sunk into the walls, their flickering light doing little to alleviate the darkness, made even worse by the shadows of Boadicea's army as they scurried through the dark, their shadows a twisted dance upon the walls.  

Her grip on her staff tightening, Gabrielle moved so she was almost pressed against Xena, making sure they were constantly close, something of them always touching. This dark, this crowded, it would be easy to get lost from each other, falling victim to the maze Boadicea was leading them through. This dark, this crowded, it would be easy for a blade to find its way home into someone who couldn't quite yet see. 

The tent they finally stopped before was large- a full general's tent, though in the caverns it looked ridiculous. Lopsided on the lumpy floor, as if it was about to fall at any moment, though enough ropes had been tied around nearby protrusions from the walls to keep it at least semi-stable. Though it wobbled as they entered, a humorous effect if it wasn't for the fear of it falling upon them. It wouldn't be harmful, no, but Gabrielle already felt as if she could touch the rocks, as if they were pressing upon her despite the distance. She had no desire to be surrounded by darkness and fabric when she was already encased in darkness and stone. 

"What information have you been able to gather so far," Xena asked the moment the tent's flap closed behind them. Walking over to the uneven table that had been set up in the center of the room, she began to pour over the maps that had been laid out in the half-light the torch provided, one finger tracking the markings that had been made. Cities the Romans had taken, Gabrielle guessed, or places where battles had been lost. The same, it seemed for many of them, towns and villages she knew would be filled with dead. "Where is Caesar now? If I can-"

"You'll do nothing, Xena," Boadicea growled, stomping forward and yanking the map away. "This is my army, and I'll command it as I see fit. If you want a chance at Caesar, you'll accept that now." 

"I'm not here to take your army," Xena said after a long moment, looking Boadicea over. "Not now, anyway. I'm here for Caesar- nothing more." 

"Then you'll wait," Boadicea replied, straightening her back ever so slightly at Xena's calculating stare. Her glare was strong, enough to match Xena's level gaze, though after a few moments she allowed her eyes to fall. "I have a plan, Xena. If you want Caesar, you'll go along with it. Any attempts to do otherwise will only get you killed. You and your little friend." 

Boadicea glanced over, just long enough to spare Gabrielle to quick, curious glance- one Gabrielle was used to. She still didn't look like much, not yet; a young woman, weaponless except for a very big stick, traveling with the Warrior Princess. She didn't look like much- and that was how so many had fallen before her. Not in death, not in this world and not yet, at least, but still, many had learned not to take her quite so lightly. 

Something Boadicea would learn herself. 

"Is that a threat?" Xena's voice was light, but her mannerisms were deadly: her hand twitched closer to her chakram, and for a moment Gabrielle couldn't help but worry if they would have to fight their way back out of the caves. Their men had scattered the moment they had entered, taken aside by Boadicea's men to help with some of the camp tasks, and in this light there would be no finding them. If it turned into a fight, they were as good as dead, even if she and Xena could make their way free. 

"A warning," Boadicea replied, her voice still gruff but slightly less threatening than it had been a moment before. As if she had noticed Xena's movement; a possibility, with how skilled she was of a fighter, a leader, it would be a poor lacking on her part if she hadn't seen that she had raised Xena's hackles, and a death wish if she didn't do something to smooth them over. "You have no idea what you're dealing with here, Xena, and attempting something like that on your own would be foolish, even for you." 

"Then fill me in." Xena settled herself into one of the chairs that surrounded the table, rocking slowly side to side on the uneven legs as she waited for Boadicea to respond. When they both looked at her, Gabrielle stepped forward and took a seat of her own, waiting. 

Boadicea didn't let them down. For the next who knew how long, for time was hard to track when darkness was the default, Boadicea filled them in on what had been going on in Britannia. Of the battles they had fought, the villages they had razed to the ground, the men they had lost in this war. Where they had loyal people bringing them news, where those friends had gone silent, where they knew nothing and had no way of getting someone in. On the movements of troops and the little pockets of resistance that had popped up when the army itself had finally fallen. 

On Caesar's whereabouts, and her plan for his demise. 

"Londinium," Gabrielle said slowly, repeating the name of the town Boadicea had just named for them. "That's where he is?" 

"Last we heard," Boadicea replied gruffly, nodding as she pointed to a crudely sketched place on the map- a recent addition, it seemed. "Caesar had it built shortly after he took control of the area- it's supposed to be the beginning of a great Roman hold on Britannia. Supposedly the little bastard's holed up in there, running this war through proxy." 

"And you're going to sneak into the city and kill him?" Though framed as a question, there wasn't much of a question in Gabrielle's voice- it was clear what Boadicea was planning. Gabrielle just voiced the question to get confirmation. 

"Once we figure out how to get in, aye," Boadicea said, her fingers tapping on the map before her. "We've thought the river would be a good way to get in, but boats are too easy to see and defend against. We thought maybe a frontal attack against the walls, but we have no idea how many men face us on the inside, and even then, the archers would take us out before we got close. Then there's just opening the doors, storming the city, finding Caesar and killing him. All a hunk of bread." Boadicea gave what was almost a wiry smile, self-deprecating in nature for the hurtle that remained before them. "Without their fearless leader, the Romans would fall back, and we might be able to retake the country. But if we failed..." 

She didn't need to finish. Failure would mean death, a Roman conquest, and another part added to the Empire. 

"I could get you in." 

Boadicea almost started- the entire time she had been talking, Xena hadn't said a word, instead just listening to her and Gabrielle discuss the issue before them. Turning from Gabrielle to fully face Xena instead, Boadicea just tilted her head, waiting for Xena to continue. 

"The river," Xena said, leaning over and tapping the map. "You can swim down the river, climb up the bank, climb the wall into the camp, and then it would just be a matter of sneaking to the front gates. It wouldn't be too well manned- no, Caesar thinks he's already won. He gets arrogant when he's close to winning. He'll have sent most of his men to bolster the battalions in the field, and will only have a hundred with him, tops. I get in, take out a couple as I go, open the doors to let your men in- we'd have the city within a few hours. Then we would just need to find Caesar himself. And best part is, he doesn't even know I'm here. He wouldn't be expecting it."

It wasn't clear, not in the dim lighting, but Gabrielle knew Xena. She knew her better than anything else, and even in the near darkness, it was clear Xena was shaking. Shaking with excitement, an edge to her voice that only showed up when she wanted something and was close to finally getting it. 

In this case, her revenge. 

"You really think he'd be that stupid," Boadicea asked, though the hint of energy that had returned to her voice was enough to betray her as well- she was already staring intently at where Xena's hand rested on the map, her almost willingness to hope clear. "He's not a fool." 

"No," Xena confirmed, shaking her head. "He's smart and clever and will have thought of almost everything else possible. But he is proud, believes that ruling the world is his destiny, and that'll blind him. We can use that to our advantage." 

For a while longer they discussed it, throwing out thoughts and counter thoughts, trying to work through every angle in an attempt to discover anything they might have missed. When Xena would enter the river, where Boadicea's people would wait, what time they would begin their attack- they discussed every detail possible, going over every little thing to create the perfect plan. 

Gabrielle only half listened, just enough to know where she would be- with Boadicea, preferably with some group that would remain out of the fighting, providing first aid to the soldiers who came back wounded. An assignment Gabrielle struggled to keep a derisive snort from sounding at; the idea that she would be anywhere but the thick of the battle, working her way towards Xena, was absurd. Maybe not to Xena, who still didn't know, didn't understand, but to her? There was no other option. 

But instead of listening to the plan, instead of mentally preparing herself for the battle to come, Gabrielle focused instead on another section of the map she could see. A valley with three hills, surrounded by mountains on all sides. A large mark covering the parchment, indicating a major loss that Gabrielle knew, if Xena had been there, would have been a win. A badly drawn building (a temple, she knew it was a temple, even if on the map it was just a messy brown square. A temple that the thought of turned her pale, that had her hands shaking if she thought too much about it) hiding among the trees. 

"This temple." 

Xena and Boadicea froze, both of them turning to look at Gabrielle- it was clear from their faces that they had forgotten she existed, they had been so caught up in their planning. But her voice had reminded them, and, curious, Boadicea motioned for her to continue. 

"Caesar had men posted in this temple," Gabrielle said, tapping the map. "Was it destroyed?" 

"How did you know that," Boadicea asked, her eyebrow raising as she gave Gabrielle a look over. "That Caesar put men there?" 

"Was it destroyed?" 

Both women shared a look at the insistence in Gabrielle's voice, the almost twinge of anger and fear that caused Xena concern and had Boadicea even more curious, both turning fully to look at her. It was clear Boadicea wanted to question her more, had a dozen thoughts just waiting on the tip of her tongue. But a look at Xena, a nod when Xena shook her head, and Boadicea replied. 

"Aye," she said. "Watched his men tear it to the ground. It's gone." 

She fell. 

Gabrielle was aware of both Xena and Boadicea's voices surrounding her, was aware of Xena's arms wrapping around her and pulling her close, was aware of the hustling of men as someone brought forth a waterskin. Gabrielle was aware of it all, knew well enough that it was happening, but what did it matter? 

The temple was _gone_. Dahok's followers were either slaves to the Romans or dead, at the very least scattered. There was no one to perform the ceremony, no one to betray her, no one to gain her trust and shatter her. 

She was free. 

"You best get her to sleep," Boadicea finally said- the first words Gabrielle was truly aware of as the relief finally began to fade. As she remembered where she was, as she felt herself leaning against Xena, as she felt Xena's fingers try and wipe away the tears that were streaking her cheeks. Tears she hadn't even been aware of, sobs that tore at her throat that she was only just now hearing. Xena was whispering to her, her words too fast and just barely restraining panic for Gabrielle to understand what she meant, but they were soothing nonetheless. 

She took the waterskin Boadicea held out when she noticed Gabrielle had returned to them, and Gabrielle drained it, every piece of her being calling for the moisture. She coughed- it caught in her throat, just for a moment, but almost enough to send Xena into a tizzy as she fussed over her; brushing her hair away from her face, asking a stream of questions Gabrielle had no answer for, everything that showed just how helpless Xena currently felt. 

Gabrielle felt the same- she felt weak, tired and weak and sore from a weight she hadn't realized she was still carrying. Especially since she had already accepted she was free, free with Krafstar’s imprisonment. She had thought herself free then, but now? Now she was. 

"I'm sorry," Gabrielle said when she was breathing evenly, her voice stable. "That temple, it...it means something to me. Something I read. It being destroyed just came as a pleasant shock." 

"You've had a long journey here," Boadicea said, allowance in her voice. "You two must be tired. Xena," Boadicea continued, focusing on her, "you two go get some rest. My men will show you to a tent. We'll continue planning tomorrow."

They exchanged a look- one that promised questions to come, one that suggested there might be answers- before Xena just nodded and shifted, her arms wrapping securely around Gabrielle to hold her tightly in place against Xena’s chest. Rising, Xena ignored Gabrielle’s protests as she began to walk, following after one of Boadicea’s men as he led them deeper into the caves, where smaller, more private tents were waiting. 

The moment they were alone, the closing tent flaps sending them into darkness, Xena carefully put Gabrielle to her feet and began to check her over for wounds, her hands searching familiar skin in the darkness and finding it intact. Continuing to ignore her, Xena gently pressed Gabrielle towards the pallet that existed as the bed, kneeling before her to undo her boots as she continued her examination. 

“Xena, I’m alright. Promise.” 

“Was it a vision?” Her voice was tight as Xena slid Gabrielle’s foot from the boot, her hand wrapping around Gabrielle’s ankle to ensure the joint was alright and healthy- slightly swollen from a long day’s walk, but nothing unusual. Still, Xena massaged the muscle- and at that moment Gabrielle realized she was trying to keep herself busy. Was trying to distract her mind with moving hands, all while subduing her constant fear that something would happen to her. 

Reaching forward slowly in the dark to avoid her fingers making contact with Xena’s eyes, Gabrielle gently cupped Xena’s face and lifted it upwards. Placing a small, reassuring kiss somewhere- Xena’s cheekbone, it turned out, the distinction hard to make in the almost pure darkness- Gabrielle reached down and tugged one of Xena’s hands upwards, pressing her lips against Xena’s palm so she could feel her smile. 

“Just a dream.” Their code for something changing, indicating a difference between what Gabrielle had “seen” and what was to be. A code that had Xena nodding, her head moving in Gabrielle’s hand the only indication she understood. 

“Will you tell me your dream?” Not a common question, but one Xena had given enough- sometimes Gabrielle had refused her, while other times Gabrielle had recounted how their adventures had once gone, as their ‘dream’ version, before the world had changed. But this time Gabrielle shook her head no- she would, one day. By the gods, one day she would sit Xena down and explain it all, so she could finally understand. 

But for now Gabrielle shook her head and leaned in for another kiss, managing after a few moments of searching to capture Xena’s lips. 

She was free. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I’m so fucking excited guys. Things are picking up, and I’m so fucking excited.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Gabrielle loved Xena.  


It was a statement as true as time, as constant as a constant could be (not very, she had discovered, but Gabrielle refused to let that phase her). It was why she had burned the world, why she had decided to live through their life one more time- in an attempt to gain and keep that love, to let this world, this life, turn out right. 

As true as that statement was, a small part of her hated Xena. Because it was minotaur crap like this that had gotten them into this mess in the first place. 

Theoretically, the plan was sound. Have a small force swim upstream, keeping close to the riverbanks so the current couldn't catch them. Climb out and scale the walls once they were within range. Kill just enough soldiers to keep a low profile and cut into the defender's forces, but not enough to draw attention and raise alarm. Because the main goal would be the doors. Once the force got there, they would just have to open them and defend them against Caesar's men until Boadicea's- who would be waiting at a far enough distance as to draw their attention but not their attack- could reach the gates, storm the city, and find and kill Caesar. 

It was a good plan. Fundamentally lacking, since it was built entirely upon the assumption that Caesar would only keep a small, overworked force in the city; that, with the river at their backs, the defenses would be lighter on the far side, since most invaders would approach from upstream, not down; on the idea that said small force could climb the walls with their weapons and armor, and then sneak in without someone seeing and killing them on the spot. But even with all of its flaws, for a plan created after a single quick conversation, it was good. 

Gabrielle had been sure, when she had first been filled in on the plan, that it would never work. It was a rough draft of a plan, something that would be worked over for the next few days until something real came from it.  

Of course, that had been before she had been told that the "small force" would, in fact, be Xena. 

"You're not invincible, Xena. You can't do this alone!" 

"And who do you suggest comes with me? You?" 

Gabrielle was glad for the darkness- when she had heard the plan, when Boadicea had filled her in on the handful of details Gabrielle had missed from the night before, after she had fallen asleep and Xena had returned to the commander's tent to continue planning, she had had to struggle to keep her face straight. To keep herself from descending into an argument with Xena right then and there, causing a scene among the generals who had joined them. Not that she cared about them, no, but her secrets were her own, and the chances of her tongue slipping were that much higher when she was angry. So, she had waited and stewed, her anger growing with each person that spoke, with each new version of the plan that arose, all exactly the same just dressed up with different colors. 

The moment they had called for a break, Gabrielle had grabbed Xena by the hand and pulled her back to their tent, where the privacy and darkness were to her advantages. Because in the darkness, Xena couldn't see the determined set of her jaw, the clench of her fists, the barely suppressed rage burning within her.

"I'm not some little girl, Xena," Gabrielle said, her voice tense- and her words true, though how to make Xena understand? How to make her understand that just because this body, this version of herself, hadn't gone through the same horrors her first life had, she still knew them? That the previous life had carried over, and while yes, in this life she was still very close to the girl Xena thought she was, she wasn't. She was both unmarried and widow, childless and mother, princess and queen, the girl who fought with a staff and the woman who killed with her sais. 

How to make Xena understand, when the only way to do so would be to tell her, something Gabrielle still resisted?

"I can take care of myself. And I can help take care of you. Why won't you believe me?" 

"I do, Gabrielle," Xena said with a huff. She was pacing, the sound of her boots on the stone clear; an indicator she was angry, since Xena rarely ever let herself be heard if she wasn't caught up by her emotions. "I believe everything you say without question, and sometimes it drives me insane!" Gabrielle could hear the harried look Xena was wearing, could easily imagine her hand running through her hair and turning it into a matted ruffle. "Unless you've had a vision," she continued, coming to a stop right before Gabrielle- almost close enough for them to touch, her normally comforting warmth suffocating- "in which case tell me now. Tell me now and I'll tell Boadicea that we need to change our plans. Is that what this is, Gabrielle- the future?" 

For a moment Gabrielle considered what to say- that they both had died at Caesar's hands; that Xena was destined to fall at the hands of an army, just not this one; some lie that Xena would believe only because she had no other choice, not really, not when she had no idea if Gabrielle herself was being truthful?

"You're not immortal, Xena," was all she finally said after a long, quiet moment, a moment where neither of them breathed, or so it felt. "You can die." 

"Then either tell me when or let me face it." Her voice had gone hard- Gabrielle's refusal to say more saying more than just those two simple sentences. "You've chosen not to trust me with knowledge of the future, so let it be as it will." 

Xena turned at that, her shadow appearing in the entrance as she left the tent, only for the shadows to return as she let the flap fall behind. Leaving Gabrielle in the dark. 

She didn't follow, because Xena was right. In part, at least- there was no future for Gabrielle to tell, not now, because this was so utterly different from what they had known. She had no idea what was to come, no clue how this was going to change their lives; she hadn't know how their paths would go for a long time, not since Chin. But even still, she refused to tell Xena. Refused to share with her what their other lives had been like, how that other world had turned, and so Xena was right. Gabrielle didn't trust her- how could she? How could she trust Xena not to let the knowledge of the world past influence her decisions now, perhaps, on accident, getting them back on course? Gabrielle trusted her with everything else- her heart, her life, her soul, everything that she was. 

But how could she trust Xena with their future when she didn't even trust herself? 

She left the tent eventually, when enough time had passed for Xena to clear that area. Instead of making her way towards the commander's tent, though, she turned. Turned and began to mindlessly wander through the camp, watching as Boadicea's men worked. Only the worse wounded were still- others crawled through the caves like ants, all obsessed with their task at hand, under the belief it would help them win and end this war. Clearing out the sides of the caves to allow more room, sharpening swords and mending damaged armor, even just tending to the fires, constantly keeping them lit so as to avoid the caverns falling into darkness; there was movement everywhere she looked. 

It was peaceful, so she helped. Jumping from task to task, offering her services wherever she could find a place, Gabrielle let herself forget. Let herself worry about the moment, the present, without thinking about how it would all affect the future. Let herself get swept away with the movement, the work, the soft chattering of voices that filled the air around her, telling stories or offering water or food, anything to keep the quiet from invading, from overwhelming them. 

She was still angry when a hand landed on her shoulder, the man she had been sitting next to telling her to go get some sleep; she had been working through multiple changes of the torches, far longer than some of the men actually tasked with the jobs. It was late. She was still angry, but Gabrielle didn't protest, her eyes burning from the smoke and heat from having to sit too close to the fire to actually see what she was doing. She was angry but she was calmer, everything having shifted and settled ever so slightly. 

She still didn't go back to their tent. To do so would only cause another argument, and while she knew it was a bit cruel, she had no desire to see or speak to Xena. Not right now, at least. Perhaps later, when things were clearer, her decisions easier to sort through, she would go back and at least partly explain. Explain that Xena, in her 'dreams,' had died at the hands of an army. And while they were far enough out that she was in no danger from that army, still the fear of Xena going in alone struck her. And perhaps she could explain in such a way that Xena would understand, understand that she wasn't some child wandering after her idol, that they were closer to being equals than Xena actually understood. 

But for now, even though she knew Xena would worry, Gabrielle went to the stables instead, a large side cave that had been crudely separated into stalls, keeping the horses separate. Grabbing an armful of the hay that lay in the corner, Gabrielle slid into Argo's stall, whispering a quick greeting before arranging her makeshift bed in the cleanest corner. It wasn't comfortable, but it was warm and dry and that was enough. 

She wasn't sure how long she slept- it could have been the entire night, could have been for just a few minutes, Gabrielle couldn't be sure. Her head was swimming, her mind foggy from sleep, and the lack of light made it hard to figure out how much time had passed at any given moment. 

All she knew was that someone was there, watching her, and it wasn't Xena. 

She didn't give the stranger time to react- she sprang forward, twisting herself so her shoulder rammed into their stomach, the intruder doubling over with a pained grunt. Twisting out from under their reach, she rolled under Argo, only to stand and slap her hands onto Argo's back and vault up and over her, twisting so her feet met their chest. They went down, and without giving them a chance to recover Gabrielle grabbed their flailing hands and pinned them, straddling their waist so they were trapped. 

Neither opponent moved, both too afraid- Gabrielle of them getting the upper hand if she gave them an opening, the other for their ribs, since breathing had already become difficult with Gabrielle partly crushing their lungs. However, after a long, silent moment, the person under Gabrielle began to laugh. 

And Gabrielle's face flushed as she finally realized the woman she was currently straddling, that she had pinned down, was Boadicea. 

"By the gods, I knew there had to be more to you than met the eye," Boadicea laughed, sitting up when Gabrielle had finally slid off of her. She winced as she moved, her hand touching her chest, but after a second she shrugged it off. "Nothing's broken, but if you had some more room to gather some more speed, I'd probably be dead." She laughed again, as if her own death was amusing to her, her wild mane of hair a halo around her. "Where did you learn that? Xena? Or a trick of your own?" 

"What are you doing here," Gabrielle asked instead, her voice tert as she moved towards Argo to apologize- the horse had made it clear she didn't appreciate being used as a platform for Gabrielle's acrobatics, and was still stomping and snorting on her side of the stable. "Shouldn't you be planning a battle?" 

"I did." Boadicea gave that with a shrug, raising her eyebrow at Gabrielle's mannerisms. "We smoothed out the plan, and in two days, when the moon's new, we'll strike. Strike and run out those Roman bastards, or take them with us. Which is why I'm here, girl." Boadicea pat the ground next to her, an expectant look on her face. For a moment Gabrielle thought to refuse her- how dare she order her around almost like a dog- but in the slight light that came from the entrance of the stable, it was as kindly of a look as Boadicea could manage. So Gabrielle sat. 

"You don't like me, do you," Boadicea asked into the silence. When Gabrielle didn't answer, she just shrugged. "Doesn't matter if you do, girly. I don't rightly like myself either. But I'm the only leader these poor fools got, and I gotta do what's best for them. And Xena's what's best. You can understand that, right?" 

Gabrielle could. She knew, if she was in Boadicea's position, she would be doing the exact same thing. She would be using everything she had to her advantage, even if that risked death for the ones being used. If it would save the majority, keep the most alive, a few others were worth it. 

But she wasn't in Boadicea's position, and this was _Xena_. The woman she had burned the world to get a chance at saving. And while this wasn't the army that had originally ended her, the very idea of Xena facing such a foe alone? 

"It's not that I dislike you, Boadicea," Gabrielle finally said, breaking the silence that had fallen over them, her soft words loud in the dark. "I worry about her. She's going to end up dead one day, and I know I couldn't stand that. And she has her sins to make up for, but do they really have to come at the cost of her own life?" 

It also felt good, saying those words. Finally giving voice to the thoughts that had been dragging on her. Stating the reason why she was angry, despite knowing this was exactly the kind of thing Xena did. She put herself in danger so others didn't have to, to make up for the past she was desperately trying to escape. It was a part of Xena that Gabrielle knew, that she loved despite how much she hated it, and it was something she knew she would have to deal with when, when she had first realized that the world had reset, she had decided to live this life over again. 

It was still infuriating, but even as she said those words she could feel the anger draining. She couldn't protect Xena, no, not from herself. All she could do was try and make sure the consequences wouldn't be too high. 

"I can't tell you," Boadicea eventually admitted, her hand reaching out to pat Gabrielle on the shoulder. "But if this succeeds, she's saving more lives than I can count, and repaying her debt to me in full." 

"You said two days, right?" Boadicea seemed surprised that that was what Gabrielle was still fixed upon, but she quickly gave a little noise of confirmation. "Good. That gives us some time to prepare." Pushing herself to her feet, she offered Boadicea her hand, helping the other woman up, wincing when Boadicea gave out a small, pained gasp. "Sorry about your ribs." 

"It's nothing," Boadicea said, though her hand pressed against them again to try and soothe the flair of pain. "What I get for startling you. At least it was me and not someone else- I doubt any of the others would have survived that kind of attack." 

"Others?" 

"It's been over a day since Xena last saw you," Boadicea explained as they left the stables, "and no one could tell her where you were. She's about ready to burn down my camp if you don't show up soon. Warriors and their women." She rolled her eyes at that, her voice an angry grumble, though there was some lightness to her, something the Boadicea Gabrielle remembered from the last world didn't have. She was still harsh, gruff, but it seemed as if she had a sliver of hope left. As if this plan was going to fix everything that stood between them and victory. As if they could actually win, and survive to see another day. 

Last time there had been more of the war to come. This was a war already lost, but a force that continued to fight. 

"I'll go find her," Gabrielle promised, "and make sure she doesn't." 

They parted, Boadicea disappearing into the darkness, calling out some unintelligible thing to some unseen friend waiting for her. Gabrielle, in turn, went back to their tent, only stopping at a food tent to grab something to eat, her stomach grumbling after so long empty. 

She felt empty as well. Just tired, drained; the relief of finding out the temple had been destroyed the night before- or two nights ago, Gabrielle realized- plus the argument the day before had been exhausting. Even after sleeping, she still felt tired, ready to just sleep until she had enough energy to assess the situation and see where things would go from there. But unless the gods froze her for another twenty-five years, the chances of that happening were slim. 

So Gabrielle filled her stomach as she walked, navigating the caverns until she found the entrance to their tent, and pushed aside everything else for now. 

The moment she entered the tent, Gabrielle found herself in a hug, pressed tight against Xena's chest as Xena just held her. Held her as close as possible, a hold Gabrielle returned, resting her head on Xena's shoulder as they just existed within the quiet moment they had. 

"I was worried you'd been captured," Xena admitted, pressing a kiss to Gabrielle's forehead when she was finally reassured that Gabrielle was, in fact, still there. "Boadicea doesn't know all her men, and a Roman could easily sneak in. When I couldn't find you last night, and no one knew where you were this morning, I thought..." Xena didn't need to finish; they both knew what she had thought. Gabrielle shook her head. 

"I spent the night with Argo," Gabrielle said, giving a small, reassuring smile, unseen in the dark, but heard in her voice. "The worst thing to happen is Boadicea startled me awake." Xena seemed to relax at that, a tension she'd been carrying bleeding from her limbs. "Look, Xena, I-" 

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle." Xena didn't give her a chance to continue, instead pulling away and beginning to pace in the darkness. "We've talked about this, about why you haven't told me what the future holds, about why I avoid reading your scrolls- it wasn't fair of me to use that against you." Her pacing paused, and the sound of Xena lowering herself to the pallet told Gabrielle all she needed to know. "Caesar is so close, and you know what he means to me. The idea of knowing the future, having some edge on him, knowing whether or not our plan will work...it's tempting." 

"It's terrifying," Gabrielle filled in, closing the few steps of distance between them. Her hand searched for a moment, brushing against Xena's thigh, before she finally found the empty space next to her and occupied it. "This world is all so different from what I saw, I don't know anymore. Xena, we've changed so much... I can't tell you whether or not this plan is going to work, and that terrifies me." She leaned into Xena's side, a blanket of comfort washing over her as Xena wrapped her arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "There's so much we don't know about what's going on inside the city, if Caesar's even there, how many people he has..." Her voice trailed off, and for a moment Gabrielle wondered if she should tell. If she should reveal the way Xena had died, should share the truth about their end. 

But she didn't get the chance as Xena gave her a reassuring squeeze and spoke. 

"I know Caesar, Gabrielle," Xena said, the hint of almost arrogance in her voice enough to set Gabrielle on edge. Because Xena knew Caesar, yes, but did she really? The gods remembered their past lives, she herself remembered- did Caesar, the man who had set the other world into motion, remember too? Gabrielle wasn't sure, and the only way to know was to ask. Something she was unlikely to get the chance to do anytime soon. "He'll be there. He's an arrogant fool who'll only have a small army with him, and we'll be able to defeat him." 

"I know him too," Gabrielle admitted, "and he's smarter than you think." 

"One of your dreams," Xena asked. She pulled away and stood, the sound of her fumbling with her armor making it clear to Gabrielle what she was planning on doing. Every other time Gabrielle had shared, it had always been as a story while they were falling asleep, and even though Gabrielle had just woken a short while ago, Xena seemed exhausted. She returned to the pallet, lacking her armor and leathers, just her simple under shift to clothe her, and laid down, wiggling in behind Gabrielle and curling around her so Gabrielle's lower back was pressed against Xena's stomach. 

Gabrielle sat still as Xena shifted and moved, arranging herself as she needed. Sat still and considered, considered Xena's words from before, the changes they had made, all that was to come. 

Xena finally fell still, Gabrielle's arm rising to rest on Xena's hip and thigh, her fingers playing with the skin that appeared below her shift as she continued to think. For a long while they sat like that, neither moving, neither speaking, Xena enjoying Gabrielle's warmth and the tickling of her fingers on her leg. All while Gabrielle thought. 

"Xena?”

"Hmm?" Xena's voice was sleepy- she had probably started to doze off, thinking that no story would come tonight. 

"I know Caesar...because he killed me."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Next chapter! :D I hope you guys are ready- I know I'm not, and I'm the one writing everything.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Xena had asked her, once, how she knew the difference between a vision and reality. When the vision seemed so real, so vivid and detailed, how was she sure? 

Gabrielle had just said she wasn't. She never was, not really. Not until she woke up from the vision and realized everything hadn't happened yet. The truth, if a bit bent to protect her secrets at the time, but it had been enough for Xena to sate her curiosity. She had expressed wonder at how realistic visions could be, how those little glimpses into the future were so strong as to seem real, and after had forgotten about it. She had her answer, so why continue on? 

Sitting there, Xena curled around her as she laid out their deaths at Caesar's hands, Gabrielle knew she remembered. Knew she was thinking back to that conversation, to that confirmation that the visions were real- real enough to feel pain, pleasure, everything that the real world brought with it. She knew because Xena had started shaking, her body curling tighter around Gabrielle until she finally shifted, sitting up so Gabrielle was in her lap, pressed protectively against her chest while her limbs formed a cage around her. Her hand had started pressing light, soothing touches where the pain would have been most, touches that would have done something had the pain been present. 

Gabrielle didn't tell her everything. Didn't tell her that it was a future crucifixion, still a few years out if they had been in their previous lives. She didn't reveal Alti, nor the quest Xena had had to go on to realize that she wasn't dead. Gabrielle told her just what she needed to know for her to understand, to drive home the fact that Gabrielle was aware of just how dangerous Caesar was. 

She told her about the jail cell, the cold and damp that could never be driven away. She told her about the Roman soldiers, their hands hard and their grasps painful even as their eyes expressed pity. Told her about the cross, the wood hard as she was laid upon it. Told her about the nails, the pain as the freezing metal sunk into her skin with every fall of the hammer. Told her about her legs, the bones breaking with every swing of the mallet, the continuation of the pain almost enough to make her pass out, had it not been too painful to do so. Told her about the jarring ache as the cross was raised, told her about the freezing cold that had turned her fingers blue, numbing the pain until it all started to burn. 

Told her about suffocating, every breath a hard won fight, until she couldn't fight anymore. Told her about the peace that had finally settled as she slipped away, grateful at least for the release from the pain. 

Gabrielle told her everything she needed to hear, and by the time she was done she could barely move, Xena held her so tightly. Held her almost to the point of discomfort, though Gabrielle didn't try to escape, didn't ask to be released, just let herself be held. 

She probably would have started to shake too, if her body had been free to do so. Talking had reawoken the pain, a dull ache in comparison to what it once had been, but it had never been something they had talked about before. In their first life it had just happened, had been another painful event in a long line of them, and, as was their way, they had pushed it off. Pushed it as far from their minds as possible, focusing instead on the fact that they were alive, that the Romans were after them, and, eventually, Eve. 

They had never talked about the fact that they had _died_ , by the gods they had actually _died_. Died in a painful, horrible way that, as Gabrielle was realizing, had scarred her more than she had realized it would. 

"I'm going to kill him." 

"What?" Gabrielle was surprised when Xena spoke- it'd been a long time since she had finished telling her tale, time they had sat in silence, just holding and being held. The verbal intrusion a surprise, though not one Gabrielle was unthankful for; anything to draw her mind back into the present, where they were both whole and healthy and alive. "What did you say?" 

"Caesar," Xena growled, his name practically a curse. "He was already going to die for what he did to me," she continued, "but for what he's going to do...was going to do...did to you? He's going to die _slow_." 

"Do you see why I fear him," Gabrielle asked softly, shifting slightly so she could better look at where she believed Xena's face was- or tried to, at least, for Xena's grip held fast. "He was able to beat us once, in my vision. Even with how things have changed, he's a crafty, cruel man. I trust you to know him. I trust him to know you as well."

They didn't speak much after that. Instead Xena just held her, eventually lapsing into a soft, slow lullaby, her fingers running through Gabrielle's hair as she sang. It wasn't one Gabrielle was familiar with, the language low and rumbling, but either way it was a comfort. Something this gentle, something this full of love, could never be found upon the cross. 

Even though she hadn't been awake for long, Gabrielle found herself drifting off to sleep, only awakening when Xena shifted them so they were both laying down, her hold on Gabrielle still almost tight enough to be suffocating. It was light; Gabrielle was sure she woke up quite a few times in the while they laid there, curled around each other, but still it was restful. It was dreamless and calm, and nowadays? That was all she could ask. 

The next time they were both awake, Xena led the way into Boadicea's tent and asked for volunteers for the mission. 

"I thought," Boadicea said slowly, eyeing Xena up and down, "that you were going to go in alone."

"If I'm right," Xena said just as slowly, meeting and returning Boadicea's gaze, "and Caesar only has a small force with him, then I would be enough. But if I'm wrong? Getting the gates open so your people can capture Londinium is our most important goal, and if I'm wrong then the more the better. Not too many," she clarified, "but a dozen more men should be enough that at least one will make it to the city gates." 

"I don't have anyone as good as you are, unless you're taking her," Boadicea admitted, rubbing at her ribs as she nodded towards Gabrielle, causing Xena to glance over with a raised eyebrow, "but I'll ask for volunteers. All good men from our highest rank will step forward, I'm sure. But let's hope you're right, Xena. I don't want to waste lives if I don't have to." 

"If I'm right, then we won't be. If I'm wrong...I'll do my best to get them out alive."

That seemed enough for Boadicea, who left to send out the request. Leaving them alone, Gabrielle taking that moment to speak. 

"I'm coming with you." 

For a moment Xena looked as if she was going to argue, her normal denials of Gabrielle doing anything that would put her too close to the center of danger, especially if Gabrielle didn't _need_ to do it, already forming on her tongue. But she paused. Paused and turned to look at Gabrielle, her head cocked to the side ever so slightly as she considered it. Considered it and sighed, shaking her head in response. 

"You'll stay close," was the final verbal answer Gabrielle got, but it was win nonetheless. She was going with Xena. 

It didn't take long before Boadicea returned, a handful of men in tow, including a couple of the men Gabrielle recognized from the ship from Chin. She nodded politely as Xena explained the plan, the men bunched together around the lopsided table to see the map, all of them vying for the best position. Already Gabrielle could tell they would be a problem- too many leaders, quite a few of them looking at Xena with a dismissive look on their face, as if they had right to question her. But they listened, occasionally glancing over at Boadicea for direction, and when she gave no indication that Xena was wrong, they all nodded in agreement. 

Only one seemed doubtful, and when Xena paused he spoke, reaching out to tap on the crudely drawn Londinium. 

"What if they see us?" 

"Then we retreat," Xena said, giving a little shrug, "and think of something else. Boadicea won't advance until after we've opened the gates, so if we need to fall back and change our tactics, it shouldn't be a problem. Right?" Xena glanced over at Boadicea, her question less of a question and more of a statement; Boadicea nodded her confirmation anyway, giving a little shrug. 

"Not much we can do if you are seen," she said, "so don't be, or pray to the gods this one’s able to keep you alive." She nodded at Xena, her expression grim. 

At first a few men chuckled at what they thought a joke; who was this random Thracian woman to come in and act as their leader while their true leader stood to the side? But watching as Boadicea’s face darkened, those few quickly grew silent, looking at Xena with another eye. 

They didn’t speak much after that, instead listening intently as Xena and Boadicea went deeper into their plan, laying out all the different tasks the men would be expected to complete once they were within the walls. Who was to focus on archers, taking out as many as possible with their backs turned so the invading troops would have fewer causalities. Who was to focus on ground troops, causing chaos in Caesar’s own ranks. Who was to focus on the door, opening and keeping it open for the coming wave of force. 

All good information to know, though Gabrielle barely listened. She knew Xena expected her to stay close, to keep at Xena’s back while they took on the most important job of them all- defending the gates. There was no other way in or out, from what Boadicea’s spies had been able to figure out, so the moment they took the city, Caesar was also theirs, making him a low priority. With most of the Romans rushing to the gate to close it once more, that was where Xena was needed. Where Gabrielle was expected to be. 

But not, Gabrielle had decided, where she would go. 

She wasn’t going to wait. She wasn’t going to spend that entire battle worrying, wondering, stressing over whether or not Caesar was truly a threat. She wasn’t going to let him get close enough to Xena for her to find out. 

So instead of listening, Gabrielle studied the crude drawings Boadicea’s spies had been able to make, memorizing the layout of the city, where the important buildings were, where she would need to go. Instead she planned her route, made her peace with what would need to be done, and readied herself.  

Readied herself for the fight to come, for the blood that was finally going to stain her hands. Because she would die before she let Caesar near Xena. 

The rest of the day was uneasy, everyone milling around the general's tent, no one willing to leave in case some sort of information appeared, information that would affect the task before them. They shifted and coughed, talked among themselves, dug heartily into the food that was brought for them- but the men never left, instead looking between Xena and Boadicea for some kind of answer to a question they never asked. They were already prepared, weapons and armor and supplies already packed, just needed to be grabbed as they left; they were just waiting for the order, the moment to leave.

It was suffocating. That many people in a single room would have made it unbearable to begin with, but this deep underground, where there was no merciful breeze to clear it away?

Gabrielle touched Xena on the arm, and when she looked at her, Gabrielle jerked her head towards the entrance to the tent. "I'm going to wander a bit. I'll see you at ours."

Xena just nodded, offering her a small half smile before returning to the map, staring at it intently. Studying every curve of the river, calculating how deep it ran, making a mental picture for them all to follow when it was just them in the dead of night, no map to lead them. And with the moon new, it would be pitch dark as well, making it all the harder to navigate the unfamiliar territory, making her mental painting that much more important. 

Even underground, it was a relief to leave the warm, suffocating air of the tent for the slightly cooler, still just as suffocating air of the caves. Even as the twinge of smoke from a nearby fire began to burn her eyes, Gabrielle still just stood there and breathed, enjoying the sensation of air filling her lungs, the slightest hint of fresh air that barely made it to them this deep, taking a moment to ignore and forget the constant press of rocks around them as she thought. 

It would be a lie to say she hadn't been enjoying the innocence of this life. That she hadn't been enjoying the fact that she didn't have to kill, that she could go through an entire battle without blood on her hands and clothes at the end of it. That she could wear colors other than red, a shade of red that the blood stains wouldn't show on, that she could pretend were clean without having to scrub the fabric thin. She could fight without being deadly, could change the world without taking a life, could, in this world, keep her soul clean. Because in this life, everyone she had killed in the last were still alive. For good or for bad, they lived, and their deaths couldn't be put on her. She had the memory, but not the crime. 

Part of her had hoped that it could stay like this; a contradictory hope, since she had entered this new life more than willing to kill, to end any who came between her and Xena's life. She knew without a doubt that, if it came to it, she'd never be able to wash her hands free of the blood if it came to a choice of letting Xena die or killing to keep her alive. She was willing to add a few more faces to her nightmares, a few more names to the list of kills she knew, because it would keep Xena alive. But still, she had been enjoying the simplicity of this world. A world were knocking unconscious was still an acceptable option. 

That was going to change. So Gabrielle prepared. 

It didn't take her long; she was in the middle of an army, so gathering what she needed took little time at all. And no one gave her a second glance- she was one of them, so she took what she needed with just a nod of thanks to the people giving it to her, no questions or answers necessary. Gabrielle prepared herself for what was to come. 

She spent a little longer wandering, just looking at the warriors that had all gathered to fight under Boadicea's flag, men and women more than ready to die for her and their home if that was what it took to drive out the Romans. Just like she was willing to do the same for the woman she considered her home, her life, her love. 

She went back to the tent eventually, sliding silently into the darkness, easily ignoring her new, familiar weight. It didn't take her long to pack the few things she would need- water, food wrapped to keep it dry, a sling for her staff to keep it across her back as she swam. Things that her hands just knew how to do, even in the pure darkness, having done them so many times before, both in her memories and her dreams. That was where Xena found her, just finishing up her packing. 

"Someone's going to come wake us when it's time," Xena said, fumbling with the straps on her armor- straps Gabrielle came over to do, pushing Xena's hands away as her own quickly undid them, following memories much older than Xena knew. "Apparently, we've been down here longer than I thought. The moon's tonight; we'll leave soon." She sounded slightly bitter as she spoke, her obvious distaste for their current accommodations, the never ending darkness that made time inconsequential, clear. "For now, let's get some rest."

Gabrielle paused for a moment, her fingers stilling on the strap as she thought. Letting out a small huff of a laugh, she undid the last of them, allowing Xena to shrug out of her breastplate and armor, leaving her in just her leathers. 

Tonight. She had thought she would have more time, some more time to come to terms with the fact that, after tonight, she was a murderer once more. For a good cause, to keep Xena alive, but the change was a quick one. If she survived. Caesar was a tricky one, and Gabrielle wasn't sure if, in combat, she could win. He could hold his own against Xena, and while she could as well, the chances of her winning? Of defeating him, of landing the killing blow before he landed one of his own? The chances were still suspect.

Something she had accepted, a long time ago. Back in their first lives, she had accepted that the path she walked with Xena would one day lead to her end. And at least this life was already different, perhaps even different enough to keep Xena alive if she wasn't there to do it. She could go back to Chin, to Lao Ma, and serve as her Warrior Princess. Or back to Cyrene, or to the Amazons, or a hundred other places that were possible homes for Xena if she didn't survive. 

She hoped she would, by the gods she hoped she had more time, but if this was to be her destiny, she would meet it. 

She wasn't sure how long they laid there, wrapped in an uneasy sleep, neither fully submitting to Morpheus' call. They talked for a bit, mindless conversations about what their plans were after this was over, things they weren't sure about and still didn't come to a conclusion for. They dozed eventually, rest finding them unwilling and nervous- at least, Gabrielle was. Xena seemed calm, composed; ready to fight, angry, the flame that had started earlier when she had heard what Caesar had done to Gabrielle still burning hot within her, but tempered. Ready to face what was to come. 

Gabrielle was as well, but she was nervous. What would they find, when they breached Londinium? Would Xena's knowledge of Caesar hold true, finding them against a small, easily defeated force? Or would she be wrong, and all that waited for them was a trap?

For however long that lasted, Gabrielle wasn't sure. But soon enough a voice called from the outside of their tent, requesting that they join the rest of the party at the entrance to the caves. For better or for worst, it was time. 

It was strange, walking back into the open world after such a long time underground. Or what had seemed like a long time, Gabrielle realized, for their visit had taken less than four days, four days that had seemed stretched, unending, unbroken from the constant darkness that reigned. And even though it was still dark, the sky cloudy and moonless, it was vast- she could feel the wind and the open spaces around her, a sudden release from the almost grave tight conditions the crowded caves had given. 

It was almost unnerving, because she had gotten used to the caves, at least temporarily. But quickly Gabrielle shook off those feelings, instead focusing on the mission before her. 

It didn't take them long to get through the forests, Xena letting some of Boadicea's men take the lead- they knew the area, knew where they were in relation to the river, and so she stepped aside and let them lead. And luckily everyone was quiet, their armor and weapons muffled by cloth, their bags held tightly to them so nothing could rustle and shift, their feet placed as carefully as they could while they walked. They were as close to silent as a group that large could be, gliding between the trees like the banshees once had, ghosts themselves. 

The river was much the same; sliding down the banks, dropping into the water, Gabrielle tried hard not to think about what else was in there with them. She had heard some men talking about the horrors of the river before, when she had been helping around the camp- creatures both natural and fae called its depths home, creatures that hungered no matter how much they ate. Creatures that wanted nothing more than to feast upon mortal flesh, constrained only by the land surrounding them. Stories, she was sure- at least most of them were, because while the creatures of stories could exist, rarely did they exist as people perceived them. But still, she couldn't help the shudder as she slid into the water with the rest of the party, quickly up to her neck. 

But nothing came after them; no hands reached for their ankles, no horses tried to drown them. There were a few fish, either curious or brave or stupid, one of that set, that came up to them, but otherwise they were left alone. Alone to swim as quietly as they could, though this was harder- weighed down as many of them were, the splashing was loud in the night, hopefully not so loud as to be heard as they approached. Even Gabrielle had her trouble, the staff on her back awkward to swim with, knocking into either her shoulder or her calf with every kick and stroke. Only Xena remained as silent as before, her head (a darker patch of darkness in the night) their only guide as she led them. 

Led them up the river, towards Londinium. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: :D
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

A Londinium that was in the middle of a party.

Even from down the river, the bonfires from inside the fort were visible, turning the sky above red and gold. Laughter and music played, cheers echoed through the night- a festival, perhaps? Or just the Romans celebrating their win over the Britannic people, a win they were sure was complete? Either way, Xena turned in the water and smiled, a cruel, wicked smile that would have sent shudders down the spine of everyone there if they hadn't already been shaking from the water's cold. 

They had thought they were safe. They had let their guards down. They would pay for that mistake. 

She wasn't worried as they approached, not anymore- the closer they got, the louder the sounds from inside the fort became, quieting their splashing as they approached the riverbanks, overwriting the sound of armor clanking and weapons accidentally smashing into each other as they dragged themselves free of the water. And Xena had been right- guards were light, and those few that were there seemed uninterested in their jobs, staring into the fort instead of out into the danger around it. 

It didn't take Xena long to scale the fifteen foot wall, a pair of hand knives her way up- she seemed almost excited by the challenge, the way she smiled when she asked everyone around for their blades. Reaching the top, for a moment there was silence, a flash of silver darting down the length of the wall, and before any of them could react down below, three bodies fell from the top of the wall and landed besides them. 

A rope followed after, Xena's face appearing over the side of the wall as she motioned for them to climb, and hurry. 

While the men who had come with them from Chin just nodded at Xena in thanks as they crested the wall, well aware of what she could do and how dangerous of an idea it was to cross her, Boadicea's men were awestruck, their eyes wide with fear and their mouths slack from wonder as, the moment they reached the top, they all glanced back down to the bodies that laid beneath them. Gabrielle was the last up, the rest of the party already splintering off into their groups; a few to go take out the rest of the guards, a few to go cause a disturbance, and a few by Xena's side, ready and waiting to go open the gates for the army. Taking Xena's hand to help pull her up the last few feet, Gabrielle leaned against the wall for a minute, pretending to be winded, as Xena whispered her last few orders to the men coming with her. Falling in with the rest of the pack, she took off after the rest of them, all of them silent as they kept to the shadows. Already the sound of people fighting could be heard, meaning their men were doing their job. No sound from the guards, at least not yet, something that could be either bad or good, depending. And they went unnoticed, sliding around tents and the half done buildings, keeping to the shadows and alleys, slowly, ever so slowly, making their way forward. 

Gabrielle broke off. It wasn't hard- Xena so focused on what was before them, so sure Gabrielle would be right behind her, she didn't even noticed when Gabrielle just stopped walking and slid into the most complete building, hiding in its empty hall. It wasn't tall, only three stories at most, but it was the tallest one there, and Gabrielle knew. Even Xena had known, had paused for a split second to stare at the building with a hateful gaze before waving them all on- if anywhere, this was where Caesar would be. 

It was surprisingly empty; no servants, no guards, just a dark, quiet building. Because of the festival, or whatever the Romans were celebrating, Gabrielle decided as she snuck deeper into the building, sliding her feet and her arms partly outstretched to avoid running into anything. It didn't take too long for her to find the stairs, solidly built even in what must have been semi-rushed construction conditions. Sliding her staff from her back, Gabrielle slowly, ever so slowly, began to walk up the stairs, ready to swing the moment she saw something. Nothing on the second floor, just another empty, barely furnished room, but the third...

A light. The sounds of footsteps. A shuffle of papers. The sounds of someone completely unaware of what was waiting for them just a few feet away. Supposedly. 

Her staff at the ready, Gabrielle leapt up those last few stairs, rolling into the room to avoid the sword swing that buried the blade into the wood of the door frame. Lashing out, she managed to catch her opponent across the shins with her staff, sending him stumbling back as he tried to avoid falling forward, right into her path. Grabbing the abandoned sword handle, she wrenched it from the wood and held it before her, the weapon a familiar yet strange weight in her hands from her last life, from when Xena had finally given in and trained her to use it, a weapon she hadn't used in a very long time. 

She pointed it at the enemy...and sighed as Brutus stared at her in amazement. 

"Where's Caesar?"

For a long moment he didn't respond, his head instead tilted to the side. Studying her, considering her, as if she was some sort of oddity he couldn't understand. Even when she pressed forward a bit, his own sword still raised and pointed directly at him, he said nothing. Only moved from where he had stumbled back to the table, where papers were scattered across the surface. Only when he had moved and taken a sip from his wineskin that he spoke. 

"He's gone," Brutus said with a shrug, as if the information was common knowledge. Which, to the Romans, it might have been. "He left weeks ago, back for Rome. The council wanted to see him, make him explain why he wasted so many Roman lives on such a pitiful rock. He won't be back for months, if ever. I am Marcus Junius Brutus, and since you seem to have my sword, would you like to take a seat?" He nodded at one of the few chairs that existed within the room, and only sighed when she shook her head in refusal. "Your choice." Leaning back against the desk, he looked her over once more, nodding. 

"You don't hail from Britannia, do you?" He didn't give her a chance to speak, instead shaking his head. "No, you're Greek, aren't you? Strange, for a random Greek woman to be this far west all by herself." As if realizing something, Brutus' eyes lit up- just as the sounds of fighting and Xena's chilling war cry rang through the night. "You're here with Xena, aren't you?" 

Gabrielle stiffened, and that was all the confirmation he needed. 

"Caesar told me about her," Brutus explained, nodding as if everything finally made sense. "He said she would come, and he was quite disappointed when she didn't show up while he was here. A pity; I know he was looking forward to pitting his wits against hers once more." 

Still she didn't reply, her gaze and hand steady as she watched him, waited for him to get to the point. 

"You know," he finally said into the near silence- only near, because the sounds of battle were growing louder, drunkenly slurred voices screaming for their weapons, only to turn into screams of pain as they were cut down. "You know who I am, but you’re still a mystery to me. Who're you?" 

"Why does it matter," Gabrielle asked, taking a few steps forward, raising the sword so it was pressed against his throat. Even though it wasn't Caesar, and Brutus had, overall, been an ally in bringing Caesar down, it was still because of him that she and Xena had ended up in that prison, had ended up on those crosses. It was because of him that Ephiny had died, even if in the other world she had taken his life in revenge for that crime. She didn't trust him as far as Xena couldn't throw him. And with him here, even his men in complete disarray, she didn’t trust him to let the win be that easy. 

"I would like a name to put with my captor," Brutus said with a shrug. "I'm sure the ransom note will be long winded and well written, they always are, but I'm curious as to who the ransom will be given to. You already have me," he pointed out with a shrug. "There's no harm in me knowing." 

"Gabrielle," she finally muttered after a few long moments, searching his face for any sign of something she could use. Any flinch, any sign of an idea, anything she could use against him. 

She saw it- a quick glance over her shoulder, a widening of the eyes in surprise, his gaze fixing back on her in an obvious attempt to hide what he had seen. All enough time for her to duck as the soldier that had come up behind her swung, his sword meeting the air where her head had been just a moment before. Rolling towards him, coming up on one knee, she lashed out with her staff, striking him quickly on the side with the one-handed blow, sending him stumbling to the ground. But he lashed out as he fell, his foot catching her in the side of her ribs, her staff clattering to the ground as she caught herself and struggled to breathe. 

It only took her a moment to recover, the glancing blow more of a surprise then actually painful, and as he rose she did as well, swinging the sword two handed so the flat met with the side of his skull, sending him sprawling to the ground, prone. Alive, the low moan told her before he went silent, occasionally twitching from the pain, but down. Down and with his sword on the other side of the room, Brutus rising from where he had dived for the weapon with it in his hands. 

She charged, sidestepping his first swing, raising her own sword just in time to block a blow from his own. Her eyes darted across him, looking for something she could use to her advantage- an injury, a weakness, an opening that would let her get inside his defenses. She wasn't a swords fighter, no; she had been trained, but had only ever used the sword once in actual battle, and never against someone as well trained as Brutus. She fought with her staff and sais and words and chakram, leaving the swordplay to Xena. She was enough against your average thug, but against a true swordman? She wouldn't last. So she searched for an opening, anything that would give her the advantage, let her win, even for a second, and-

And the sword clattered from her hand as Brutus twirled, the pommel of his sword hitting her wrist, the sharp pain enough to momentarily loosen her grip. She tried to turn with him, tried to pull off one of the moves that Xena had taught her, keeping him in her sight while she tried to regain her weapon, a complex move that included kicking the sword into the air without actually looking at it so she could avoid getting stabbed if he made the attempt. She turned, pivoting so he never once got behind her-

As her foot came down on her staff, the thick wooden pole rolling out from under her, sending her sprawling before him. 

"I'm surprised," Brutus said, panting, as he stood over her, sword ready for the kill. "I didn't think you would be that good. Xena must have trained you well. But not well enough." He breathed deeply, trying to regain control of himself, before letting out a long, slow sigh. "It's a shame I have to kill you," Brutus added. "I don't know why..." His words trailed off as he looked at her, _really_ looked at her, "but part of me thinks we could have been friends, in another life. At the very least, allies. And the rest of me will be glad to see you die." He shook his head, giving a little shrug as he shifted, leaning forward so they were closer. His sword pressed against her chest, right over her heart. 

"Before I forget," Brutus continued, his voice turning low, "Caesar said something to me before he left. Something I think I should share, since it's for you." Shifting his arm so the point was towards the side, the edge now pressed against her throat, Brutus whispered into Gabrielle's ear the last words Caesar had said to him. 

"Your changes mean nothing, playwright. You can't save her." 

"Watch me," Gabrielle growled, though she didn't expect an answer. She _couldn't_ expect an answer as Brutus coughed, a spray of red falling from his lips, splattering her cheeks and clothing in blood. He hovered there for a moment, teetering back and forward, wide, confused eyes turning to stare at the knife sticking out of his chest- the knife Gabrielle had pulled from her boot while Brutus had whispered his message into her ear. The knife she had flipped in her hand so the blade was facing towards him, the knife she had plunged into his chest the moment he had finished speaking; the knife she had used to commit her first kill of this life. 

He fell onto her, shaking, convulsing, blood spilling from the wound as he grasped at the knife and pulled, opening the hole for the world to see. He tried to return the favor, his hand shaking as he scrambled at the blade, but already he was too weak to hold it, too weak to use it as a weapon, too weak to do anything but claw at Gabrielle with ineffective, shaking hands. Hands Gabrielle easily pushed away as she squirmed her way out from under him, wincing as she did; he had landed on her hard, too quickly for her to move away, and she would have bruises soon enough. 

Glancing down, Gabrielle huffed as she saw the state she was in: her neck cut- not seriously, but it was enough- and bleeding from his sword jerking in pain, her top and stomach covered in Brutus' blood; she was a mess. Already a mess, it didn't matter then, did it? Kneeling besides Brutus, Gabrielle once more picked up her knife, playing with it between her fingers as she watched him. It would take a while for him to die, for his lungs to fill and for him to bleed out. A long, cruel death. 

Gabrielle was willing to kill, but she wasn't cruel. 

"I'll send Caesar soon enough." 

Grabbing his hair, she tilted back his head and ran her blade across his throat, barely wincing as the splatter of blood covered her more. It was quicker, kinder this way, she reminded herself as she let him drop, stepping away so the pool of blood wouldn't cover her shoes. Better this, a quicker death, than to sit here and wait. 

She paused for a moment, staring at the other Roman who laid at her feet- a young man, younger than herself, barely old enough to not be a child. She knelt down, one hand on his chest, the other on the pulse of his neck...nothing. He didn't breathe, didn't stir; he was gone as well. 

She stayed just long enough to get her staff, leaving the bodies behind.

The battle was over by the time she reached the main clearing- the Romans had been drunk, unprepared for an inside attack, and it had been easy for Xena and the others in the party to get the gates open. Once they had been, Boadicea's army had swept the fort, capturing or killing any Roman that stood in their way. Not many had died; she could tell that from the few bodies still laying on the ground, by the few bloody patches of dirt that marked where the dead had already been moved. Most, it seemed, had surrendered to Boadicea.

Men stared as she passed, their eyes wide as they took in the slit on her neck, the covering of gore that crusted her front, the red coated knife she carried loosely in her hand. A few scrambled out of her way, accusations of her being a ghost, a banshee, falling from their lips as she wandered through the fort, making her way towards the gates.

She barely glanced at them, barely heard their words, only just enough for them to register that they weren't a threat. They weren't her goal; they didn't matter. Not now, now when she had to get to Xena. Not when she had to see with her own eyes that Xena was ok, her faith in her mission shaken. 

Caesar knew. Caesar knew this world was a repeat, and even though he wasn't here, even though he was nowhere near, she had to see. Had to see that Xena was alright. 

So she ignored the men that stared, ignored the whispers and their half-heard prayers, because they weren't a threat. And if they were? She still gripped the knife tightly, still held it as she knew it had to be held, knew exactly where to stab to put an end to any who stood in her way. 

She followed the cheering, figuring that was where Xena and Boadicea and most of the army would be, celebrating their win, their largest victory over the Romans yet. The only victory many of them would have seen. She followed the cheers and the cries, slowly working her way through the roads of the fort, finally finding the gates. The gates and the clearing before it, filled with laughing, rejoicing soldiers she had just seen a few hours before, worrying about whether or not tonight was going to be the night they died. 

The same people who fell silent as she took her first step into the light. It started slowly, only those closest to her stopping, staring, falling silent and stepping out of her way as she emerged from the gloom. She knew what kind of sight she presented, and a small part of her regretting taking this moment from them when they needed it the most. But the rest of her didn't, couldn't care, because none of them were Xena. Slowly, as if realizing something was wrong, the crowd parted, the merriment and celebration slowly fading as Gabrielle made her way into the center of the throng. 

Where Xena, who had been talking just a moment before to Boadicea, caught sight of her. Caught sight of her and went pale, her eyes widening in panic as she took in Gabrielle's cut neck, the blood covering her front, and the knife in her red stained hands. 

" _Gabrielle!_ " 

Xena didn't wait for the men to move for her; she practically threw them from her path, knocking soldiers into each other as she slid into gaps between bystanders, though soon enough everyone realized what was going on and moved for her, afraid of the whirlwind of elbows and jabbing fingers that came upon those who stood in her way. Soon enough she stood before Gabrielle, her hands shaking as she reached out towards her. 

"Gabrielle?" Her voice trembled as she reached for her, her hand shaking as she gently, as if she was afraid her hand would pass right through her, cupped Gabrielle's cheek. 

"I'm alright, Xena," Gabrielle said, leaning into the touch. "I'm alive." 

"Who did this to you," Xena demanded, her hand reaching down to gently brush against the wound on her neck- a flesh wound, really, even if it did look nasty, something that would easily heal with just a little bit of time. But still, Xena's gaze darkened as she took it in, examining the wound, still a sliver of fear in her eyes as her gaze dropped to the rest of her, taking in the sight it all presented. 

A fearful sight right from her nightmares, Gabrielle was sure; Xena had made it clear that losing her was the worst thing that could happen. To see her covered in blood, with a wound that, had it been a slight bit deeper, could have easily been the source? No wonder Xena was shaking, no wonder she was furious, no wonder everything about her seemed ready to kill. 

"Brutus," Gabrielle said, giving a little shrug. "Caesar wasn't here; he left a long time ago." 

"Where is he," Xena demanded, seeming not to care about the rest of her statement, instead only focusing on the name she had been given. "Where is that rat bastard? I'll kill him, I'll-"

Gabrielle cut her off by pulling away, leaving Xena's hand hovering in the air- her shaking a bit more evident, without something warm and living to remind her that the sight before her was just an illusion, that Gabrielle was alive and fine. Instead of speaking, instead of giving an answer to that question, Gabrielle just held up the long, thin knife she had in her hand, all of the blade up to the hilt still dipped red. It took her a moment, her eyes looking between the knife and Gabrielle's face, but soon enough it hit. Soon enough she understood. 

Her face creased into something akin to pity as Xena held out her arms, trying to draw Gabrielle into a hug. Trying to hold her, to try and soothe away some of the pain she thought Gabrielle had to be feeling. 

She let her. Gabrielle heard the knife clatter to the ground as she stepped forward, her staff falling besides it as she stepped into Xena's embrace, her head coming to rest on Xena's chest as Xena held her. Held her as tightly as she could, whispered apologizes and promises that it would be ok sounding in her ear as Xena just held her. Held her as Gabrielle closed her eyes and listened, allowing herself, for a moment, to believe her words. 

Allowed herself to believe as, finally, the tears began to fall. Not for what she had done, no; Gabrielle had no regrets. But for what she had been, for what she had been able to pretend to be, and what she knew she had to become if she wanted to make sure Xena would survive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Updates might be a little bit slow for the forseeable future. I'm trying to figure out where the plot goes from here, and while I have some major things planned, I need to figure out how to jump to them, you know? But I am actively working on it, and will hopefully figure things out soon. Until then, please bear with me and enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

They stayed for another week. A week of celebration and excitement, of feasts and drinking and merriment- though nowhere near to the levels the Romans had been, everyone still on tense guard for any who might wish to do them harm. But still they celebrated, just glad for the first official win they could call their own. 

With Londinium theirs, fully stocked and easy to defend, Boadicea had already begun planning. It wouldn't take long to move her entire army into the safety of the city, finally forsaking the caverns for now. From the city, they would easily be able to begin sending out raiding parties, coordinating and organizing strikes that would slowly, over the course of many months, begin to drive out the Romans. There was still a long road ahead of them, but with the largest, best fortified fort now theirs, it would be possible. 

She tried to convince them to stay, offering Xena command of half the army- she had earned it, earned it and Boadicea's trust back, after so long of it missing. She had offered them a home, someplace not safe, no, nor an easy life to live, but one that would allow them to fight the Roman bastards, perhaps even with a greater chance at Caesar. While there was no guarantee, Boadicea was sure he would return, especially once he heard about the death of his friend. 

Xena disagreed. 

"He'll be angry," she pointed out that first night, after Boadicea had had the bodies removed from the commander's lodging and the blood as well washed from the wooden floors as was possible. Which it wasn't- still a large stain coated the floors from where the wood had absorbed his blood. A stain they all did their best to ignore, but still, Gabrielle could feel everyone's eyes flicker to her whenever they were first drawn to the stain. Even after she had cleaned up, changed into a spare set of clothing one of the women had been able to offer her while her own clothes were cleaned- a soft shirt, a long skirt, so close to what her mother used to wear, Gabrielle had almost felt young again- she knew what they were all imagining.

Already the kinder soldiers were beginning to hail her as Andarta, Andraste, different names for their goddesses of war and victory falling from their lips whenever they saw her. Because none of the others knew it wasn't her blood that had covered her, believing the illusion of her slit throat, but still she lived, and they had won without a single casualty of their own.

The more fearful named her Ankou, claiming their god of death had taken female form to walk among them, just bidding her time before she dragged them all into their graves. Because who else could walk away from death so easily? 

For those who did know, still they stared. Stared and wondered at the girl standing before them, wearing borrowed clothes as she stayed close to Xena's side, trying to figure out how she had managed to defeat Brutus, supposedly one of the Roman's greatest swordsmen, with only a nick. 

Even Xena seemed unable to focus entirely, her gaze constantly finding Gabrielle, constantly drifting to the bandages that had been wrapped around her throat, everything about her tensing with rage whenever she did. It was clear she wanted to fight something, do something to fix the fact that Gabrielle had gotten hurt, but there was no one to fight. The Romans had been locked away, awaiting interrogation, and the person Xena truly wanted to get her hands one was already dead, his body already moved to the giant pyre the soldiers had built for the dead Romans outside the city. 

But as if feeling Gabrielle's discomfort with the stares, Xena tried. 

"He'll be angry to have lost Londinium," Xena said again, drawing everyone's attention back toward her, "but Caesar will believe this to be Brutus' loss, not his own. As far as he'll see it, his destiny is to continue on to the rest of the world, and come back to Britannia when he has the council's favor again. Until then, it's safe to say he won't be back; there might be someone else, but not Caesar. As for Brutus..." She gave a little shrug. "To Caesar, alive he was a piece to be ransomed. Dead, at least we don't have a prisoner to bargain with."  

"It's too bad we don't," Boadicea said with a sigh, shaking her head. "I know you did what you had to do, girly," she continued, addressing Gabrielle, "but someone like him would have been worth his weight in dinars, or at the very least information. It's good the rat bastard's dead, but it's too bad his worth goes with him." 

All Gabrielle could do was shrug. She wasn't going to apologize, wasn't going to look ashamed of what she had done- she had done it to keep Xena safe, and her mission had been a success so far, even with its setbacks. Brutus' blood was on her hands, but she could live with that. 

"Oh well," Boadicea finally sighed, giving a small shrug of her own. "At least we have the city. And you two are sure you don't want to stay? It might not be Caesar, like you said, but there's sure to be a long line of Roman bastards that would look pretty wearing a souvenir from your chakram there, Xena." She nodded at the weapon hanging from Xena's belt, as if mentioning it would be enough to convince Xena to stay. 

Instead, Xena just glanced over at Gabrielle once again and shook her head, an understanding light on Boadicea's face, even if it was clear she disapproved of her response. 

"It's been a long time since Gabrielle and I were home," Xena replied verbally, making it clear to everyone else listening what her decision was. "It's time we paid some friends a visit." 

"Fine," Boadicea said, giving her head a little shake, though the small smile she gave Xena was real. She was annoyed at losing their help, but clearly she understood. "I would suggest you stay at least a few more days, until we can clear a path to the nearest port town. There'll be Romans crawling all over the countryside, and while I'm sure the two of you can handle yourselves, a few more days wouldn't hurt." 

Xena agreed, if slightly reluctantly, and so they stayed. Stayed for another week, taking part in the celebration that marked the beginning of the Roman's fall, at least in the minds of the soldiers. There was still much to do, much more to come, but the first battle they actually stood a chance at winning had been won. For most, that was enough.

For them, it was a chance to rest, for Gabrielle's wound to heal, and for them to avoid talking about everything going on their lives. 

Xena tried. By the gods, did she try, and try persistently. Despite these kinds of conversations- ones that were deep, that actually discussed their thoughts and feelings and fears- not being her forte, she tried. Tried to talk to Gabrielle about the fact that she had just killed someone, tried to offer comfort and support and love. Tried to bridge the gap currently between them, that Xena could feel, even if that wasn't Gabrielle's intention. 

Because she wasn't pulling away, not intentionally. No, Gabrielle was well aware of what Xena was trying to do, well aware of what her intentions were, and Gabrielle appreciated them, as much as she didn't need it. Xena thought her bothered by the blood that covered her hands, by the first life she had had to take; believed that was why Gabrielle often separated herself from everyone else, wasn't sleeping as much, was spending more and more of her time quiet. While part of that was true- she had a new name on her list, a new face that haunted her nightmares, as rare as said nightmares were, and while she didn't regret killing Brutus, she did regret that he had had to die in this life- for the most part it wasn't. 

She was already used to the kill, already knew what it felt like to have someones’ life end because of your own actions. In this life, she had just been waiting. Waiting for it to crumble, for the illusion of innocence she had been able to build for this life to shatter. Now that it had, she found herself unbothered by it, even if Xena believed otherwise. 

No, the explanation for her withdrawal, for her silence, was so much simpler: much like Boadicea, she was planning. 

_Callisto, the northern Amazons, the Vikings, and Japa._ Lao Ma had laid out right before her exactly what needed to be changed, what needed to be fixed, before Xena began to forgive herself of the worst of her sins. Everything else could come with time- those had been on a larger, less personal scale, fighting and killing and hurting people Xena never knew the names of. Those would have to be fixed with kindness and love, helping and protecting those who remained from those who wished to follow in Xena's former footsteps. Those would be sins that would hover for as long as they lived, unable to be fixed with a single action that would right the former wrong committed. 

But those four, those four Gabrielle could plan. She could manipulate, reorganize, use her knowledge of the future to ensure the best possible outcome came about. So, for that week, Gabrielle planned. 

They would go to Greece- she did miss home. She had tried to be better in this life, sending more letters and copies of her scrolls to Lila and her parents, keeping them in the loop of what was going on with her life better than she had last time. But even still, she had barely been able to receive a letter in return, her and Xena's movements never steady for long enough for one to reach them, and she was curious as to what was going on. A few days of rest with them would be nice. And she knew Xena missed Cyrene just as much as she missed her own family, so a few days in Amphipolis as well.  

A visit to the Amazons was also in order- while Ephiny was more than capable of ruling in her stead, Gabrielle couldn't help but worry. Ephiny had died at Brutus' hand, and while Brutus was dead, dead and turned to ash, she still couldn't help but worry. Would Brutus' death here be enough to push an early invasion into Greece, thus putting her friend and people in danger? Or would it delay it, Caesar unwilling to push forward without his biggest supporter? She wasn't sure, so she wanted to find out. A rest among the Amazons would be nice, and would be a great help to calming her fears. 

And Solan. She knew he was alright, knew, now, he would live happily among the centaurs, but still she wanted to see him. Wanted to confirm with her own eyes that he was alright, that he was safe and sound and no harm had come to him. She wanted her own sins to lift, and seeing him would do wonders to help with that. 

They would have to stay for a bit, at least until after the Persian invasion had been turned away, until after Tara had been set straight. They would end up in Rome, would face Caesar (though whether or not it was safe, Gabrielle had to wonder. Caesar knew, he would remember the last time they had been in Rome and its consequences, so Gabrielle wasn't sure. Perhaps some form of preventative measure, keeping them all safe? Something she would need to spend more time thinking about), and they would save the peace statue before it could be melted down and sold. Adventures that had gone well in their last lives, friends she was excited to remeet- it would be simple and easy, at least for a little while.    

But after Greece, they would go north. The Vikings would be the easiest of Xena's sins to confront and fix: Grindl would still be young, Grinhilda not yet so far gone as to try and use the ring again, both of them still contained within the caves and just waiting for something to change; it would, theoretically, be easy. Not simple, no- they would still have to convince Grinhilda to believe in herself, to refind the humanity she thought she had lost, to win back her previous form from the ring. They would have to root out the evil that had grown among the Valkyries, and they would have to return the ring to the Rhein Maidens. 

It would be hard, but she already knew. She already knew what they would have to do, what they would have to go through. And, perhaps, it could be done without losing more time. Without lost memories and sleeping spells and years spent waiting for a return unknown if it was going to come. 

It was, perhaps, the sin with the least number of variables. Not much would need it change; it would all just take place a couple decades earlier. It would be the easiest of the sins still to come. 

But after Greece. They were both tired, both ready for a short visit home, both ready for a chance to rest. 

By the time the week was up, Gabrielle was settled. With a plan in mind that at least addressed the near future, she was ready. Ready to leave Londinium, ready to face the future that stood before them, a future she had the knowledge and will to bend into a shape she saw fit. She was ready for what might come. 

And it showed. Her mind set, the future a plan laid out before her, it was easier to focus on the now. To slide her hand into Xena's and lean into her side, a movement that took Xena by surprise- after the first few days of Gabrielle shutting down any conversation she tried to start, Xena had let her be, just checking to make sure she ate and at least got a few hours of sleep. Unwilling to force Gabrielle to talk, she had thrown herself into helping Boadicea plan her takeover, her reacquisition of her home. But now she just smiled and tugged Gabrielle close, releasing Gabrielle's hand to wrap her own around her waist instead to hold her near. 

Held her near as they stood with Boadicea in the commander's room, a large fur rug covering the floor a few feet away, as they examined the map that would show the cleared route to the sea. 

"This is one of our biggest port cities," Boadicea explained, tracing the line with her finger. "If we can get and keep this route, we'll be able to bring food, weapons, men, everything we need to make sure we can survive and get back our home. We've cleared it out as much as we can, but I can't say how much longer it'll stay clear. It would do you good to leave soon." 

Xena said something- Gabrielle wasn't sure what, her gaze instead focused on the trail Boadicea had drawn for them to follow. A familiar trail that Gabrielle recognized, a trail that went by a crudely drawn square in a forest surrounded by hills. A square that she knew would be ruins, information she had gotten from Boadicea herself. 

Ruins that, now that they were going to be close, she had to see for herself. 

It didn't take long for them to set off; they were already packed. Gabrielle had been ready to go for a while, ready to go back home and rest. Their bags filled with some of the supplies the Romans had had, her clothes returned to her cleaned, knives- not her sais, for neither Boadicea’s army nor the Romans had anything like that, but still knives that, for now, worked well enough- tucked into her boots, she was ready. 

All they needed was to ready Argo, and they left with Boadicea's thanks, left heroes to her men. 

They both road; Xena wanted to cover as much ground as she could, always on high alert for any Romans that might show up. The faster they could get to the port city, the faster they could be free of this island, the better. But...

"Xena?" 

For a moment Gabrielle thought Xena hadn't heard her, not over the sound of Argo's hooves keeping up a steady canter, eating away at the miles. But, after a few moments, Xena pulled on the reigns, bringing her down to a trot- slow enough for them to hear each other, to have an actual conversation. Glancing over her shoulder, Xena raised her eyebrow in question, an answer to her call. 

"That temple, the one Boadicea said was destroyed? I want to go there." 

"Why," Xena asked, turning back to stare into the forest before them. It was getting towards noon- they had been traveling for a while, having left at early dawn. They would need to stop soon, give Argo a break; she wasn't used to traveling with two, and while she had yet to falter, her breathing had become hard. Her head turned slightly to stare into each new part of forest, searching for a good place to stop. "I thought you were glad it had been destroyed?" 

"I need to see for myself. Xena, I... I just need to see it." 

"A vision," Xena asked, once again falling into their normal dance and game, Xena trying to figure out what Gabrielle knew without having to press too hard for the future. 

"A dream." And perhaps it was the sheer relief in her voice, but Xena, soon after, pulled Argo to a stop. Without a word she slid off the horse and held out her arms, a gesture Gabrielle accepted- she slid off the saddle into Xena's arms, resting her head on Xena's chest as Xena's arms folded around her, held her close. 

"Gabrielle..." Xena said slowly, her one hand coming up to run her fingers through Gabrielle's hair. She stayed quiet for a long moment- and Gabrielle knew exactly what she wanted to say. Knew she wanted to broach the perceived gap between them, wanted to mend the supposed wound she felt had formed. 

Gabrielle instead lifted her head and kissed her, a long, slow kiss that left them both breathless. 

"I'm alright, Xena," Gabrielle said, laying her head back on Xena's chest, Xena's fingers once again running through her hair. "Killing Brutus shook me, but..." She let the words trail off, taking a deep, almost shuttering breath before continuing. "My visions told me I would do so. I've always know that's where our paths would meet, and I accepted the consequences of our lives together a long time ago." 

She didn't tell Xena that yes, in her “vision” she had killed Brutus, but she had killed him what would have technically been years from now. That she had killed him not here, in a room in Britannia, but instead far from here, on a ship in Egypt. That she had killed him after he had killed Ephiny, after he had helped to destroy Caesar, after he had decided to continue to expand Rome beyond Rome's borders, making him a threat. 

That world was over, so what was the point? 

Instead she just held Xena closer, because right now Xena was alive, and that was good enough. 

"I've been thinking about the future," Gabrielle eventually said into the silence around them. "About where we should go next. We should go home for a while. To see our families, the Amazons. Then maybe we can go north. I've heard about lights, rainbows that dance in the sky. Could we go see them, after we go home?" 

For a moment Xena stiffened- and for a moment Gabrielle felt guilty about her trickery, knowing exactly what was running through Xena's mind. But a moment later she relaxed, the hand that had been running through Gabrielle's hair stilling, instead just pressing Gabrielle closer. 

"Of course," Xena said, bending down to place a kiss on the top of Gabrielle's head. "Of course. Anything." 

They continued to stand there for a long moment, holding and being held, until Argo reminded them of her existence, nickering and nudging them. She wanted to move on, move on or officially rest, neither of which could be done just standing there. 

Xena kissed her one last time before they climbed back into the saddle, once again setting off at a steady canter.

For two days they traveled, constantly on watch for any who posed them harm, sleeping in shifts for nowhere near long enough, traveling as fast as they could push Argo without harming her. They didn't talk much- there weren't many words they needed to say. Little conversations that filled those few empty hours- about the north, about what of Gabrielle's visions she wanted to share, about how glad they both would be to be home. But nothing too deep- they were saving those for when they were safe, when they were home. 

For two days. And at the end of the second day, they camped just a half mile away from the temple. 

"We'll go in the morning," Xena promised as they settled in. It had already been dark by the time they found the clearing, and while it was close, Xena didn't want to take any chances. There could be any number of dangers waiting, and she waited to approach it in the light. "Are you sure you want first watch?"

Gabrielle just nodded. She nodded, didn't say a word, and the moment Xena slipped into sleep, slipped away. 

It was just like Boadicea said- rubble scattered the ground, only the slightest impressions of a foundation left. Everywhere she stepped, stone and mortar shifted under her feet, crunching slightly as she tried to avoid the worst of it, avoid cutting her skin or tearing her clothes on the sharp edges that jutted from the ground. There was just enough light- the destruction of the temple had cleared the surrounding area as well, trees torn out and bushes removed, leaving the arena open, nothing to block the quarter moon above her. 

The stairs were still there, cracked but stable as she climbed them. Climbed them into the open area that had once been walled, into the arena that had once been the temple of Dahok. Pillars had been toppled, creating new corridors for her wander, but it wasn't enough. Wasn't enough to change the place that had haunted her nightmares for so long, that had tortured her for so many years. That had spilled into her waking moments back in that other life, that had turned her life into hell. 

It only took a few moments longer to reach what had once been the center. To reach that larger inner room, where, in her last life, everything had fallen apart. 

It was gone. A mallet had been taken to the alter, scattering shards across the floor, leaving nothing but powder, few pieces large enough to truly understand what it had once been. The alter she had found herself sacrificed upon was gone. 

She wasn't sure when she fell, nor was she sure how long she just knelt there, staring at the destruction that had been wrought around her. Stared in the silvery light, her fingers almost mechanically playing with the dust, just watching. She didn't think- she couldn't find the words, even within her own mind. She just sat there and stared, absorbing the absence of evil that had once permeated this place.   

It was almost beautiful. 

Gabrielle started as something skittered behind her- some creature that had come to call the destruction home. She wasn't sure what it was; even though she had turned at the first hint of noise, it had quickly hidden behind one of the pillars, leaving only an impression of something unfamiliar in the almost impossibly quick glimpse she had caught. Wiping her cheeks- when had they become wet? When she had started to cry?- Gabrielle pushed herself to her feet, shaking away whatever spell the loss of this place had cast over her. The moon was high- Xena would be awake soon, expecting to take over for her watch. She would have to get back before she did. 

Gabrielle stood- and paused as something caught her eye. Even though the alter itself was gone, still the raised platform it had once stood upon was there, ever so slightly obscuring the other side. Where something was. 

Gabrielle stepped forward, her head tilted ever so slightly to the side as she peered around the dais-

And froze as the skittering sounded behind her, close this time. Froze as she stared at the skeletal hand that laid on the ground before her, a skeletal corpse wearing an outfit- blue, even in the moonlight, even partly decayed and dyed with blood, still parts of it were blue, held together on the corpse with the golden rope wrapped around her- an outfit she remembered so so well. 

Froze as a soft, rasping voice whispered "Hello, Mother."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry this took so long to get out. I’ve been hanging out with my friends a lot recently (bless work schedules finally matching up for the first time in forever), which has been cutting into my writing time. Plus, still trying to decide on whether or not I want to pursue a specific plot path. So sorry again. But I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Her knives were out before the final syllable sounded, Gabrielle turning on her heels to face the source of the voice behind her. But there was nothing there- once again, the skittering as whatever had spoken retreated back into the shadows, drawing away from the light in the center of the room. Skittering that continued as that voice, as the voice that had haunted her dreams, as _Hope's_ voice continued to speak.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to come for me, Mother. And now you're here."

"You're not mine," Gabrielle growled, turning as she followed the sound, her eyes stinging as she tried to peer into the darkness, tried to pull apart the shadow of darkness from the shadow of whatever thing spoke to her now. "Not in this life. I'm _not_ your mother."

"Oh, but you are," Hope practically purred- and her voice sounded off. At first it had been hidden, Gabrielle's shock at hearing her at all masking the way Hope's voice was strange. Wasn't completely human, her sentences ending in an almost chittering, her words ever so slightly slurred. "The gods remember, Mother. And Father granted me his memories, allowed me to remember who I had once been. Who you were. How you had betrayed me."

Gabrielle cried out- a burning across her back as something sharp bit into her, the familiar feeling of blood trickling down her back as skin and muscle parted. It wasn't deep; she turned with the blow, just catching the slightest of blurs as Hope once again moved out of sight, and the movement told her it was painful but not fatal. She stared into the night, into the darkened hollows the torn down temple had created, and found nothing.

She turned as the skittering sounded off to her left, but Gabrielle knew by the time she looked, Hope would have already moved. She was something else, something beyond what she had been in the last life, and to her? To her this was a game.

"Father told me everything, how you and your precious little harlot murdered me and my son," Hope said, her voice angry, the slurring words and chittering becoming more pronounced as she spoke. "How you betrayed us, Mother."

"I'm _not_ your mother," Gabrielle said again, this time rolling to the side just as Hope lunged. Whatever Hope was using to attack sailed over her head, when if Gabrielle had stood still it would have sunk into her shoulder. But still Hope was too fast, darting back into the darkness before Gabrielle could right herself enough to see what she was. "You were never my child, Hope," Gabrielle said into the darkness, her head turning, ears listening, reaching for the meaning behind each sound that confronted her. "I believed you were, once, and that's haunted me ever since. But Xena was right- you're nothing but a monster."

Silence. No skittering, no chittering, just pure, quiet silence.

Until Hope started to laugh- a sound that had the hairs on Gabrielle's neck and arms standing straight. It wasn't human, it was clearly laughter but nothing like the laughter a human made, instead distorted and turned. A movement- Gabrielle twirled on the tips of her toes, her knives held at the ready, watching as, with normal, human speed, a shadow moved within the darkness before her.

"You thought me a monster before," Hope asked, pausing just at the edge of the darkness. "You haven't seen me a monster yet." With that she stepped into the light.

It took everything Gabrielle had not to be sick, her stomach rolling at the sight of the creature before her. The familiar- because still that creature wore her face, what parts of it it could- and the strange, mixed crudely together into a monstrosity far worse than her dreams ever could have imagine.

Human mixed with insect, flesh shifting into smooth, hard exoskeleton, the transition in between rolling with pus and sores as the two sides of her tried to coexist and found each other lacking. Her lipless mouth was stretched, the two edges protruding in mock mandibles, fleshy and pale even as they clicked together, like someone snapping their fingers but harsher, harder. Her limbs- part flesh and part shell, uneven and making her almost hunched, lopsided, even as they moved with seemingly god-like efficiency- ended in claws, her fingers merging together into one, sharp weapon, one of which still dripped with her blood. Sparse patches of hair covered her head, thick and full where patches of skin were healthy enough to contain it, bare where shell reigned, small, diseased tuffs where the two halves tried to merge.  

But it was her eyes that caught and held Gabrielle- one green, familiar, one she saw whenever she stared into a mirror or a pool of water. The other black, bulbous, barely held within her eye socket. Both stared at her with pure, unadulterated hatred as she stood proudly within the light.

"Now do you see how much of a monster I am, Mother," Hope asked- and watching her talk was what did it, Gabrielle turning away from Hope as her meal met the floor, splattering through the dust and rubble and leaving Gabrielle's mouth burning. "In that other world," Hope continued, her head tilting from side to side so she could stare at Gabrielle out of both eyes, "I was just a little girl, following the path laid out by the only parent to ever love me. But now..." She waved one clawed hand towards herself and shrugged, a horrible, twisted movement that almost had Gabrielle retching once again.

"What happened to you, Hope?" Even though every fiber of her being screamed at her to charge, to drive her knives into the creature before her, Gabrielle had to know. Part of her, no matter how hard she had tried to tamp that part down, no matter how many hours she had spent pointing out the facts, reliving the lies, accepting the truth for what it was and realizing she had been used as a host for a creature- part of her still remembered the child, the newborn she had held to her breasts for one single day before fate had seen them part. Part of her still remembered the pain, still remembered the love, as misplaced as it had been, and part of her still looked at the creature before her, the monster standing bathed in the moonlight in the ruins of her father's temple, and remembered her child. So she had to know. "Why are you...?"

"You were pure," Hope said, glancing towards the long since dried out corpse that laid on the other side of the remains of the dais. "You were pure of heart, tricked into your first kill, so I fed off that purity and created my form. Meridian, when you never showed, willingly murdered so I could come into being. She had already accepted Father into her heart, happily held the darkness within, welcomed me with open arms..." Her voice trailing off into the chittering, Hope moved- fast, faster than Gabrielle would have thought possible had she not experienced it before, moving to the other side of the dais before Gabrielle could even begin to turn.

Leaning down, Hope's claw cut through the desiccated corpse, slicing off a finger. Impaling it on the tip of her claw, she brought it to her mouth, her fleshy mandibles slowly feeding it into her hole, where misshapen, twisted teeth ground and an almost proboscis-like tongue helped her swallow.

"Meridian's intent, her impurities, combined with the fact that Father's temple had been desecrated, the ceremony rushed?" Hope kept her voice light as she finished her snack, turning her gaze once more back towards Gabrielle. "It's a miracle I'm even human at all. I should have taken much more after Father. But his memories of you- of how _sweet_ you were on his alter- let me keep my true form, at least in part. And when she tried to claim me,” Hope added almost as an afterthought, “I killed her. Made myself stay yours, Mother." Hope smiled- a gruesome sight- and took a step forward, only to pause as Gabrielle's knives rose, leveling at her chest.

"You're not mine," Gabrielle said one final time, "and you never were."

She let out a cry as she lunged forward, dropping to her knees as Hope swiped upwards, carving the air with her claw. Sliding forward, ignoring the dust and dirt scraping her skin, Gabrielle sunk her dagger deep into Hope's thigh, gagging as the smell of rotten blood filled her nose as black, almost pus-like liquid began to seep from the wound. Jerking back her blade, rolling away as Hope let out a roar and brought both of her claws down where Gabrielle had once been, she quickly scrambled to her feet, beginning to circle the creature that called her kin.

"You can't kill me, Mother," Hope spat, turning to keep Gabrielle in her line of sight as Gabrielle circled around her, her claws raised, her weight shifted to one side as she tried to avoid the wound in her thigh. "I'm too old for poison, and there's no grandson for you to manipulate this time. You can hurt me," she admitted, glancing down for a quick second at the seeping gash, "but this fight will only end in your death."

No answer prepared- what did she have to say, except that she had accepted her own death a long time ago?- Gabrielle readied herself to spring, her knives held tight, ready to drive them into Hope's chest, her throat, her face, anything that would bring an end to the monster that stood before her and-

" _Gabrielle_!"

Xena's voice froze them both, neither of their gazes leaving the other, neither daring to move. Gabrielle hoping that Xena would turn, would look for her somewhere else, would leave them to finish this fight without her. Because Gabrielle was determined to die if that was what it took to make sure Hope never left this place, and that was a goal easier reached if she didn't have to worry about Xena trying to stop her.

And Hope out of fear; the first emotion other than anger that had crossed Hope's face. She was afraid of Xena, terrified of her, that clear in the gaze that Hope kept trained upon her.

Even though she wanted to do the exact opposite, Gabrielle responded.

" _Xena_! Over here, in the temple!"

"I'm going to make you pay, Mother," Hope hissed as she tried to retreat, Gabrielle sticking close, lashing out with her knives. She only hit once, scoring a long line down the length of Hope's arm- the rest were misses as Hope dodged, her body a blur as she avoided Gabrielle's attacks. Finally twisting, managing to get behind Gabrielle and land a kick to the back of her knees, bringing her down, Hope snarled an almost smile as she stood above Gabrielle, staring down at her as Gabrielle turned on the floor to face her. "I'm going to destroy everything you love, everything you hold dear, show you just how useless your changes are. Starting with your whore’s little son."

" _Get away from her_!"

Hope shrieked as the chakram buried itself into her side, her claw hooking into the circle and drawing it out, splattering Gabrielle’s face with more of her thick, foul smelling blood. Throwing it back towards Xena- who caught it, ignoring the covering of black- Hope darted off into the darkness, screeching her pain and anger into the sky above.

"Gabrielle," Xena said, hurrying to her side. Bending down, Xena pulled Gabrielle's hand away from her face, using her own fingers to wipe away the crap that covered her sight. Only for Gabrielle to push her away, pointing in the direction Hope had taken off in, her own hand scrambling at the burning on her face as she tried to clear Hope’s blood from her eyes.

"Xena, go after her," Gabrielle ordered, pushing Xena away, trying and failing to push herself to her feet, her blurred sight and her cut back protesting the movements. "We need to find her, kill her, make sure she doesn't escape. We need to-"

"Gabrielle," Xena said, her voice loud, protesting, "you're hurt and can barely see. We need to tend to your-"

"She's going to _kill Solan_."

Xena didn't say a word- Gabrielle wouldn't have known she had left if it wasn't for the sudden lack of presence, Xena's warmth gone as she took off after Hope. Ripping off her shirt, Gabrielle scrubbed at her face- rather a ruined piece of cloth than ruined eyes. Already they were beginning to clear, tears falling down her cheeks as Hope's blood made them water and burn, but already her sight was returning. Blurred, painful, the light of the moon even too much, far too strong with her eyes this weakened. But slowly it passed, the blurred shapes becoming sharper, the image growing clearer, until eventually all that remained was a slight sting whenever she blinked.

Pulling back on her shirt, wincing at the sticky coating that bound the fabric to her skin, Gabrielle pushed herself to her feet, gathering her knives as she found them- she had dropped them when she had fallen, her hands instinctively throwing out to catch herself as she fell. Each step hurt- her knees were bloody, bits of dust and grit ground into the wounds, the gash in her back throbbing with every move she made.

But none of that mattered. Because even though she had done everything possible to make sure the future was safe, to make sure their lives were secure, Hope still existed.

Hope had to be stopped.

By the time she could fully see, by the time she could begin to hunt down Hope, put an end to her right here and now, Xena had already returned, her face grim. They didn't need to speak- Xena had lost the trail. Whether because Hope took to the trees or used her power to escape, Gabrielle wasn't sure. Couldn't be sure, not without having been there to track her herself, and by now the trail would have long since gone cold.

And even if it had been warm, as Gabrielle tried to turn and lead the way out of the temple she fell, her head spinning as everything, the lack of sleep, the slow but steady loss of blood, the shock that Hope was real, was here, that she still existed within their realm and still posed a threat- it all caught up to her. She was shaking as Xena helped her to her feet, as they both made their way back towards their camp.

They didn't say anything, not until a pot of water was boiling, until Gabrielle had been stripped of her clothes and laid out on the bedroll on her stomach, Xena tending to her back. A poultice spread over the wound, thread and needle at the ready once the water had finished boiling and Xena could wipe her clean- that was when Xena finally spoke.

"Gabrielle," Xena said as she dipped a cloth into the boiling water, wincing as the steam burned her fingers, "what was that thing?"

"My daughter."

Gabrielle felt more than heard the pot knocking over, the sudden smell of wet burning wood and Xena cursing as she tried to avoid the boiling water and kick the pot from the flames telling her what had happened. Pushing herself upwards, putting her weight on her elbows so she could look at Xena, Gabrielle looked up and met her gaze- the confusion, the anger, the disbelief that warred across Xena's face as she just stared at her. Stared at her and tried to make sense of what Gabrielle was saying, what she meant, how in all the worlds that _thing_ could be her kin.

"Let me get another pot of water," Xena finally said, "and then you have a story to tell."

So Gabrielle did. When Xena returned from the river, when she had boiled the water and begun washing the dried blood and herbs and dirt from Gabrielle's back, cleaning her skin for the stitches she would need (the second time Xena had had to stitch her back back together, something Gabrielle knew she would have to watch out for in the future), Gabrielle began to speak.

Speak about the first time they had come to Britannia, Krafstar by their side. Told her about their capture, about their dealings with Caesar, about the coming war that had so consumed Xena's mind. About the kindness Krafstar had shown her, about the message he had whispered in her ear, about the promise of good that could be done if their god was to rule. About his offer to keep her safe, about his companions, who had welcomes her into their fold.

About the murder, about the alter, about the fire that had seared her inside and out, leaving her hollowed yet filled, a seed neither of them had known about until it was too late, until the child was already grown and born and held in her arms. About Xena's decree that it needed to die, about her lie to protect the child she had thought innocent.

About Hope's growth, Callisto's involvements, Solan's death. About their hatred and Illusia. About the fire pit that had almost made them both burn.

As Xena tended to her back, slowly stitching the wound back together (occasionally pausing, her hands freezing as she listened to Gabrielle’s tale, only just controlling her emotions long enough, after a few moments, to continue), Gabrielle told her everything. Because that had been their downfall in their last lives, lies that had separated them, kept them apart, made it so hatred could grow and build and twist them into people they weren't. This was no time for lies, no times for hidden truths- while tonight they were delayed, her injuries holding them up, tomorrow they needed to get going. Get on a ship, head towards the centaurs, make sure Solan was alive and safe and well, protect him from Hope until they could find a way to defeat her. She was scared of Xena, that was clear- perhaps Xena would be her downfall, in this life.

So Gabrielle told her everything as Xena worked, her words occasionally hissed through gritted teeth as Xena sewed her skin shut and bandaged the wounds, but still through the pain, she told her everything. Almost.

She still told her it all under the guise of a vision, because there wasn't time right now. Not to explain the fact that their entire world was a repeat, a second chance to save her. There wasn't time to go through their entire lives, only this little bit to make sure Xena understood what was going on, who Hope was, why they needed to hunt her down and make sure she never saw another day.

But by the _gods_ , she was tired. Tired of living this lie, this series of truths all wrapped up in a pretty little bow to make it easier to explain, easier for Xena to accept. Tired of being scared of explaining, tired of worrying that Xena would look at her like she was insane, tired of Xena possibly rethinking and doubting their entire lives so far. She was tired of trying to change the world alone.

So she made the decision then, when Solan was safe, when they had time to sit and talk, she would tell Xena then. Tell her everything, and hope that Xena trusted her enough to lead them to a different, better future.

But for the night she told Xena what she needed to know under a guise as Xena worked, and shrugged her way through the questions her story brought.

“Why does it still claim you as mother,” Xena finally asked when the last stitch had been placed, as she helped Gabrielle to sit up so she could wrap bandages around her torso to keep the wound clean. “Someone else took your place.”

“The gods remember how the world was supposed to be,” Gabrielle explained, everything about her, even her voice, tired. “The Fates remember, just like I do. And Dahok is more powerful than the gods, than any of them. For some reason he chose me to bring her into the world-“

“And when we went to Chin instead,” Xena cut in, “he made do with someone else.”

“But he still wanted me,” Gabrielle continued, ignoring the tone of Xena’s voice- hard, just hiding a layer of fury beneath it. Whether Xena was angry at her or what Dahok had done in the past or the world at large, Gabrielle wasn’t sure. But either way she was too tired to deal with Xena’s emotions on top of her own. “He gave Hope his memories of the world before we changed it, and so she still claims me. And blames me for everything I did. Or was going to do,” she added, her mouth twisting in a humorless smile. “Blames me for killing her, when I finally accepted that my daughter had to die.”

“She’s not your daughter,” Xena said, almost viciously, as if her words could fight her battle for her. But after that she fell silent, her hands continuing to wrap the bandages around Gabrielle, shifting them every once in a while to make sure her back was entirely covered. “Gabrielle…” Xena finally said, her words slow. “About what you told me, about what happened between us in your vision…”

“The result of lies and hatred we allowed to grow,” Gabrielle said, fighting against the urge to shrug and pull on her stitches. Instead she turned to look over her shoulder, forcing a small smile as she met Xena’s gaze. “Something I’m trying to change, Xena. This time, Solan will live. And all that’ll be left are my memories of us losing him.”

“Do you have a lot of memories like that,” Xena asked, one hand pausing in its task to reach up, one finger gently brushing against Gabrielle’s temple. “Memories of lives not lived, of choices we changed to create something new?”

“More than you can imagine,” Gabrielle said softly, her voice almost a whisper as she leaned into Xena’s touch, allowing her eyes to close. “And many more I’m hoping will turn that way.” Turning her head, she placed a kiss onto Xena’s palm, sighing as Xena’s thumb wiped away the tear that fell. “When we’ve defeated Hope,” Gabrielle finally said into the silence that had fallen between them, “I want to tell you everything, Xena. About the future, the past that we’ve changed, the way the present has shifted- you deserve to know it all,” she finished, opening her eyes and returning Xena’s gaze. “Just like I do, you deserve to know.”

Know that this was their second time, at least for her, falling in love. Know that they were soulmates, know about the trials and changes waiting for them, know about the lives they had once lived. Know about Callisto and Eve and yes, even Japa; Xena had the right to know. To know and make her own choices, not just live off her word that things were changing for the better.

Gabrielle was going to make sure she lived- there were no questions about that. Whatever she had to do to insure Xena survived whatever may come, she would do it. But Xena deserved at least somewhat of a choice, some say in the future they were to live together, even if only in part.

So Gabrielle would tell her. And, together, they would face the future to come.

But after Hope was dead.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Shhhhh, I know distance and travel times were a real thing and in reality it would be a little over a month for the same travel time, but shhhhh. Xena bends the laws of physic all the time, she can bend the laws of geography as well. Also, sorry for the short chapter. I’m dealing with Irma, and kept getting distracted I’m not sure if I’ll lose power or not (hopefully no), but if I do and I don’t update for a while, that’s why. I hope you guys enjoy this for what it is!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

They didn't stay long. The moment Gabrielle's wounds were treated Xena broke down camp, her movements quick and efficient as she packed. She only paused every few moments to glare at Gabrielle when she tried to help, just silently pointing back towards the single bedroll she was leaving untouched, the command clear in her movements.  


Gabrielle gave in and laid back down, allowing her eyes to slide shut for the little while Xena worked. When Xena was finally done, everything packed and once again on Argo, the fire a smoldering pile of ashes, she gently woke her and helped her up into the saddle, sitting in front so Xena's arms could wrap around Gabrielle's waist. Tying the last of their things on, Xena mounted up behind her, carefully turning Argo towards the clear path that would take them to the port city, thankful for the moon that lit their way. 

"Try and get some sleep if you can, Gabrielle," Xena said, one hand pressing against Gabrielle's temple until Gabrielle's head laid on her shoulder, an almost pillow if not for the armor. "We have a long few days ahead of us." 

Gabrielle didn't respond- even as Xena pushed Argo forward, pushing her as fast as she dared to in the night on the dirt road, the passage bumpy and uneven, Gabrielle still fell asleep. Uneasy, disturbed with half formed nightmares that were terrifying in their familiarity, but still sleep nonetheless. 

It was the last official sleep she got, neither she nor Xena willing to stop for more than absolutely necessary. To eat, to check and change her bandages- the longest rests were so Argo could sleep, when her steps became stumbling and her breathing faltering, only continuing to push herself when Xena whispered into her ear, asking for another few miles, another few minutes, until they reached the next clearing or stream. Please, girl, just a little bit more...

And while Argo slept, after she had polished off whatever food the clearing and Xena could offer, still they didn't sleep. Instead they talked, going over everything Xena needed to know about Hope to destroy her. To make sure, once she was dead, that she could never return. 

No fire- her father's element was fire, and while the flames would destroy her, she would only return from the ash. She was scared of Xena- why, Gabrielle couldn't be sure, but she was. There was no reason, for in the last world Hope had been protected by Ares' request of the Fates, and Hope had known that for Xena to kill her would mean her own death. Perhaps because this world had no promise, had no Ares to insure she would be safe, the god remaining absent this life? Gabrielle wasn't sure, but it was a fact she knew, so she told it to Xena. 

She told her everything she knew about Dahok, about his followers, about the Priest of the Blood and the Priest of the Flesh, about the Destroyers Hope would bear into the world. About the destruction to come and the hell this world would live through if they failed. Gabrielle spend those few short hours while Argo rested to tell Xena everything she knew. 

All while Xena listened intently, the dark circles growing darker under her eyes with each passing day but remaining unnoticed as Xena listened and prepared. 

They took turns dozing in the saddle while Argo ran, light little naps that kept them awake enough to continue on, to push forward towards the port city. There, it would be at least a week on a boat to get them to Greece- they could catch up on their rest then, recover from the push this last flight from Britannia was costing them. Luckily the road remained clear- while they came across evidence of Romans, none tried to fight them, and the remains of camps they found were old, hurriedly broken down so the troops that had rested in them could move on. Whatever Boadicea was doing to keep the roads clear for them, it was working. 

For a week they traveled like this, pushing and pushing and pushing- much like they had when they had had Eve, Gabrielle realized in a hazy blur as she controlled Argo, Xena's forehead pressed against her shoulder as she took a snort nap. Much like they had when the gods had tried to kill their child, forcing them to flee as quickly as the world could allow.  

For a moment she was confused- where was Eve? Why were they on a single horse, where was their child?- until with a shake of her head she remembered, the solidarity moment of panic enough to drive out the exhaustion weighing on her mind and limbs, bringing her back to reality. A reality that stank of fish and the sea as Argo climbed to the top of the final hill that overlooked the city they had been heading towards. 

It was quiet, calm and peaceful- beautiful in its own way. A simplicity that hung over the town, creating an illusion of a safe harbor for travelers, those by land and sea alike, until the next stage of their journey. It was their return home, the rest that could only be offered by a ship at this point, and seeing it, Gabrielle, as much as she hated the sea, couldn't say it wasn't loved. 

Xena stirred after a moment, blinking away the sleep, wincing as she sat up- it was the only position that worked, hunched over to use Gabrielle as a pillow, but it always left her sore after. Rolling her shoulders to work out whatever kink had grown there, one hand leaving where it had rested on Gabrielle's hip to wipe the sleep from her eyes, Xena stared out over the city as well, though it was a different prize her eyes were searching for. Nodding, she pointed off to the right, where the larger ships were waiting. 

"There,” she said, pointing towards the largest of the ships, its masts tall and proud. “A Thessalonian trading ship. They’re sure to stop by Athens, and we can disembark there. From there it’s only a few days to the centaur village.” Without waiting for Gabrielle to reply Xena reached around her and took the reins, kicking Argo into a slow, steady trod- they would be hard pressed to have her do more at this point, she was so exhausted. Her head low, her steps trodden; it was only her love for them that kept Argo from bucking them off and refusing to stay with them, a love Gabrielle was grateful for. 

It didn’t take long before they reached the city proper, the sun still in the process of actually rising as they stumbled in. Immediately Xena slid off of Argo, reaching up to help Gabrielle down to her feet- while her wound had avoided infection, it still wasn’t healing, the gash still long and large down her back, leaving her aching and sore and only partly able to function on her own. A worrisome development, though Xena tried to deny it. Whenever she changed the bandage, she pointed out that the lack of sleep could delay healing, smearing a new layer of poultice over the wound before rewrapping it, firmly trying to believe her own lie. 

Gabrielle was sure it had something to do with Hope. The monster couldn’t leave a mark on her like she had in the last life, so she had found some other way to do so. 

“Go get us some supplies while I go talk to the captain,” Xena ordered, glancing over towards the little market that was just starting to open up, stall vendors appearing in a sleepy haze to begin peddling their wares. “And get Argo something nice.” She gave the horse a quick pat, leaning up to whisper something in Argo’s ear. When Argo neighed in response, shaking her head, Xena gave a small, soft smile before turning towards the docks, heading directly towards the boat she had pointed out before. 

It didn’t take long to restock their supplies, most of the merchants eager for a sale (even with one as haggled as she made it), with the few who put up too much of a fuss quickly folding under her glare, none of them willing to fight against the clearly exhausted, clearly dangerous woman standing before them. One even threw in an extra apple for free, the man almost shaking in his boots, a treat she quickly passed off to Argo, who ate it gratefully, nuzzling her shoulder in thanks when she was done. 

That task finished, Gabrielle couldn’t help but begin to wander, the strange city familiar from her memories. 

The inn Xena had settled her while she went to get safe passage for them both, where the kindly inn keep had kept her well stocked with food without a complaint. The pier she had clambered onto after the inn had been burned, where a mob had waited. In the distance, just back where they had come, the forest where the Knights lived. 

Part of her wondered if they were still there. If they knew about Hope this time, if they had tried to kill her, if the one who had died at Hope’s hands before still lived, or if some other fate had taken him. Part of her was curious, almost curious enough to suggest, when she found Xena, that they go check. See who was there, what help they might be able to offer, any resources they might be able to pass on to them. 

Instead she shook her head and put the thought out of her mind. The knights had proven almost useless last time in fighting the banshees- how would they help with Hope. And besides, going to check out a ruin from her previous past was why they were in this mess. No need to keep tempting the Fates when she didn’t need to. 

She found Xena just as she was finishing haggling with the captain, their handshake firm and strong as they happily accepted the terms they had reached. Glancing towards the ship, Gabrielle tilted her head to the side in question, handing off the reins to Xena so she could take control of Argo. 

“Come on,” Xena said with a small, tired smile, jerking her own head towards the gangplank. “I ended up knowing the captain. He owed me a couple of favors. Got us a private cabin, and a stall for Argo below deck.” Together the three of them boarded the ship, a young boy, barely fifteen by the look of him, hurrying over to take the reins from Xena. 

“Take good care of her, you hear,” Xena said, her voice taking on that sharpness that had the boy straightening, a flicker of something in his eyes as he nodded. Reaching into their money pouch, Xena pulled out a dinar and pressed it into his hands, shifting slightly so the others jingled against her hip. “Make her happy, and there’s more where that came from.” A look of greed joining everything else on his face, the boy nodded and gave a sloppy salute before turning, gently tugging Argo after him, asking her if she had a fondness for carrots. 

Their own room was small, just enough room for two hammocks to be strung side by side from the ceiling, a single port window their only view into the outside room. But after the week they had had, it was glorious. 

They barely spoke, taking just enough time to drop their bags in one corner, for Xena to check Gabrielle’s back and for the two of them to share a quick, exhausted kiss before climbing into their respective hammocks- Xena taking the one by the door, always on alert even as she fell asleep, Gabrielle by the open window, where the cool sea breeze could soothe her already gurgling stomach. Not that it mattered; within a short moment they were both asleep, finally truly asleep for the first time in a week. 

It was deep, deep and dreamless, and for that, Gabrielle was thankful. 

For the week they rested, recovering from their push. When they weren’t sleeping or devouring half the ship’s food supplies, they spent their time on deck, talking. Sometimes about nothing, sometimes about Hope, Gabrielle continuing to fill Xena in on everything she needed to know, on all the information Gabrielle had gathered from her “visions” that might help to end her for good in this life. Sometimes they said nothing, just stood staring out over the water, their sides pressed together as they watched the waves below. Part of Gabrielle wanted to fill those silences, perhaps use them to begin explaining the nature of their world to her, but instead she accepted and relished them, enjoying the small peace. While things would be different, still there would be little of it to come. 

Her back still didn’t heal. A fact that had Xena pursing her lips, an almost angry look as she cleaned the skin and rebandaged her back, a look of her deep in thought as she wondered. 

For a week they continued like this, their strength returning as the ship sailed towards home, the hull empty and the sailors ready to see their homelands, purses heavy with coin. It had been a long time, one of the sailors mentioned to Gabrielle when she asked about his past when he came to join her by the railing, since any of them had seen home. A sentiment Gabrielle could attest to. 

It was peaceful, it was quite, and for a week, even with her stomach churning, Gabrielle liked the sea. 

Almost to the point where she wished it could just be like this. The ocean, the sky, the two of them with the occasional sailor for a new conversation; whatever evil that waited for them perpetually off in the distance. Always at peace, always safe, the smell of salt and the clean, constant breeze helping to soothe her mind even if it did make her back sting when it sunk through the bandage and touched the still open wound. It was such a small price to pay for everything else, to the point where Gabrielle almost wished it could be like this forever. 

But all too soon they reached Athens, the city growing on the horizon. All around the sailors yelled out in excitement as the vague blur began to grow, becoming more and more distinct as they grew closer. A few even began to sing, a song of land and home and long missed wives and children. Of love and excitement and the slightest hint of bitter, because even though these men were glad to be home, part of their hearts did belong to the sea. Belonged to the ocean and longed for it even when they were in the arms of their loved ones, a longing that, eventually, would pull them back. Pull them back and take them back out to the edge of the horizon, to the vast, unending blue until, finally, they were once again longing for home. A continuous cycle, until they either died by the sea or were buried on land, forever parted from one part of their life or the other. 

Everything contained within that song, the words that were quickly picked up by the other sailors and even Xena as they worked towards reaching the shore, the song picked up by the wind and almost twisted into something unearthly, ethereal, the pure joy only just darkened. Only Gabrielle stayed quiet, the words unknown and foreign to her as she pulled on ropes and tied knots, the handful of weeks in their past life they had spent on ships letting her help. But she listened, listened and memorized as much as she could for later, making a mental note to ask Xena later for the rest. 

It was a good song, and even if she couldn't sing it, she could write it so others could sing it later. 

They were almost the last ones off the ship when it finally docked, standing off to the side while the sailors all called to their captain, joking about when the next trade was to take place, taking them from their homes once more. The boy who had been taking care of Argo came up eventually, once the others had cleared out, giving Argo actually enough room to be on desk without risking her bumping anyone overboard. And it was clear he had done a good job- Argo walked with her head high, her steps quick and purposeful, eyes gleaming with a barely contained energy. Her coat had been well brushed, her stomach was ever so slightly rounder then it had been (an addition of a few extra pounds that Xena glanced at before raising her eyebrow, an amused look on her face as Argo shook her head), and her tail and mane had even been braided, little colorful strands of string holding the ends of the braids together. 

The boy got a handful of dinars for his troubles, his eyes wide as Xena paid him- it was perhaps almost as much as he had gotten for the months he had been on board, and he thanked them profusely before giving Argo a quick kiss on the snout and racing off the ship, heading straight towards what Gabrielle had to image was home. 

Xena thanked the captain one last time, paying him the remainder of what they owed, and then they were off. Slow at first, skirting the townsfolk as quickly as they could without hurting anyone, and kicking into a canter the moment they were free. Straight towards the centaur village. 

Which, by the time they reached it a few days later, was nothing but ash. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey guys! Sorry for going so long between updates. Between some hurricane damage, personal stuff, and things going on at work, it's been a super busy month. However, I am going to do my best to try and get back onto a normal updating schedule. Please bear with me while I get back into the swing of things, and get the fic rolling again. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I will hopefully have the next one for you soon!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Ash and blood and stones, nothing remaining of the once proud centaur village. 

They were quiet as they stood at the edge of the village, right at the edge of the destruction, just staring at what laid before them. What could only be the charred remains of centaurs and humans alike littered the ground, partly melted weapons still clasped in their grips, what remained of some of their faces twisted into pained grimaces. Whatever they had been rushing to fight, they had clearly never even gotten close, but still they had tried. Had tried to protect their homes, their people, the families they had tried so hard to create and raise in this hard, unfair world of theirs. 

Eventually Xena knelt to the ground and drew her fingers through the soil, bringing a small clump to her tongue. Spitting to the side, her face- already dark, pain and rage only just hidden under a mask of control- twisting for a moment as she stared back into the destruction waiting for them to enter. 

"Someone salted the ground," she said, taking that step she needed. "They wanted to make it clear that this wasn't just an attack, but a decimation." Stepping onto the ash, Xena gently pulled Argo forward, Gabrielle following after. Because as much as she wanted to just stand there, stand there and stare and try and understand the numbness within her, she couldn't. She was blank, and so she followed Xena into the village, looking. For what, she wasn't sure, but still she looked. 

Looked and saw those that had been killed- lovers held together by ash and melted flesh from them trying to protect each other from the flames; children cowering behind cover but still caught in the death they had tried to hide from; entire families just clinging to each other as they faced the end. Gabrielle followed after Xena, only just avoiding gagging on the smell of rotten cooked meat and old singed fur, her feet stumbling over clumps of wood and debris. Once she did trip, her hand landing on a pile of ash that bit into her skin, something hard and sharp almost drawing blood had she not snatched her hand away quick enough. Curiosity overcoming her, ignoring Xena's offered hand to help her up, Gabrielle carefully dug through the ash, pulling out the thing she had almost impaled her hand on. 

It was a toy. A child's toy, a carved wolf, recognizable even through the ash and singed wood that covered it.

"Lucas," Gabrielle whispered to herself, her hand trembling as she wiped the ash from him. Holding him close to her chest, she looked up at Xena with wide eyes, the sight almost blurred by the tears that welled up. Taking Xena's hand, letting her pull her to her feet, Gabrielle just stared, unable to think of anything else to do. When Xena looked at Lucas, Gabrielle couldn't help the choked sob that left her, her shoulders shaking as she spoke. "He's Xenan's." 

Xena's face darkened even more as she reached out, gently taking the toy from her. Walking around Argo, she slid it into one of their bags and continued on, not saying a word. 

They walked through the entire village, Xena stoic, Gabrielle silent but still crying, because this was her fault. If she had killed Hope, if she had done something to stop her, anything at all- these people would be alive. Their blood was as much on her hands as much as it was on Hope's. 

She had failed them. 

Finally, after walking down what would have been every road of the village, past every single house that had existed within the now ashen walls, Xena finally led them out, shaking her head as they walked away from the destruction. Mounting Argo, she held her hand out towards Gabrielle and pulled her up after her, turning Argo towards their next destination. 

"They weren't here," Xena said as she started Argo on a slow trot, just keeping her reigned in so she could speak. "Most of the village wasn't here, Gabrielle. The bodies- there were only a fraction of the number there should have been. The rest must have fled." 

"So you think Solan, Xenan..." Gabrielle didn't finish her sentence, unable to give life to the words that wanted to fall from her lips. Unable to hope that it could be true. 

"We're going to the Amazons," Xena said firmly. "Kaleipus has a truce with them, and would want to warn them of the coming danger. He would have told everyone to evacuate there, at least, even if he didn't go himself. I..." Her voice trailed off as she took a deep, steadying breath. "I didn't see Solan." 

Gabrielle didn't respond, only nodded her head- a sight Xena couldn't see. She didn't want to give false hope, didn't want to allow the little spark that had become lit at Xena's words to actually grow, lest it just be that much more painful when it disappeared. So she nodded, and when she didn't respond, Xena kicked Argo into a canter, heading straight towards the Amazons. 

For days they road, following the path of destruction. Everywhere a town, city, or village should have been was nothing, nothing but rubble and death, a pure level of destruction they had never seen before. Even the gods seemed more innocent than the monster they had released, their own death toll, while large, a seemingly small, insignificant number when spread out over the millennium they had lived. While at each village they paused, taking in the devastation that had proceeded them, only twice did they actually stop on their race towards the Amazons, hoping against Hope they could make it. 

The first was for a family, the mother badly wounded as her children stood guard over her, trying to protect her against those that would harm her. They paused, Xena looking at her wounds, at the deep seated infection that had had no cure, and gave her some herbs that would help. Not with the wound, no- it was too deep, too far gone, too much for any healer in the known world. No, the herbs helped her sleep, helped to make her passing into the underworld that much easier.

They left to the sounds of her children wailing, the eldest- a young woman, barely old enough to be called so- trying, through her tears, to tell them it would be alright. That they would go to Athens, with their uncle, and they were going to be ok. 

The second time they were forced to- Zeus himself spat on them, the rain too heavy to continue through, not without risking breaking Argo's legs. If they had been fresh, well rested, then maybe, but after already a week of traveling, going without real rest, once again pushing themselves to the brink of exhaustion to get to the Amazons and pushing a little bit more? Xena finally had to concede defeat. But it wasn't without merit, they found. 

For the little building they had believed to be a tavern ended up being a brothel, Meg getting halfway through her welcome before realizing just who it was who had stumbled through her door.

They were catching up. Meg had quickly ushered them into a clean, unoccupied back room the moment she had realized who they were, ordering one of her girls to bring them food and wine and for someone to go out to the stables to tend to Argo. Almost unintelligible, her words slurring together at the sheer relief she had at seeing Xena, Meg had only just shown them to the room before she had run out, her bare feet slapping almost painfully against the stone. 

They barely had time to share looks between themselves before she returned, dragging a familiar, white garbed women behind her. 

"Xena, Gabs," Meg said, pushing the woman before her, "meet Leah." 

It was a relief to see the priestess- she hadn't been paying attention to their surroundings, their mad, focused rush towards the Amazons her prime concern. But upon seeing Meg, knowing what was behind them and what was possible to come, her stomach had sunk- the idea that the city and the temple of Hestia were gone, destroyed, their friends with it? It was a relief to see Leah, even if the meeting delayed them, took them away from their main goal. 

They didn't stay for long- the moment the rain began to let up, making the previously impossible conditions now just dangerous they left, determined to reach the village. More so, because they were catching up. Catching up to Hope, with perhaps the ability to stop her. 

"Why yes," Leah said, once the shock and excitement and judgement of seeing another look alike (and this one a previously murderous ex-warlord) had passed, "it was only two days ago that that _thing_ passed by. It..." Her voice trailed off, her eyes almost going glassing, only Meg's reassuring hand on her shoulder enough to keep her together. "It was horrible. Like nothing that Mother Gaia ever intended to exist upon this earth. It killed as it walked, its own hands weapons unimaginable. I... it cut off my high priest's head, before he could even get out a single word for mercy. Hestia protect him." She slid into tears at that, turning into Meg's offered hug. 

Not that Gabrielle could feel the same way, though she kept her face schooled. That was one less worry, at least, knowing that the priest of Deilian would be unable to threaten her friend in the future. 

"Leah here and her girls managed to make it out of town and come on down my way," Meg offered as she rubbed Leah's back, finishing filling in the tale for the others. "They're stayin' with me, until we can get a few horses and carts to take 'em to the other main temple for Hesita. Though for now we're all stayin' put. That thing might be gone, but from what others have told me, it's not alone. No one's been able to come forward with a right proper description, but supposedly it has someone who can control fire by its side. The monster kills as it likes, and its companion burns everything after. Not sure if it's true or not- the monster itself might have some fire powers. But if it is?" 

Meg gave a little shrug as the door opened, one of Meg's girls almost tottering under the weight of the food and drink she had prepared. Placing it between the women, openly staring at Xena, Meg, and Leah, it took her a moment before she realized she was being dismissed to leave, casting curious glances over her shoulder as she did. 

They ate- the first hot, fresh meal she and Xena had had in quite a while, the food quickly disappearing into stomachs more used to hard bread and dried meat eaten while on the back of a moving horse. It was almost relaxing, the food, the company, the sound of the sheets of rain battering against the stone walls of the brothel. Gabrielle almost could have fallen asleep. 

Had it not been for the dead she saw whenever she closed her eyes, their deaths just new additions to her list, for even if she hadn't been the one to kill them, they were still hers to claim the blame for. Had it not been for the pulsing in her back, the still open, still refusing to heal wound throbbing from the travel, though at least the pain had finally faded into something manageable, her body too tired to accept it correctly. Had it not been for the just barely contained panic that was pushing her towards her friends, her family, towards the Amazons she loved almost as much as her parents and Lila, her never ending desire to protect them strong. Had it not been for that, she might have fallen asleep. 

But she didn't, and an hour later they were setting out again, their provisions restocked, Meg insisting on them taking some food to eat as they raced towards the monster, towards what she could only assume would be their doom. Because how could they survive against such a creature? A creature like Hope? 

Gabrielle wasn't sure, but still they pushed, running towards the evil that walked before them. 

Only, at some point, for them to lose the trail. 

The destruction stopped. After Leah's city, it was like Hope didn't exist. The villages still stood, the people who had yet to flee from the rumors of the coming monster were alive if wary, and it almost seemed calm. It almost seemed peaceful. It almost seemed ok. 

They still pushed, pushed and pushed, stopping only when absolutely necessary to keep from collapsing. Pushed because they were only a few days away from the Amazons, having covered most of the country in that mad rush that had begun on the ship and carried them here, here to protect one of the chosen groups in their strange family. Pushed because of fear and anger and that need to stop Hope before she could destroy everything they held dear. 

They practically fell off of Argo in that clearing in the woods, their arms help up in the Amazon's symbol of friendship. They didn't wait long- a guard descended to guide them, apologizing for being the only one to greet the Queen as she did so. They knew what was coming, and none of the others wanted to leave their posts, lest they leave the village and its guests unprotected. She led them through the trails, the secret passages, the best ways known only to the Amazons that kept the inner depths of their home safe. 

Led them to a village full of survivors, Amazons and centaurs and normal people alike preparing for the creature that was coming, arming any who were strong enough to fight and moving those who weren't to the caves. A village being led by Ephiny, a bandaged but very much alive Xenan following close at her heels as she barked orders, orders that everyone followed, species and sex aside. 

A village that paused when they noticed Xena and Gabrielle, the Amazons stopping to greet their queen, the others staring at Xena with what could only be described as desperate hope, hope that this former warlord turned hero could save them. 

A village that moved aside as a young boy cried out for Xena and ran to her, Xena sliding gracelessly off of Argo to hold Solan as he threw himself into her arms. 

"I had taken Xenan out for a walk around the village," Ephiny later explained, when she had managed to draw them out of the public eye, into her hut. "Solan offered to come with us and make sure we didn't get lost, since we weren't familiar with the area. By the time we heard the screams..." Ephiny shook her head before glancing over to where Solan and Xenan were both sitting, their sides almost touching as Xenan showed Solan Lucas. He had almost cried when Xena had pulled it from their bags- he had thought him lost, since Ephiny had insisted Lucas remain in the hut while they went on their walk. Now he held him close, not even letting Solan touch him as he showed him the toy.

"It was over by the time we made it back," Ephiny finally continued, still staring at the boys. "Many had escaped, but so many hadn't it... I offered the survivors sanctuary here, since they can join the centaur village in the valley once the danger has passed. Kaleipus showed up a few hours later- he had been leading a hunting party. That's where he is now," she added, almost as an afterthought. "Hunting. Our own people haven't been able to support such a large influx, and while everyone around has joined forces against the thing that's coming, we're running low on supplies. Everyone who can is either on patrol or trying to keep everyone alive long enough to fight that thing." 

"You'll have us by your side," Gabrielle quickly confirmed into the silence that fell, her heart almost breaking from the overwhelming look of relief that passed over Ephiny's features. "We've fought Hope before, and I believe we can defeat her now." 

"Hope," Ephiny said slowly, giving both Xena and Gabrielle long, hard looks. When neither said anything, she instead turned towards the boys, her voice pleasant as she called to them. "Solan," Ephiny asked, "would you mind taking Xenan to the healer to have his wounds checked?" When Solan agreed, the older boy helping the younger to his hooves and leading him away, the two of them still chattering about how amazing Lucas was, Ephiny just nodded in thanks, all three of them waiting for the door to close behind the boys. The moment it did she returned her gaze to them, an expecting look on her face as she waited for them to comply. 

"We met the demon on Britannia," Xena explained, speaking before Gabrielle could find the words that would begin the long, convoluted explanation Ephiny would need to understand. "She's the daughter of an evil god, and introduced herself as Hope to us. She attacked Gabrielle, and we've been following her since." 

Xena left it at that, and when Ephiny glanced away, drawn by a noise outside, Xena shot Gabrielle a look- for now, leave it. A look Gabrielle nodded in response to, because even if she did want to do otherwise, even if she did want to explain to Ephiny everything, where were the words? She could barely find them with Xena after over two years with her. Trying now, when their minds had to be focused on so many other things, would be worthless. 

"I found some books while we were over there," Gabrielle continued, picking up Xena's lie. Better to play along than cause a rift, at least for now. "I think she can be killed- she seems to fear Xena, at least, which is why we think she came here. To try and hurt us before we could hurt her. If we can find her, get her to fight us, we might be able to defeat her." 

"What do you need us to do?" Ephiny's voice was hard, her face determined as she stood from her chair, reaching for a scroll that laid on the table a few feet away. Handing it to Xena, she continued to stand as Xena unrolled it, Gabrielle leaning over to look at the map of the village with her. "We have the entire village surrounded, Amazons in the trees and men and centaurs on the ground. The hunting parties are also serving as patrols, looking for anything that might stand out. Everyone old enough to handle a blade's been armed, and those unable have already been moved. We're the closest thing to an actual army you're going to get this far away from one of the larger kings. What do you need us to do?" 

"Can I hang onto this," Xena asked, rolling up and placing the map in her lap when Ephiny nodded. "For now, continue on like this. The surrounding villages have been spared, have been for at least two days travel from the south. Keep a keen eye out for anything suspicious- does everyone have a horn? Good," Xena continued when Ephiny nodded again, leaning back in her own chair to think. Glancing towards the sky- the sun already low- Xena sighed and shook her head. "Gabrielle and I need to sleep, but tomorrow we'll go out and join the patrols. Anyone finds anything even remotely interesting, I want them to sound the alarm, even if it's a false one. One of us," she nodded towards Gabrielle as she spoke, "will check it out, see if it's related to Hope. In the meantime, someone told us that she might have a companion? Do you know anything about them?" 

For a moment Ephiny thought before shaking her head, her curls bouncing around her ears. "I haven't," she admitted, "but I'll have some people ask around, see what we can find. I'll have them report directly to you if they find anything. For now..." Ephiny nodded her head towards a bed in the corner, big enough to fit two comfortably, three if they squeezed. "Get some rest. I'm staying with Kaleipus and the boys anyway in the centaur huts, so you two can use mine."

"Thank you, Ephiny," Gabrielle said, standing to take her friends' hand, the shake quickly turning into a hug. "We'll take care of this, promise." 

"I have every faith in you two," Ephiny replied, giving Xena a respectful nod. "You'll get us through this, one way or another." 

With that she left, leaving them to the room and sleep, sleep they quickly accepted, both more tired than they had realized. Even with the looming threat, even with the danger, still, they were asleep before they fully hit the bed, exhaustion drawing them deep into Morpheus' realm. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Yoooo. Hi there folks. Sorry it’s been so quiet these last few months. I’ve been struggling a lot with health and work and writer’s block in general, so yeah. It’s been a tough couple of months. But I’m going to try and work on this here and there. I can’t promise regular updates, but I’m gonna try, ok? I don’t want to see this story abandoned any more than you guys do, and my plan is to see it through. Just, life, you know? Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this extra long chapter to kind of make up for it, and I’ll see you around!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

_Mother_   


It was dark, too dark to make anything out, even with a sliver of the full moon's light falling through a break in the slates that covered the hut window. How long they had slept she wasn't sure, but it didn't matter, not really. Sliding from the bed, wincing as the movement tugged at the stitches in her back, Gabrielle stood and walked to the window, pushing open the cover to let the moonlight in and stare out into the village's clearing. 

There was no mistaking that monstrous form, though how Hope was standing there, in the center of her home, Gabrielle wasn't sure. No one else seemed to catch her, there was no sound of alarm coming from any of the ones that should have been on watch- there was just Hope, standing there, her face cast into shadow but still so clearly staring back, meeting Gabrielle's gaze. For a long moment they just stood there, the yards between them almost insignificant, just standing, staring, waiting. 

Finally Hope turned, sliding from the village into the forest, stopping to glance back only once before she was gone. An invitation and a threat. Either come now, or face her here when she came again. 

Xena woke without much effort, Gabrielle's touch on her shoulder and her name a quiet whisper enough to have her eyes sliding open, the sleep clearing after just a moment. Glancing between Gabrielle and the open window, all she had to do was raise her eyebrow, a movement that Gabrielle nodded at, and she sat up, grabbing her sword and chakram from where she had dropped them, readjusting her armor from where it had shifted in her sleep. Standing, Xena nodded at Gabrielle to lead the way, her weapons ready for the battle to come. 

It was easy to sneak from the village- it was almost like they were alone, the village strangely quiet. Last time they had visited the Amazons, there had always been sounds: the sounds of children crying out for their mothers, the sounds of friends laughing long into the night, the occasional horse as it whickered. And with the extra villagers, the centaurs and the refugees and everyone else who had taken shelter in the village, it should have been louder. But now it was silent, not even the breeze rustling the thatch that covered the rooves. Leaving them alone. 

They were just passing the final hut before the end of the village when a thought occurred to her, sending a chill down her spine as she paused. Paused and considered what her mind had just conjured, the likely source of the silence. The reason why her home was as quiet as death. 

Ignoring Xena’s questioning look, Gabrielle walked back to the door and pressed on it, her heart beginning to pound harder as it easily opened- nothing there to keep it closed. Nothing there to keep the women inside safe, nothing there to keep the darkness that existed outside the confines of their home out. Nothing to keep them alive. 

Gabrielle pressed the door all the way open and stood there, waiting, her breath held as the moonlight filtered in and revealed the scene before her. 

They were alright. She couldn’t tell who they were, not in this darkness, but they were ok. The moonlight didn’t show any slashed throats, any puddles of blood that had dripped from soaked mattresses, any sign that Hope had been there at all. They were just sleeping peacefully, lost in a world of dreams, the smaller of the two women’s head resting peacefully on the breast of the other. 

Almost shaking with relief, Gabrielle pulled the door closed once again, lodging a large rock in the door frame to act as a makeshift barricade. Waving at Xena to follow her, she moved them a few steps away from the hut, into the woods, before she finally spoke. 

“It was so quiet,” Gabrielle said, her words coming in a shuddery breath, “I was worried that Hope…that she had...” 

She didn’t need to finish. Xena just put her hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder and shook her head, glancing back towards the town they had officially left. 

“Hope wants to finish this as much as you do,” Xena pointed out, her voice even and calm, the words almost soothing. “Let’s do this.” 

It was almost easy, figuring out where in the forest Hope was waiting. Gabrielle had passed through the clearing a hundred, possibly even a thousand times, between the two lives, though the handful of hours it took to get there had never fully allowed her to appreciate it. It was calm, peaceful, a beautiful little spot where children often played and those who had finished bathing in the nearby river would sprawl, letting the sun warm and dry their newly clean skin. The grasses were soft, almost blanket like when laid upon, and the sky a perfect circle for those above. It was close to the ocean, near enough that the sound of the waves would lull those who entered to sleep, but far enough that there posed no direct danger, lest one left the forest for the cliffs that loomed ahead. 

Physically, at least, it also almost perfectly resembled that clearing. That clearing by the centaurs, where she and Hope had stopped for a rest. Where she had handed her child that waterskin, encouraging her to drink up, they had a long walk ahead. Where she had held Hope as she convulsed, her face turning purple as her airways closed, as her hands turned into desperate claws as she tried to tear at her own skin, someway, anyway, to breathe. 

Where she had held Hope as she finally fell still, placing a kiss upon her forehead before laying her down and wondering if there was enough left for her.

It wasn’t the same place, no, but it was close enough, and so Gabrielle led the way to where Hope waited. 

“I was wondering if you were going to come,” Hope’s voice said from the shadow as they finally stepped into the moonlit clearing, the familiar circle strange in the night. “I hoped so,” Hope added with a chuckle- a deep, disturbing sound, her natural clicking becoming almost a trill as her lipless mouth tried to form the proper shape it needed and failed. “But I couldn’t be sure. Why come alone when you can have your entire army at your back?” 

A skittering as she moved, the sound of skin and shell scraping against bark, and suddenly Hope’s voice came from beside them instead of before. 

“Because you’re you, Mother,” Hope whispered, her scratching voice just loud enough to be heard. “And you enjoy killing me.” 

Xena didn’t give her another chance to speak- instead she threw her chakram hard, the sound of metal ricocheting off of wood interrupting whatever Hope had been about to say. Cutting her off and turning her words into a sharp yelp, the weapon coming back just a moment later with a layer of black blood covering one side. Not a lot, but enough to know they had nicked her.

Just as Xena was about to throw it again, her lip curled up into an angry snarl, Gabrielle grabbed her hand instead and shook her head. Hope was trying to make them angry- trying to make them messy. Trying to make them trip up, get rid of perhaps one of their best weapons against her, the chakram lost in the dark. Trying to make herself win. 

Instead Gabrielle pulled out her daggers and moved so she was pressed against Xena’s back, Xena pulling her sword free from its scabbard. She gave it a twirl before holding it before her, ready to strike, chakram still in one hand but unmoving. At least for now. 

“You never did fight fair, Mother,” Hope chittered, her voice coming from before Gabrielle now, low and dangerous and angry. “You didn’t have the strength to kill me, so you left me for the river to drown. And when that failed, you had just enough cowardice to fill me with poison and give me to the flames. But you didn’t know you were sending me back to my father, and that he would send me back. That he would give me life once again. And once again you killed me, once again giving me to the fire, not realizing that I was Daddy’s little girl, and he didn’t want his darling and his grandson to perish. And once again, you were a coward and made my own son kill me.” 

She moved, once again that horrid skittering letting them know exactly where she was, where she stood, waiting at any moment to strike. 

“You’ve never played fair, Mother,” Hope said once again. “And even when you have? Well, two on one is also never fair. Which is why, if you get your precious little warrior, I get one too.” 

“Hello Xena.” 

They dove as a fire ball exploded right where they had been standing before, instantly igniting the grass, the new flames burning against their skin even from a distance. Rolling away, Gabrielle scrambled to her feet as a familiar laugh rang out over the crackling, loud and joyous in the insanity that gripped her. Her knives in hand, desperately trying to catch sight of Xena out of the corner of her eye, Gabrielle pushed herself to her feet, standing tall as she turned to face Callisto. 

“Why, if it isn’t little miss goody two shoes herself,” Callisto said pleasantly, twirling one of her curls around a finger. “Though,” she continued, glancing at Gabrielle’s knives, “not so much anymore. Get tired of almost dying? Or tired of watching everyone almost die for you?”

Gabrielle yelped as something sharp bit into her thigh- she had been so caught up with Callisto she had forgotten to keep track of Hope, allowing the monster to get close enough to score a hit. But before she could even turn around she heard the skittering that meant Hope had fled, closely followed by the sound of the chakram as it followed her, Xena’s cry as she ran back into the clearing almost loud enough to drown out Hope’s as she was struck once again. Running forward, flipping over the flames, catching the chakram on its rebound midair, Xena brought down her sword onto Callisto’s head, landing what to everyone else would have been a killing blow. 

Instead Callisto only stumbled back, removing the sword from the center of her skull as the wound began to heal, closing up without even a trickle of blood to mark it had been there. 

Xena retreated back to Gabrielle’s side as Callisto laughed once again and began to pace around them, her teeth bared in an almost feral smile. “Hera’s apples made me immortal, Xena,” Callisto said, her words almost a song. “But Hope- Hope told me I was supposed to be more. She told me I was supposed to be a god; I had always been supposed to be a god. Until you _ruined it_!” 

She slashed out at Gabrielle who knocked the blade away with the flat of her dagger, ducking so Xena could swing before Callisto got too far away. Rolling out from between them, Gabrielle slashed wildly to her left- and grinned as Hope, who had been trying to sneak forward once again, withdrew in pain, a new score across her chest. 

But as she rose Gabrielle couldn’t help the gasp of pain as her back pulled, a handful of the stitches finally breaking, allowing blood to leak from the gash, as easily as it had that day she had gotten it. It wasn’t so deep as to keep her from fighting, but already the pain was building, making it hard to concentrate. 

“My prey _never_ escapes me, Mother,” Hope said as she circled around her, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the clanking of swords and yelling from Xena and Callisto as they fought. Gabrielle turned to keep her in sight, always ready, always looking for an opening. “My wounds never heal. And while you can sew them up, keep everything that’s supposed to be inside in there, in the end, Mother?” 

Hope paused, both in movement and in speech, her head tilting to the side and smiling- a nightmarish sight, her lipless mouth and the fleshy pincers spread to show off her twisted, misshapen teeth. And as she did, Gabrielle wove, the world around her spinning for a moment as she felt something inside of her twinge. Glancing over her shoulder, watching as the simple trickle of blood remained steady, Gabrielle shook her head, glancing down towards the ground-

And froze as she remembered the wound on her leg, the deep slash that was bleeding heavily, soaking through her boot into the ground around her. 

“In the end,” Gabrielle said, her voice slightly shaky, shrugging off the dizziness and forcing herself to stand up straight, “they still die.” 

Hope’s smile only widened. 

“If I’m to die,” Gabrielle said slowly, starting her own pacing around Hope, “then you’re coming with me.” 

They lunged at each other, Gabrielle batting away Hope’s claw to sink her dagger into Hope’s shoulder, only for her other hand to catch Gabrielle in the side with the blunt side of her claw, sending Gabrielle flying across the clearing. A pained cry broke from her as her back smashed against a tree, for a moment leaving her stunned as Hope began to advance upon her. Only for Hope to shy away as Xena’s voice called out, the chakram passing dangerously close before Hope’s face. Immediately Hope turned and fled, back into the darkness, as Xena disengaged with Callisto, leaving her to watch as she ran to Gabrielle’s side. 

“Gabrielle,” Xena said softly, gently pulling Gabrielle into her arms while reaching up to wipe a strand of hair from Gabrielle’s face. There was pain in her eyes- Callisto had gotten in a few good hits, leaving Xena cut and pained as she moved. But most of that was for Gabrielle, the pain only darkening as she examined every cut and scrap, trying, in that brief moment, to figure out what to do. “Can you stand?” 

“Doesn’t matter if she can,” Callisto pointed out, her head tilted to the side as she stepped forward, smiling widely as Xena held her sword up with one hand, her other wrapped protectively around the stunned Gabrielle’s shoulders. “Either way, whether on her feet or her ass, she’s going to die. As are you, Xena.” Stopping a few yards away, Callisto grew a fireball in her hand, casually playing with it. “I was supposed to be a goddess, supposed to rule this realm as the high priestess of Dahok. But you two stole that from me, just like you’ve stolen _everything_ from me. It’s only because precious little Hope here bound me to herself that I have my powers at all.” She put out and relit the fireball a few times as she spoke- she was clearly just playing, just showing off for a show about to become deadly. “So maybe I’ll have to steal something from you.” 

Turning towards a section of forest, Callisto smiled widely as she crooked her finger, motioning for someone to step forward. 

That someone being a man, a thick rope in his hands. A rope tied around Solan. 

“I found him while I was waiting for my cue to enter,” Callisto said cheerfully as the man dragged Solan forward, kicking him when the boy stumbled. Xena took a step forward, rage and barely concealed panic dominating her face, but froze as Callisto shook her head, tutting softly. “You wouldn’t want me to hurt the boy, now would you, Xena?” Callisto asked, the small ball of fire twisting between her fingers like a snake.   

Xena nodded, her gaze never leaving Solan as her sword lowered, because what else could she do? With her powers, Xena was no match for Callisto, and watching as Callisto reached out, trailing a burning finger along Solan’s cheek, the boy yelping out in pain, it was clear she knew that. And she was at a loss. 

Fight and watch Solan die, or stand and die herself, knowing he would be soon after. 

“You may go, Theodoras,” Callisto said casually, waving her hand towards the man, barely noticing him as he turned and ran. A smart decision, for no moral should try and interfere in a battle containing demons and gods. But what else could they do? Stand aside and watch as the world fell around them, allow Hope and Callisto to burn to the ground everything they loved? Wait for Dahok to rise, his rule a never ending night that would finally free them, if only into the arms of death? 

No. Gabrielle rose-slowly, painfully, but still she rose. Rose to stand behind the still distracted Xena, only a quick glance out of the corner of her eye acknowledgement that she was there. For a moment she wavered- blood loss and pain and a sudden sheer exhaustion weighing down on her, her body just asking for a rest- but Gabrielle shook it off, forcing herself to pay attention, both to Callisto before her and to Hope on her right, where the demon was stalking them. 

“You know, Xena,” Callisto said, chuckling as she walked a small circle around Solan, “he really looks nothing like you. It’s hard to believe he’s your son.” 

A small gasp, though only from Solan as his eyes widened, staring in disbelief at Xena. But from no one else- she and Hope already knew from their memories, long ago as they were, and Callisto had long since been filled in by her benefactor. It was only the boy who stood surprised, and it was clear why. 

Callisto was cruel, and to kill him, knowing his mother just stood there and watched, would add that extra layer to make her revenge that much more sweet. 

“The chakram,” Hope hissed, interrupting the tense standoff that had started between the two women, neither Xena nor Callisto willing to be the first to move, to blink, to end the staring contest of wills they had started. Xena with her weapons, unable to kill a god but unwilling to back down, Callisto with everything she ever wanted at her fingertips, just waiting to take her due. Neither moved, neither looked away, but it was clear they both heard her. 

“If you hand over the chakram,” Hope said, her chattering almost excited as she spoke, “we will let the boy go.”

“ _What_ ,” Callisto demanded, finally breaking the stare to turn towards Hope, her hand once again flaming. “No, no, he’s _mine._ ” Her voice almost broke on the last word, hints of betrayal seeping into her voice. “You promised I could burn Xena’s little brat before her, just like she burned Mother, my _sister_. You can’t-“ 

“I can’t?” Hope asked, though it was clear from the dangerous tone in her voice that it wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a request. It was just a statement, daring Callisto to challenge her. To try and start a fight Callisto would so easily lose. Like a master daring its dog to bite. 

“ _Solan, now!”_

Xena’s voice broke between the two as she threw her chakram, slicing deep into Callisto’s hand, the godling crying out in surprise and as a reflex to pain no longer there as she snatched her limb away, Solan breaking for the trees as he tried to flee. Flipping forward so she was between Callisto and her son, Xena raised her sword once more, baring her teeth in a feral smile familiar enough to send dread into Gabrielle’s stomach, even surrounded as they were. Because their enemies, even the burning fire that surrounded them, none of that was as terrifying as Xena when she smiled. 

But she couldn’t focus, not as Gabrielle dashed forward to intercept Hope, one arm raising to catch Hope’s claw on the edge of her dagger, stopping it before it could fall and pierce Solan’s back. Lashing out with her foot, forcing Hope a few feet back, Gabrielle let out a sigh of relief as Solan reached the edge of the clearing, almost free to disappear into the woods, safe from the fight that was to follow. 

He, at least, would live this night; and if he was the only, well, Gabrielle would count that lucky. One less dead child to haunt her memories, reminding her of how much she still had to change. 

_“No!”_

Callisto’s scream was almost feral, almost terrifying as she lashed out, a lucky strike catching Xena in the chest, throwing her to the side. Her gaze fixed on where Solan had gone, where the boy was hiding just out of reach in the trees, Callisto howled her rage as the fire in her hands grew; more than enough to cut through the forest, more than enough to burn straight through the wood that protected, more than enough to kill the boy. 

She didn’t think. She didn’t think as she wrapped her arms around Hope and leapt forward, diving towards the flames. She didn’t think as she felt her daughter’s claws sink into her skin. She didn’t think about the warning cry that came from Xena as Gabrielle dove straight towards the line of fire, hoping against hope to block it. 

All she thought about was Solan, and the fact that she couldn’t fail him. Not again. 

“You’re lucky,” Hope’s voice whispered in her ear as the wall of flame hit, the words almost inaudible over Gabrielle’s _scream_ as her flesh began to burn, Callisto’s fire attempting to cauterize a wound that would never heal, would never close, her skin blackening and bubbling as the heat found a home in her body. “I’d never forgive myself if I wasn’t the one to kill you.” 

Gabrielle was only dimly aware of Callisto yelling as, against her will, the fire fell from her hands, no longer her’s to control. She was only dimly aware of Xena finally recovering enough to push herself to her feet, lashing out and catching Callisto on her side, actually drawing blood and creating a wound that didn’t disappear, much to Callisto’s horror. She was only dimly aware of Hope wrapping her claws around Gabrielle and moving them- out of the clearing, away from the fire, towards the cliffs that overlooked the ocean that lay so far below. 

She was only dimly aware of Xena and Callisto following, the former driving the latter almost like cattle, getting some sort of sick joy in watching Callisto run, watching Callisto call for Hope, demand her powers back, only for her calls to be ignored. 

She was only dimly aware because, between the mind numbing clarity as the pain drove everything else from her mind and the certain fact that she was, in fact, going to die, Gabrielle had a thought. A single thought that finally made everything make sense, her past life and this merging in one single moment of clarity that even the pain couldn’t destroy as she realized what she had missed all this time. 

As Hope released her and turned, Gabrielle refused. Stepping forward, wrapping her arms around Hope as tightly as she could, Gabrielle held on as Hope began to struggle, as Gabrielle began to pull them back towards the edge of the cliff, all while calling for the chakram. 

But even as Hope’s claws dug deep, even as her back _burned_ , the remains of Callisto’s flames licking at her skin, at the blood that dripped and spread up the open wound Hope had given her all those weeks ago, the fire only worsening the pain that was begging her to just lay down already, to lay down and give up because this was her end, still, Gabrielle held on. Held on as Hope struggled to free herself, tried to reenter the battle Callisto was so clearly losing, her powers now gone. Struggled to free herself from the vice like grip of her mother and flee, flee somewhere they would never be able to find her, because Hope _knew._

Hope knew what Gabrielle had realized, knew what Gabrielle had finally put together after all those years. Knew that Gabrielle finally understood why, in all the lives they had lived so far, Hope was terrified of Xena. 

Not because Xena was Xena, as terrifying as she was. But because Xena, holding the chakram and unshackled by a curse of the fates, was the only one in this world who could kill her. 

It was the chakram of _darkness_ , after all, a darkness greater than Dahok’s, and the darkness could only hold one monster at a time. 

“Xena,” Gabrielle called as, for a moment, her grip slipped, Hope almost wrenching herself free. Even with her connection to Callisto cut, the warrior left a normal mortal now that the godly powers that had taken the place of her immortality gone, together the two of them would be more than enough to overpower Xena, something Gabrielle couldn’t allow. But she caught her once again, dragging them back a few more steps, closer to the edge. The edge of the cliff that overlooked the sea, the waters raging below. 

Waters Gabrielle knew well, though this time her entrance to them would not have the same happy ending as her last life. No forgiveness would be waiting, no love would be reforged in the flames, no sadness and hatred would be banished. 

There would just be pain, pain before there was nothing. 

But at least it would be a death Hope would never be able to come back from, the depths of the ocean out of the reach of her flame based sire, and so if she had to, it was a mutual death Gabrielle was willing to accept. 

_If_ she had to, which Gabrielle had no plans of doing anytime soon. That chakram in her chest, her body left to fall into the water below, all Gabrielle would have to do is let go- finally let Hope go- and it would be over. 

_“Xena!”_

Flipping over Callisto, catching her in the temple with her boot, Xena let out a triumphant howl as Callisto finally dropped, the wound too much for her newly weakened body. Turning towards Gabrielle, the look on her face a split second later telling her that Xena understood everything she needed to, it was with her signature cry that she snatched the chakram up from the ground and threw it, her aim true as it raced towards Hope’s chest. As it flew straight towards them, a sure hit, Hope, with her claws either imbedded into her mother or forced to her side by Gabrielle’s still iron grip, unable to defend herself. 

So she didn’t. She didn’t defend herself. Watching as the chakram flew right towards her, all Hope did was smile, a hard, long, gruesome smile as her lipless mouth pulled back to show her twisted teeth. 

Smiled as she doubled forward, Gabrielle’s feet leaving the ground as Hope spun on her own, turning them so she was the one facing the ocean. 

Smiled as with a low, dull _thud_ , the chakram imbedded itself into Gabrielle’s back. 

“I told you there was no winning against me, Mother,” Hope said as Gabrielle’s arms finally fell to her side, releasing Hope from her grasp. “I told you. This time, I would win.” 

She barely heard her. Her arm weakly reaching back, her fingers grasping at the metal sticking from her form, Gabrielle barely heard a word Hope said. She barely heard anything over the ringing in her ears, over the pain that had blasted nearly every single other thought from her mind, over the instinct telling her this was the end. 

Over Xena’s pained, _agonized_ scream from so far off, so far off yet so, so loud to Gabrielle’s ears. Because it wasn’t Xena, not anymore- it was some creature, some beast, some _thing_ that was in pain, because it couldn’t be Xena. That kind of noise couldn’t come from a human, not one that wasn’t dying- and yet it was. Gabrielle heard her, heard her scream over everything else as she grasped at the charkam, as she tugged at the metal band, desperate to remove the source of her pain, anything to end this agony. 

All while Hope smiled, smiled and talked as if it was any other day, as if they were old friends catching up in a market, her smile never fading as she watched Gabrielle yank again, the chakram this time sliding free into her grasp. As she looked over Gabrielle’s shoulder to watch as Xena broke before her, unable to even move as Xena stared, as she watched Gabrielle pull the chakram from her back, the sound of metal tearing free of flesh and bone almost audible even that far away. Stared at the blood soaking down her back, staining her skin and clothes dark in the night. Stared as Gabrielle wobbled, barely able to stand, only kept standing because the movement to lie down, to even fall, would be far too much. 

All the while Hope continued to smile. Smile until, with the last of her strength, Gabrielle raised the chakram and drew it across Hope’s throat, splitting the skin and spraying herself with the black blood that ran through Hope’s veins, Dahok’s evil unable to fight against the darkness of the chakram. Against the darkness of one killing their most loved, darkening the chakram’s history that much more. 

Hope finally stopped smiling then, as Gabrielle’s arm fell to her side, her hand unable to continue to hold onto the weapon. As Gabrielle, the pain and the blood loss and everything far, far too much, took that step forward and embraced Hope, putting her weight on her. As, together, the two of them stumbled back those last few steps and, together, began to fall. 

Hope finally stopped smiling as, together, they fell from the cliffs, into the water below, Gabrielle picking up the smile for her as, right before they hit the waves, finally, she let Hope go. 


End file.
